I know there is a part of me dreading reaching my goal, because then what? I’ve been a dieter and the funny, creative fat girl all of my life. I don’t know how to be anybody else. It’s a good thing, in that particular case, that I have a lot of weight to lose. It gives my mind time to adjust. That’s such a change from my days of “I want it NOW!”
Maybe that’s why I never lost the weight before. Perhaps the speed I was losing at did not give my mind time to adjust to the new me. Heck yes, I enjoyed the compliments, clothes, and feeling smaller. In my head though, I was still the same fat person with low self-esteem. I was fighting the same emotional battles the same way--with food. I was still totally obsessed with what I was eating, wasn’t eating, or was going to eat in a given day.
This time around, I’m making small lifestyle changes and it has taken me since December 2005 to lose 150 pounds and counting. I don’t have that panicky fear that the weight is going to come back this time. I know it isn’t because I am a different person now. I’m still the funny, creative fat girl, but someday I’ll be the funny, creative girl. This slower weight loss has allowed me time to adjust and learn to cope, while reinventing myself.
My old self was a fairly healthy eater, but she ate too much of whatever it was at hand. Portion control, binge eating, and emotional eating are my skeletons in the closet. If I hear the rattle now, I head for the healthiest fare and eat a proper portion fast. Catching hunger before it gets a grab onto you is key. (These are 15 of my favorite hunger-fighting foods.) My old self also hated to move or work out. Now I am marveling at anything my body can do after having been bed ridden for several years due to chronic illness and pain.
The SparkPeople Community really holds me together when I’m going to lose control of my healthy lifestyle. I come to SparkPeople, where everything is beautiful and accepting, after hard days or during rough bouts. Having people cheer you on is the best feeling. When bills are due, work is tough, you need to work out, you’re hungry, your family or friends are being less than supportive, you can log into a whole world of support and ideas to deal with your problems without food.
Little changes are my main strategy in weight loss. I don’t jump head long into anything, unless it’s a refreshing pool of water. If I do I lose my enthusiasm in a blaze of glory and end up on the floor crying “Why did I fail again? I’ll never succeed!” I now do things like order small, eat from small plates, drink water, have more fruits and veggies, whole grains, and lean proteins. I eat less processed junk. I still have some, but less. (How I keep going when the road is long: My "Indyisms.")
So, yes I know how to live this lifestyle now and I love it. Doors are opening into a new world with each pound lost and each new skill I achieve. Each skill is obtained by moving a little more each day. Last year my big thing was that I wanted to do tree pose in yoga and I did it! This year I managed several others, including downward dog.
With a new world opening up and new super powers, what’s a girl to do? Set new goals of course! I no longer plan to settle for my goal of 250. I plan to celebrate like mad and then set my next goal. I want to believe I can get under 200. I’m not there yet, but when I reach 200, I’ll let you know what my new goal is then.
Please allow me to share some photos with you of how far I’ve come: The main photo is me last month, 150 pounds lost! This was me then.
Editor's note: Congratulations, Beth! We're all so proud of you. Please leave a note of congratulations for Beth below. :)
More From SparkPeople