They Came from All Sides!

Friday, August 03, 2012

The excuses attacked. They surrounded me and pulled me down. I admit it, I gave in. I allowed myself to be taken in by stress, heartache, laziness, and lack of motivation. I have been meaning to come back for so long, but I have been ashamed of myself for giving in.

The past few months have been rough. Things with my writing group became very stressful and hostile, and I ended up leaving the group. It was a very sad day for me. School became very overwhelming and money got really tight, so I depended on convenience foods. I haven't been sleeping much due to stress, so I have been using it as an excuse to not exercise. Then my good friend and mentor lost her battle with Leukemia and passed away. I have been very depressed.

My father-in-law goes in for double bypass surgery on Monday. My husband and I have been arguing about money a lot, and tensions are really high in my household right now. Finally, I snapped this morning at about 3:30 AM. I woke up out of a dead sleep and started having a panic attack. I couldn't go back to sleep, and I found myself being very angry with my husband. I sat in bed staring at him thinking, "Should I tell him I'm unhappy, or should I just tell him I want a divorce?"

When I thought about it, I didn't want to just give up on us like that, so I kicked him awake and told him we needed to talk. He wasn't happy, but I didn't care. When you reach that point where you need to make a big change in your life, you need to do it immediately. I told him I am unhappy and that we need to talk about our problems. We had a long talk, and I think I started to get through to him. I don't blame him for all our problems, we are both to blame. I feel better having gotten some things off my chest.

We also talked about our intimate relationship, and we told each other the same thing, "I would like it if you lost weight." I told him that we should do it together because it would be easier for both of us that way, and we can rely on each other for support. He seemed keen on the idea, and I signed him up for Spark People as well to help him keep track of everything.

I don't know exactly how things will end up for us. But I can honestly say I feel good about having talked. We can't just keep ignoring things and hoping our problems go away, and we need to be more involved in each other's lives.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Fantastic !!!! You did not run to a lawyer, that shows me you want this marriage to work, I give praise to your husband for being woke out of sleep, & listened to what was hurting you. Having your husband wanting a change is saying he wants this marriage also to work. You both have a lot of work ahead of you however it can be done if you both want it bad enough. You mark this day down as a day of a knew life, & exactly one year from now.to this very date. I know you said no more pictures, however I think it would be a great idea if you both take pictures from,side, front & back then in one year post if you want or have them your self's to see the progress Numbers on the scale tell also but I think pictures are a big motivator & seeing how far you have come & to say WOW look what we accomplished together!!!!!!
    3044 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10757449
    I'm praying for you and your marriage. I'm a divorcee and it broke my daughter to pieces for the longest and I had to learn that I was my own pillar! It was a tough time for me. Being able to talk to your husband is an option that didn't work for me. It's hard but I am so happy you spoke up THEN AND THERE and it worked for you both.

    Troubles in a marriage are never any one person's fault. You can do it and take care of yourselves combined. Emotional, physical, mental...they all can be fixed with time, love and patience. I'm happy you're back and I am always around if you need to gab.

    Take care my friend and remember, you're in my prayers!
    3044 days ago
  • RMARSH07
    It sounds like you have had a really hard time. My opinion....but money problems are the biggest stress on a relationship. Can you realize that the money problems are clouding you vision of reality. The old saying God doesn't close a door...he opens a window. OK girl...he has blown the roof off for you. I hope you get out of bed in the morning and thank God for the great day he will provide for you.

    Go outside at daybreak, breath deeply, sit still and look at all the amazing miracles around you. Then go in the house and look in the mirror...what you will see is His greatest miracle.

    OK, that's me rambling. As someone who deals with depression on a regular basis I am sending you hugs. emoticon
    3044 days ago
    Its nice to have a workout buddy like a husband. Its cool he talked to you at 3 am. That is a lot to deal with. Would you do a 5 pound loss tribute for your friend? I try to do it for my mom who passed away. After she died I gained a lot of weight. So now im ready to get rid it.
    3044 days ago
  • MPLANE37
    Good job. You did well.
    3044 days ago
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