NIKKTASTIC

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My Aha! Moment

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

So. Late last night, I'm flipping through the channels and happen to stumble upon Heavy on A&E. Grossly overweight people are featured and are taken to a place known as "the facility" where they have one-on-one training. Only two people go to the facility at a time and there are two trainers. The guy (Tom) was well over 600 pounds and had a lymphatic mass hanging off his leg which was surgically removed during the show and had a blood pressure of 180-something over 103.

I think this is what I needed: to see something that showed exactly what could happen if I continue in the route I am. The woman (Jodi) that was on the show weighed 10 pounds more than me and, although I'm sure I'm MUCH taller than she is, I was grossed out with how she looked. Now, when I look at myself in the mirror this morning, I see how gross I look.

In my head, I still look like the 160-pound rod I was before I had kids. After my daughter Z was born (who is now 10), my body rewrote it's metabolism and it has been nothing but weight gain ever since.

My point is... I think that show woke me up, so to speak. Nothing is going to get rid of this weight except me. I can talk about what I'm going to do until I'm blue in the face, but talking isn't going to get me anywhere.

Next week, I am going to make an appointment with the doctor to get some more medical insight on what I should be doing and what I can be doing. I say next week only because our only vehicle is in the shop until Thursday, maybe Friday.

The past two weeks have been quite... trying. First, a car accident that left over $1,100 worth of damage on our van... then fighting with the insurance company to waive our deductible (we were successful)... then finding out that my SortaHubby's job will be no more in March. He has been moved to a different department, but it was still a blow to me because he's losing his set schedule which will make me finding a job nearly impossible. After the horrible experience I had with Z in daycare when she was under 3, I REFUSE to put E in daycare. E will go to headstart in January. I turned to food as my comfort once again. And, have GAINED four pounds since New Years. I'm not beating myself up about it. Nothing can be done about the gain.. except to lose it. Just adds a bit to my weight loss goal.

After watching Heavy last night from 10p-11p EST.. I got up and did 50 step-ups. I only did 50, but I did them without stopping. Usually I only make it to 30 and have to stop for a breather. Today I plan on doing 50 straight, 15 second break, 50 straight again.

I also plan on buying a new bike with taxes, as well as a new bike trailer, and begin riding avidly again. When I was still a single mom with just Z, I didn't have a car. My only mode of transportation was my bike and bike trailer. I would get up and ride the mile (with a 40 pound kid in the trailer) to take Z to headstart, then back to four blocks past my house to work, stand up for 9+ hours straight (I worked at Taco Bell), then ride BACK to headstart and back home. The weight dripped off me. I then bought a car to get through winter, and gained all the weight (plus some) back. I live in a different town, a different state, but plan on finding places to ride here.

Done rambling. E is done with breakfast and early headstart will be here soon. I'm just trying to find the motivation in myself to do this and it's a lot harder than I expected. As my mom says, I give in to the whiney 9-year-old Nikki in my head far too often. I need to shut that brat up and I intend on finding a way to do just that in the very very VERY near future.
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  • SUGARZ
    I watched Heavy also... It really makes you think about yourself. My heaviest was 345 2 yrs ago. Jan 3. 2011 I started my weight loss again at 327. I am 312 lbs right now and I just really want it gone for my health. I am afraid of a heart attack or stroke because of me being heavy. I don't have high blood pressure or diabetes or anything, but I am still afraid in the back of my mind.Last night my 12 yr old obese daughter watched Heavy with me...I am glad to say she has started on sparkteens. I know you and I can do this! I am determined! I am taking one small step and one small goal at a time. YOU GO GIRL!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3697 days ago
  • DANCINGGARDENER
    I am so glad you caught that on tv... I was going to point it out to you but, uhmmm, sometimes we just don't need our mother's to point out TV shows she thinks we should watch.
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    I didn't see it because I had already gone to bed for the night!
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    Treasure that insight. Sit with it and feel what it feels like to know that you are in control and that nobody can do a darn thing for you. It is a feeling that is both amazingly empowering and horribly lonely at the same time. You are the only one who can succeed is just the flip side of You are the only one who can fail. No excuses, no blame, no whining, just grown up self-reliance. Most people live their entire life without ever realizing this.

    I love you more than life itself. I am so very proud of you and your wonderful little girls. You are tough! You are amazing! You are in absolute control!

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    3697 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/18/2011 6:07:29 PM
  • VIVALAJUICY1
    Baby Steps..Slow and steaddy wins the race!! You CAN DO IT, I'c cheering for you!
    3697 days ago
  • APIRLRAIN888
    You can do it!
    3697 days ago
  • SHAKTI_ANGELIKA
    You will do it..I sense the determination in you. Getting a bike is a great way to be active. Once the weather improves you can go all over. It's also a great cure for cabin fever when you are home all day with small children.

    Never miss a chance to be active rather than sitting. Dance with the kids, take a walk, enroll in classes, etc., etc. Not only do you get the benefit of the exercise, it also keeps you from opening the refrigerator door during that time - a great side benny.

    Definitely if you have the opportunity to see a doctor, take advantage of that. But remember you have everything you need within you to succeed.

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    3698 days ago
  • DWYER1952
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    3698 days ago
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