feeling stressed lately
Thursday, August 16, 2012
So this is usually how it goes... I got my new elliptical a week and a half ago and already ive lost my motivation to exercise every night. I was doing good then something upsets me and my whole world collapses. stupid anxiety. I was really exhausted and sore yesterday so i chose not to work out and then tonight i just plain didnt want to. We are struggling finacially and my husband is super stressed out and putting pressure on me to find a job. I want to go back to work, doing what i want to do, not just some mundane job to earn a paycheck. I have been applying to places that im interested in, but no luck yet. We argue alot when we have no money... I try and tell him we have no money because we pay our bills. That doesnt make him feel better and i feel like its my fault that we have no extra money because im not working. Im carrying the world on my shoulders, do everything that a mother and wife should do but somehow its not enough. Im not sure if im living by my standards or his. WE only have 1 car and he works nights. So im expected to get the kids to school, the baby to daycare, myself to work, work all day to someones elses expectations then pick up the baby, get the kids to do homework, cook dinner, bathe everyone, put them to bed, find time to pickup the house, make sure the laundry is clean for school and work, and somehow find time to exercise and shower before bed so that i can sleep 6 hrs and do it all over again. NOT HAPPENING! I feel like i already have a job. My husband is never home except on the weekends when he doesnt get up till 4pm. My place is here in the home and his is out there in the workforce. What is his constant need for more money? Im just happy to have the bills paid and food to eat. Not him, he wants to do stuff. WEll i say, if you cant afford your lifestyle, change the way you live. Im so stressed out and it really effects my nerves, my health, my emotions, my ability to strive and feel good day to day. I exercised 6 days last week. I'll be lucky if i get 5 days this week :) I talked myself into exercising tonight then i get on my machine and batteries dead. How convenient! I kept telling myself that if i exercised it would help with my stress so i finally decide to do it then... NOTHING. Like really!? I swear my negative thinking must have drained the battery juice or something. Why am i not Superwoman?