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Pulling it back onto the path

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Over the last 7 days things have been weird...

I went away for three days last week had to trust my own portioning without my food scale. I think I overcompensated because I ended up eating far too few calories those days out of fear of screwing up. When I came back I had lost 4 pounds in 3 days.

Not sure if it was psychological or physiological but for the first couple days after this I could help but mini-binging over and over. All very healthy foods, mind you, but way too much nibbling, too many "small" handfuls, too much sampling,. I was even indulging in "seconds" at meal times, and not just the seconds on the veg! I ate too many pumpkin seeds, too much dried fruit, and way too much ww pasta salad. Meantime, guests and the weather were conspiring against my exercise routine.

"Somehow" the 4 pounds I had suddenly dropped turned into 2 pounds suddenly gained after it was all said and done. Oops. I had barely gotten under the 200 mark and was suddenly on the wrong side of that milestone again. But seriously, know I will never understand the numbers on the scale... what REALLY scared me was the my sudden lack of fire, of desire to get strong and sinewy.

Suddenly I saw I was starting not to care that I had stopped tracking my food and my exercise was down to the bare minimum - and THAT, that is what scared me.

Time again to make a deal with myself... I didn't have to care (no need to enrage my inner two-year-old) I just had to do two things: track every mouthful again and go for a bike ride with Alice or hike in the woods with Jeff every day. No pressure how much I eat, nor how far & fast I go. Just do these two things.

Today is only day two of my deal with myself and already I am finding the desire again. I am proud of how far I've actually ridden (over ten miles both yesterday and today). When I truly track every bit I don't take so many tastes and samples... they're just too tough to track.

Once again I care! As with everything else in life, ennui is the enemy!

Okay, I realize that I didn't actually relapse to Maud the Sloth last week, that I didn't really fall off the wagon, but I do feel like I am proactively avoiding a mental plateau. And that's a good thing.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Self-awareness is the biggest gift of this journey. This is a lifetime journey, so it will take a while to get into a groove. But that's okay. We are in this for the long haul. Blessings to you!!
    3971 days ago
    Very good blog & analysis. Sometimes it can be hard to understand our real motives. Take care of yourself!
    3971 days ago
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