Monday, September 23, 2013

This has been the worst summer of my life. Dramatic, but true statement.
I got a job, after many doubts and fears. And I liked it a lot!
I had a very ugly episode with a member of a family. Has me shaken ever since.
Then my father started getting sick and after a morning spent in the ER, for which I called to let the boss know I may not be able to show up - the trouble at work started. They let me know the position I liked was no longer mine and I had two weeks to prove myself at another position, or I get fired.
After many, many tears, I decided to accept my Dr's offer and so... I have been on a sick leave all summer.
My dad had many episodes and relapses, and it all got me to a point where I thought I was going insane.
Through all this, I have gained 15kg and lost all hope of getting better :(
I am now awaiting for my father's return from the hospital. I am working on final papers for the sick leave, and after that, back to being unemployed I go. I had to secure a hospital bed at home, have ordered and have to pay for the bed railing, because I live alone with my dad and at times I have to leave the house, I will have to have the rails up and dad secured, so he doesn't fall off the bed :(
I am not ready to commit to being a full time caregiver for my parent, yet again! I did it for 6 years with my mom and I know how hard it is.
I had started working out in June, but that was over real fast.
I have only a hope left, that somehow, someday, I will get a break from all the rotten luck and be able to care for myself...
I think of my old spark friends often and wish I could be part of the spark again...
For now, I just really am desperately trying to not cry and go insane
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  • no profile photo CD10748384
    1541 days ago
    thank you friends, so much!
    2366 days ago
    i am so sorry to hear about your dad's passing, i wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. the thing about troublesome times is that they make you stronger for the next go round. i hope there comes a time now for you to live your life and take control back. you are not alone in the struggle of life, or the struggle of the spark.this year i've parted ways from friends, lost family members, moved, got a new job, added a cat to the family, and packed on all the weight i lost - yes - all 96 +/- lbs...yet every so often i get out and struggle thru some fitness...trying to be hopeful instead of ashamed and take control instead of curling up in a ball of hate. if you ever need to talk send me a msg here on spark - i don't like to think of you flying solo in this big bad world. i am sending you love and strength.
    2367 days ago
  • LEXIE63
    Really sorry to hear all this. please do try to take care of yourself.
    Lex xxx
    2375 days ago
    So nice to hear from you.
    I am sorry that you are going through a rough time. Remember this too will pass ....... God will give you the strength to endure the hard parts of life and you will have good times again. You have a long life ahead of you.
    Take care of yourself. emoticon
    2386 days ago
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