Argghhhh

Sometimes i feel like a pirate. Angry and irate and just wanna get intoxicated and make everyone else do the work. Its one of those irate pirate days. Very easily irritated and overwhelmed. Just so much to do and so little time. I dont want to do anything. My mind is so full of thoughts, today, its things that annoy me. sometimes is creative ideas or fun things to do, but not today. Its like im bleep ing in my head. I drive my own self crazy. I need a vacation from my life. Its not easy being a mother, a wife , and an individual. I have lost myself in these titles. I love my life and my kids and my husband but sometimes i dont enjoy it. Its like my life poos on me. For example, i try to do something nice this past weekend with the kiddos and take them to the library to get cards and they were having a little event there too! fun right.. That idea was ruined upon finding out we couldnt get cards because we didnt have proof of address. Lame! The website didnt say to bring proof of address. So we left, I get irritated and then i dont want to be there anymore. I have very little tolerance .... My toddler just goes from one mess to the other in like a circle fashion. He doesnt finish one thing before he starts another and im just constantly picking up his messes and turning off him elctricity, tv's ,lights, toys, etc. Its frustrating. Its never ending. My house is always a mess, and theres always something to be cleaned. I have lost my personal identity. Last weekend my husband told me to quiet down when we were outside in front of the neighbors. How dare he!!!??? I was talking loud, i realize that, but the mini rail was running and i could barely hear myself. So happy you have super hearing hubby. I let it go, then we were talking again and he asked me if i was alright, apparently i was talking to loud again and it made him think i was grouchy. After that i went inside. didnt want to chat anymore. Just be outside by yourself. It embarrassed me. and hurt my feelings. oh well. I need more purpose in my life than to serve my husband and kids. But im afraid i cant take on anymore tasks. I already do too much it feels. But my house, and motherly duties is making me crazy. The yucky stuff is just rolling into this week day by day. I feel alone, overwhelmed, lost, used, unappreciated, and crazy. Arggghhhhh