The healing power of the sea
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I posted this on one of my threads - and then felt that it would be good to come back to and read again.
My doctor told me yesterday that I was neglecting my heart (in the sense of my joy.) And she felt it was delaying the healing of my hip. We talked about the stressers that I am experiencing right now and how I might deal with them. I joked that it sure would be nice if I could just move to the beach, pop a tent and not have to worry about all of life's problems. She asked me how long it's been since I was at the beach. Shamefully, I had to admit that it had been a long time. I am in the beach parking lot many weekends when we meet to ride our bikes but I rarely go over the dune and look at the ocean. So my homework (are doctors allowed to give out homework? LOL) was to go to the beach at sunrise. She also wanted me to pack up all my anger and fear into a tight little ball and throw it into the ocean. And if I was feeling fairly alone and gutsy - to scream at the top of my lungs until I felt better.
So this morning, I got up at 4:10 and did one of my FIRM video tapes. For some reason, everything seemed to take me longer this morning. The dog was playful and I got a few emails. So I was running a bit behind my planned schedule. I showered and drove over to the beach. I arrived about 5 minutes after sunrise. Which was fine - the sun was still low and the waves were high and rough. I took my shoes off and walked down to the ocean and walked barefoot in the surf. I took in the enormity of the sea - as well as the graceful power in the waves. At first they seemed angry but as I watched them, it was obvious that there was a gentleness to the power in them. For the first time in a very long time, I talked to God. I remembered how holy I felt when I was little and took my first communion. I remember how much I loved that feeling and how much better it was than the loneliness that I've been feeling lately. I told him a few things that I needed to say and asked him to help me allow him back into my life. I didn't dare "throw my ball of anger" into the ocean today - I'll save that for my next trip.
As I walked back to my car, a man came running up behind me calling to me. He told me that he had been taking photographs and had used me in several because I had seemed so peaceful. Then he asked if I would like to join him for a cup of coffee. I was stuck that he should think I was peaceful at that moment. But maybe that was ultimately what it was. I thanked him for the offer but declined because I was running a few minutes late for a dental appointment. I'm not sure if I would have had coffee with him if I wasn't due somewhere. But it was terribly flattering to be asked.
That's all I have so far today - but I'm really very grateful for my doctor's intuitive understanding of my need to get to the beach!