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A few years ago, I came back on Spark People for what I thought was the last time, determined to stick with it. I was doing really well, but then I got in my own way again. It was very disheartening for me, and I became very depressed.

I realized for the first time, that I was the problem. I let my desire for junk food and my discomfort with change take over. I allowed myself to accept being fat. It was horrible. I was at a real low point in my life.

My best friend had had Gastric Bypass surgery the year before, and she had lost a ton of weight. I was happy for her and jealous all in the same blow. I had a really negative view of weight loss surgery for a long time because I felt like it was cheating. I know a lot of people feel this way as well. After a life time of struggling with my weight and failure, I had to ask myself some very hard questions.

Through much introspection and soul searching, along with a massive amount of research and therapy sessions, I decided to explore weight loss surgery.

It was not an easy decision for me. I still felt like I was cheating. When push came to shove however, I had to admit that what I really wanted was to be healthy, and I needed help to accomplish that. Weight loss surgery is not for everyone. It's a personal choice, and it is by no means an easy road. I understand now that you still must eat right and exercise to lose weight. The surgery is simply a tool to help you.

I understand that some people will not believe this and still think it's cheating, and that's okay. I don't blame them for thinking that. I did at one time too. For me, weight loss surgery was the right choice. For you, it may be something else.

It's been 4 years since my surgery. I lost 160 lbs. total, then put back on about 20. I am looking to lose that 20 pounds again and gain muscle. My goal is more to tone more than anything else.

Member Since: 6/12/2010

Fitness Minutes: 2,880

My Goals:
Stick with a regular exercise routine for at least 90 days.

My Program:
Yoga, dance, hiking, and strengthening challenges.

Personal Information:
I'm 36 and separated from my husband of 14 years. I have a 15-year-old son with my ex, who is the best part of my world. I work a lot at a job I love, and don't get out much unfortunately.

Other Information:

Read More About MISTRESSOFPROSE - Profile Information moved here. (Updated May 28)

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 current weight: 167.0 
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  • v no profile image BELINDALEEALLEN
    it definitely sounds like we could be twins..... ditto ditto ditto.... we have a lot in common and thanks for having the strength to share.. this is my first time on spark and you definitely got my attention...... i need support want to be a support buddy also? emoticon
    3136 days ago
  • v CGOLDER213
    Im glad I read your wallpost on FB and found out about this website.
    3700 days ago
    So glad you're here - and so glad to know I'm not alone in some of the things I think or tell myself. Here's to better and more active times ahead! We can do it! :)
    3702 days ago
  • v SOPHIE3440
    most everyone here is in the same boat..we have all lost control of a part of our lives and need to get back on a healthy track
    this is a safe environment in which to vent frustrations and share accomplishments
    I have just started back on Spark after my first failure.....I cannot tell you the greatness of the people on this site
    do not be afraid.......it is a process but it is a process that we have both begun...I am grateful for that
    3705 days ago
    Don't give up hope!
    3705 days ago
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