I should forgive myself
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
It isn't easy at all.
I sit here, sit and aet so much I can barely move. Full blown regression. Has been like that for months. Spring came with happy news, summer killed me, fall - my dearest fall, I am spending hating my life.
If not for Ela, I wouldn't leave the house at all!
Day by day, I think I should get up. But I don't. And to top it all, the weather is so great, I just keep thinking - perfect weather for running. But I do not think I could run any more. Nor now. I could WALK. Like I did in the beginning. I have great new shoes, loads of new workout clothes. Most of it is too tight now. I am scared to step on the scale. That would be the last slap in the face.
I am really ashamed. Really not liking myself.
I should, really, forgive myself the bad choices and weaknesses. In order to move on. But I keep hating myself for taking that stinking job, for the leg surgery that didn't help, for everything!