Feeling Defeated 8-19-13
Monday, August 19, 2013
Let me START by saying NO I have not fallen off the wagon. I have done just fine. Met my minimum past couple days and ran 5 miles yesterday. Still going strong.
Could NOT Dance last night though. Nor could I work out today.
I have been in pain due to my spinal cyst, dead disc, & spinal deterioration. All the dancing past couple days must have upset it all. Just praying it stops.
Today I feel defeated. Plain out defeated. My spinal CRAP makes me realize, nothing will ever change except for get worse. There is no way to make my dead disc resurrect, there is no way to make my degeneration disease stop and revive itself, nor is there a way to make the cyst shrink or disappear. This is NOT negativaty but REALITY. This was all as of year ago when I found out. Lord only knows if its gotten worse. With this..my mind & heart wonders...how am I supposed to workout if my spine is this way and wants none of it? Im supposed to do ok for 1 day then be done for several? Why the hell does this need to effect ME! Then on another note...my teeth. No matter what I do I always have some kind of painful issues with them! I just don't #$%¥ing get it! Im at loss on everything...I really am.
Yesterday it POURED & found out my garage leaks, and floods some when it rains. It STINKS today and has stains, etc etc.
I am also tired of my circumstances of living in a 90 degree house all day long. Due to having an a.c not adequate for the house, & no insulation in our attic. We bought this house little over 3 mos ago & have lived this way since day 1. I'm hot today, I am tired today, and I am just frustrated with it all. Im tired of seeing a $400+ electricity bill BECAUSE of the house trying to cool itself at 90 degrees (which is where I have it set because it will NOT cool off anymore then that) & it running all day just for that. I have fans going portable swamp coolers, and blah blah blah.
I cant afford insulation nor a "bigger" a.c. So please don't even suggest that. I got used to it..but i think just because I am so tired & feeling the way I feel it makes it HOT.
I am defeated due to my spinal issues......