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Emotional Eating Healing, entry 2: Clearing the Childhood Cobwebs

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

So I have realized my bad eating habits began as a child, I have to ask myself why. Well, first I had to have money to buy my candy, my parents gave it to me, not knowing I would not use that money wisely and buy sweets, they just thought they were being nice. But something was not right within me, I was eating those treats to make me feel better, because I did not feel good about myself. The instant gratification of a treat, covered deeper problems that a child may not know how to handle. Unfortunately I had suffered some very unkind situations, which may be defined as abusive by some. I have been trying to make peace about these things and God is by my side now as an adult. But as a child, I was really alone from these episodes, already being an only child didn't help, I was withdrawn inside myself, I was also bullied for my unusual name, Ingrid, the kids preferred calling me Ignorant, it hurt. I didn't know it was making me not like myself, and I needed food to fill the void to make me feel better, to mask the pain inside. Something inside me was bigger than this, it was God. God led me all by myself to groups were I could draw closer to Him, to learn, study, have fellowship and fun with other Christian kids. I found out about a bible camp in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, I asked my parents if I could go, they were not sure, but I begged, then they let me go and I ended up going for 6 summers, I became a born-again Christian in 1976 at that camp and it put a seed into me of how I wanted to live my life. Sadly at one of my camp physicals, I was touched inappropriately by my dr. in a private area with my mom behind a curtain. I had trouble having eye contact with people after that, I didn't tell anyone until later in my adult years, I felt awful for a long time after that happened, kind of a dirty feeling. I also found another club in my hometown called Awana, I joined, rode the big church bus and had the best of times learning bible verses, singing, playing in the gym, I worked for the highest Awana award and did make it, I earned the Timothy award for learning many Bible memory verses. I thank God for giving me these activities in Jesus Name. I believe I was led to them in a divine manner to help me, a lonely, abused, only child with a funny name. He is still seeing me through. I see that these rough times should have taught me to rely more on the Lord, but my human side, my sinful side had a stronghold on me, I loved God, but still loved my sweets. I was struggling with an inner battle, I know around age 12, I looked at myself and I had got quite chubby, very round face, maybe even a double chin. I knew I had to do something. I started exercising in my basement, I also jogged from time to time. This was the start of the weight loss and weight gaining journey, more like a roller coaster that would keep taking me up and down into adulthood. As I release the negative experiences and toxic events of my childhood, let me gain inner peace and a fresh new perspective and how to live my live as God would have me honoring the body He gave me with healthy and nourishing food.

I can do this.

more entries to follow.

emoticon Inga emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Now that you are facing these painful
    memories, and sharing with friends
    who will support you, I know that
    you will love your self more. Stay
    close to God, because without HIm,
    we are lost. He lifts us up and gives
    us strength to attain our hearts desire.
    I am so sorry that you have been a
    victim of verbal abuse which is so
    painful and so hard to let it go. Mean
    people can sometimes make us believe
    we are unworthy, but that is a lie. God
    made you in His likeness, and to him
    and people who love you, you are a
    beautiful woman inside/out. I hope
    that you gain the strength to believe
    that you are special and refuse in the
    future, to never let anyone make you
    feel any different. emoticon emoticon
    2896 days ago
    emoticon all, I have to change. My whole life I have been eating junk to relive pain, each blog I write frees me. emoticon
    2896 days ago
    Inga, you are such an inspiration. Hugs and love to you; you are such a beautiful person.
    2896 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1405508
    This is a good start Inga...dealing with our past..we all have one..this is key for you I'm happy for you:)
    2896 days ago
    Inga, I don't have the words, but I know you're healing now and the insight you're gaining today will help tomorrow. You can do this, a step at a time. Hugs and blessings to you.

    your friend always, Rebecca
    2897 days ago
    Inga, I hope that getting all of this out will help you to heal. When you feel like mistreating and abusing your body please pray or reach out to one of us. We are here for you anytime. The church and teaching Sunday School seems to make you feel better so I hope you will co tinge to do ore of those activities so you can improve your self esteem
    2897 days ago
    2897 days ago
  • LINDA!
    Oh Inga, it is difficult for us to think of these painful memories. I am glad that you are coming through and sharing with others. It is good to write down the issues that caused us pain. It is a release. You are also showing all of us that we can overcome the unfortunate experiences and use them to make a better life. God bless you, dear friend. emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1898454
    It's a hard thing to talk about painful memories, but acknowledging them allows God to begin to heal them. God will give you victory over this, just continue to obey His leading!
    2897 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7658463
    Your are stronger than you are aware of, having expressed your challenges that no child should have to face. You can beat the giant. You are a beautiful person. Never stop believing in yourself. emoticon
    2897 days ago
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