I ask you this...What do you want?
Monday, December 28, 2009
I've been fighting weight loss/gain since I was 19 years old.
It started out slowly. I was 120 pounds and it would start with just a couple of pounds that would creep up and then go away. Then it got to be a few more - up and down. I would say to myself, I still look good at 130. 140 isn't so bad. Then finally, when I was 37 years old I reached 250 pounds. The largest I'd ever been in my life.
Before my highest weight I joined Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers. I tried every diet I could find in a magazine or something a friend would suggest. Lastly, I joined Lindora and lost 63 pounds. I was able to keep it off for awhile, but sure enough I started to creep up again. By November of 2006, I was 240 pounds again.
In March 2007, I joined Sparkpeople. I went down to 182 pounds. Great, right? Well, unfortunately, I am now up to 220 again. I have been 200 - 205 pounds for 5.5 months. Then my eating just got out of control. I was eating everything and anything I wanted to the fullest extent.
So, now I ask me this... What do I want?
Do I want to be uncomfortable in my own skin? No!
Do I want to take 45 minutes every morning trying to figure out what to wear that doesn't show too much of my fat and then still end up wearing one of 5 outfits that still fit? No!
Do I want my knees to hurt when I run? No!
Do I want people to ask me, "if you're running so much, why aren't you thinner?" (true question - I didn't have an answer). No!
Do I want to be afraid of my scale? No!
Do I want to wonder what people are thinking when they look at me? No!
I'm pretty sure I'd like nothing more than to be excited to look in a mirror and try on new clothes and to walk around the house naked (as long as my son isn't home - lol) and to be able to run a 10 minute mile like it was nothing. I'd like to be comfortable with my picture being taken and sharing in my family and friends memories.
So, then why aren't I doing it? What is holding me back?
Fear and laziness:
I've been too lazy to write down my food and exercise. Its been proven to me again and again that that is the "secret" to my success. When I write things down, I do much better.
Fear is the bigger of the two. I'm afraid that when I get to my goal weight, my shield will be down. I may find that I'm not happy with my life, that I'm no longer satified with the way things are going. I may have to make drastic changes. Change is not easy for me, so I have a tentancy to stick with the status quo. I usually start out gung-hoa after updating this page, but I think I'm going to start off slow.
So, to answer my question...What do you want?
. I want to write down my food at least 5 days a week
. I want to run/walk 10 miles a week for 4 weeks
. I want to take my picture everyday, so I can see my progress in front of me and not only on my scale and
. I want to forgive myself for getting this size again and just move on from here.
Here I go..................