Feeling Down and out

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Today i had lunch with a cousin of mine ... She is one of favourites and i love spending time with her . The thing is that she is tiny ... as is anorexic tiny and eats about 3000 calories a day and has never worked out a day in her life. and no she is not the active kinds either

It just seemed so unfair. I really wanted to wail and rant and ask "why me, god?" *insert theatrics* ....

and then i stumbled across a blog. This girl is awesome, she does high impact body jam, body pump, spinning, runs 5k ; gets some sort of a rash in her foot bec of all the workouts and yet when she goes to the doctor he says "eat less, try walking 30 mins a day, lose 20 kgs and you'll be ok" ... when she told him of all her physical activity, he basically called hera liar and said "if you actually did all that you claim to do, then you wouldn't look like this"

WTF ??????? ... As much outraged as i was, i just ended up feeling sad. I want to lose weight and get fit and healthy. But somedays i don't give a damn - i just want to be thin!

My best friend always orders this special three cheese pasta and eats like the world is going to end tomorrow. i look at her and think - if i would eat like her for a week, i would probably gain another 100 pounds, yet she is an impossible size zero...

I am just feeling so down today. where is the fairness in all this. Everyone who looks at me assumes that i am lazy and sloppy - "why don't you just make some effort to lose weight . just eat a little less and join a gym" , "don't you think its high time you did something" ..... etc etc

Why is that some ppl can eat anything and get away with it whereas i eat an apple and my body thinks its chocolate cake .. I didn't always eat healthy but i hate cola/sweets/fried food/fast food and rarely eat out - and these have been my lifelong habbits ... then why ? ... no, i'm not saying i eat clean, its just that other people can get away by making worse choices than me but i can't ...

what if i can never lose weight .. i might get healthier and active and fit but never actually lose pounds .... i'm feeling low and frankly a little scared ...

I know this type of thinking is negative and petty but somedays i just can't help it .. somedays i don't want to think about health and fitness and fat acceptance .. somedays i just don't want that the first thing people notice about me is my weight .. I know its too negative a post, i just needed to vent out
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Don't be so hard on yourself! I've been thin, I've been heavy, and I'm thin again. I had a hard time understanding how I became heavy but it all really boiled down to eating more than 'enough'. I had myself fooled that my weight gain was caused by a bunch of different things. Part of it was caused by a med but most of it WAS caused by excess eating. It wasn't until I really and truly recognized that fact that I was able to do anything to reverse the situation and the weight gain.

    My motto? "you stuff, you puff!" Yep, I was puffing. I blamed it on age, my metabolism must have changed, ya da, ya da........ya da. It all boiled down to the fact that I was lying and denying about how much I was really eating. My portions had become too large.

    Fortunately, I finally was honest with myself and took the bull by the horns and said if I want to lose the weight I'll have to work at it. Eat less and yes, get MORE active. (I was also fooling myself by telling myself that I was already active.) Believe me, at work, on a regular day I rarely ever get to sit down at all and I never get to stop moving. I walk and walk and walk. But guess what? I had to do more when I got home. Yech! Was it worth it? Yes!!!

    Now I'm watching my DD#2 go through the same thing. She has gained about 70 while away at university and she is not happy. I'm hearing the same message from her. "I'm very active and I eat healthy. I don't know why I can't lose this weight." I sit and watch her eat and am horrified by her portion size and what those portions contain! I'm walking on eggshells because she is so unhappy right now with her weight. I tried to 'carefully' talk to her but she wasn't receptive so I'm keeping my mouth shut and just trying to set the example through my actions. Success? Well, just last night she ordered 'healthy' while we went out to eat (now that's HARD!) and she has started to try some aerobic exercise.

    I'm on your side and her side. Take a hard look at what you're doing- are you measuring portions? cutting out those delicious and rich (but deadly to weight loss) sauces? I needed to do some real soul searching and get real honest with myself before I lost any weight. Up to that point I was just fooling myself with what I was telling myself I was doing. Here in North America, we have enlarged our food portions to mammoth sizes so that even when we think we have cut back, we are still over-eating.

    If you are still having trouble after you go over your strategies, I would suggest you visit your doctor and ask for him/her to check your thyroid levels. Perhaps they are out of whack. That could be the source of your problem!!
    emoticon Besides, you've got to be a great person to love your skinny cousin! Being here on SP means you've got drive, even if you're feeling a bit down right now.
    4126 days ago
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