Lost in the middle of the journey...

When I started this journey, I could basically say I had no "Me time¨. I was the type of person who woke up, showered, pulled up my wet hair, tossed on some work clothes and went out the door - no fussing around required. As part of the decision to be healthier, I decided to gain some self focus. I started Sparking; reading articles, tracking food, and points gathering. I started spending time buying groceries to gain better choices. I had a quick exercise routine of 10-30 minutes every other night. The positive energy enabled me to have better job focus and take a promotion.

Half way to my goal, and more stress with a job promotion... the time to track and shop was falling away. I maintained my weight with the knowledge I had gained, while failing to notice the trend to eat more calories at each meal. Now gaining weight, I felt the need to add more exercise and ST to my already full day. I manage to do this for small spurts of time off and on. Now, I feel I must conclude that I have lost my "me time¨ again.

In the beginning of this journey, it was easy to go from zero time to about two hours a day. Now I have this feeling that I have "two¨ (not), so how could I find more? What am I missing that two hours of time isn't enough to finish my goal? Have I allowed too many other goals fill those two hours to make any real progress? (getting the house ready to sell, signing my daughter up for swimming, planning the family vacation, etc.) Does each pound get harder to lose? Or have I just allowed my lazy less focused ways take hold again? And why does asking these questions of myself make me want to sleep instead of get moving? Is it stress, fear, depression, (my husband's depression), or just self doubt causing this fog? Grrrrr....

I really don't see the path I found when I started. The idea that drinking water and finding 10 minutes doesn't seem like it would make a bit of difference any more.... And yet saying it brings real tears to my eyes, because I know that every minute I spend caring for myself always pays off. Sigh.... I guess taking the time to know how I am feeling is a start.