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Learning to be Safe

Thursday, September 09, 2010

I just read a blog entry about the tortoise learning to be safe - pulling in it's limbs. As we make our journey to healthy and/or weight loss we have to learn to be safe from those that would derail us. Not by pulling in our head so as not to ruffle anyone's feathers. Instead we have to learn to stand-up for ourselves.

Over the course of trying many different weight loss plans I have found one factor to be consistent every time. Those that should support you and urge you on are usually the ones that have a hand, however minor or large, in derailing you.

The holiday dinner at your sister's or mother's house where she urges you to eat "just a little" of the family favorites. "It is "YOUR" favorite after all." Making it sound like it was the only reason she made it. "It just one day. Surely one day of enjoying yourself won't hurt." You all know the comments.

The dinner at a friends. The same comments as at your sister's or mother's. But my favorite "friend" is the one that knows you are trying to loose weight but serves nothing that isn't smothered in butter, fried or in a cream sauce.''

I have come to the conclusion that those that are trying to sabotage our changed eating ways are jealous or threatened by these changes. Jealous because for once we are succeeding or sticking to our guns about what we eat. Or jealous and threatened because we are talking their limelight - everyone is now talking to us and about us instead of that skinny friend or relative and asking their advice and commenting I wished I looked like you. They are now asking us what we are doing and telling us how great we are looking.

Then there are those that truly feel threatened. I have two sisters. One sister who has lost some weight but is still obese and another sister who has gone from healthy to morbid obesity - my youngest sister. When I had told my one sister about my weight loss and what I was doing she told my youngest sister about it since she was so thrilled for me. She said instead of my youngest sister being happy for me she could tell she was mad about it. At first my one sister couldn't figure out why and then she said it dawned on her. Now my youngest sister was the heaviest and by many, many pounds until then I had ALWAYS been the heaviest. I have never heard a congratulations from her about my weight loss or change in lifestyle.

So what has this all taught me. That if you are with friends and family and they offer unhealthy foods refuse them and as politely as possible tell them why. If they push then push right back. A true friend or caring family member will offer to let you raid their refrigerator to find something you can eat. And if you are in a restaurant will say you're right what you eat is your choice "I'm sorry for butting my nose in."

If your pushing back to stay on track cause a break in the friendship or in that particular family relationship then THEY are at fault. Using you to make themselves feel better is their problem not yours. I don't know about you but I'm tired of being the one always worrying about hurting someone else's feelings when they obviously don't seem too concerned about hurting mine. Because when someone tries to get me to eat unhealthy, which is detrimental to my health and even more importantly to my weight loss, then it DOES hurt my feelings. I now know that they have an alternative agenda which is to regain the spotlight or to make themselves feel better. So I now feel that whatever bad might happen to the relationship is THEIR doing not mine. I WON'T be the one to apologize, otherwise they've learned nothing and keep doing it. (Also learned through experience.)

Their are those that might think this is harsh but the pushers are also the ones that are the first to make the comment about how "I knew she wouldn't stick to her diet this time. How many times is it now that we've had to put up with her trying to loose weight 10 or 15. She should face it she just doesn't have any will power."

SO STICK TO YOUR GUNS AND DON'T EAT THAT UNHEALTHY FARE EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO GET UP AND LEAVE SOMEONE'S HOME. PUT YOURSELF FIRST IT IS ABOUT TIME YOU DID. You can do it with as much grace as possible but do it. Say "I'm sorry but I can't sit around and watch you eat. Why don't we come up with another activity that we can all do some other night. Maybe go out dancing at that club that we've all talked about going to but never have. Tonight though you enjoy yourselves without me being a wet blanket and putting a damper on things because I just can't compromise on what I eat any more because I know that if I do it just derails everything I've accomplished. I see all you later."

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great blog. It is so rue. I think many people face this in different areas. It could weight loss, career advancement, financial, etc. As you said stick to your guns and you will be successful.
    3488 days ago
    I've read comments from a lot of people who have this situation in their lives where they have people who try to derail them. Although I can empathize, I am fortunate to not have this problem. My family is all supportive of my efforts and accept my reasons. So thankful for that. I am sorry this is something you have to deal with, but sounds like you have found the way to handle it. Good for you.
    3495 days ago
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