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Coming Out....

Monday, August 12, 2013

This is a status I posted on my Facebook yesterday evening, and I figured I would post it HERE now as well. So EVERYONE can see not only my upsides but my downsides as well.

I think not only does it apply on FB but it applies on here.

After I post this I will be posting another blog. The next will be just talking about my day yesterday. Plan on doing that for now on.


I am going to be COMPLETELY HONEST and open with what I am about to say. I have NEVER been one to hide things nor not be an open book. I tell it like it is and I tell it in the RAWEST form.

I have been on my weight loss journey since 2007.

Over the past 4 years I have STRUGGLED with my weight and different forms of addictive behavior.

In 2009 in my last trimester with Gavin I was told I NEEDED to eat more for his sake. At this time I was in the addictive/restriction in calories and over exercising. So I did just that. After that I have had to struggle and fight more then anyone can understand.

Come 2011 I was at my lowest (while not breastfeeding) and stopped breastfeeding so to make sure I stayed there I turned to binge and purge. Some of you may remember me crying for help.

Almost all the way through 2011 and almost to 2012 I started running LONG distances...this is when it started going downhill. I was still restrictive in my add lots of running which would mean I would eat 1200 calories IF not 1100 and burn 1600. I would be good for few weeks then I would feel like I was dying so Id eat...and Id keep eating because I "starved" my body.

AT this point I started gaining weight. I gained 16 lbs in 2011. Id maintain that for 6 months, then gain ANOTHER 10 lbs in 2012. Maintain that for 6 months. NOW ANOTHER 16 lbs since then in 2013. So from my lowest I am NOW 40 lbs heavier & from my original goal I am NOW 33 lbs heavier.

This is more of a STRUGGLE for me then just anyone can imagine. This runs soul deep. Emotional, physical, & every level. It's not just a turn off switch. I have been trying to get it straight for a long time...since it all started, but only have a few days success.

I am an emotional eater. I am an over eater. I am fighting an addiction. I have so many good things and so many bad things in my life that it's hard on my mind, body, & soul, and this just adds to the struggle.

These are NOT excuses but instead the hardcore truth.

Why am I writing this for EVERYONE to see?!

SIMPLY because it is a battle I can no longer keep to myself. I am an outspoken human being who has been forced (by my addiction) to keep it to myself. I have no one to talk with, & I stay INSIDE the house ALL...DAY...LONG.

I am writing/saying this for EVERYONE to see so that YOU can make the choice to DELETE ME if you must.

I NEED to start voicing my struggles with food addiction. How I am feeling, what I am doing etc.etc. for my OWN recovery. So I WILL be posting statuses about it all for now on.

If you do not want to SEE, HEAR, or DEAL with my "annoying nonsense" please feel free to remove me. I will understand.

I need to do this FOR ME.

Thank you!!

With that being said: Today has been a success. Day 1 complete.
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