"Doc I don't know what's wrong with me,
I get up everyday,
look in the mirror & I want to throw up!"
The Doc said," I don't think your eye sight is failing,
your vision is perfect!"
"Doc, Doc when I walk I hear clapping!"
"Ok, just walk for me.That's your butt cheeks cheering you on!"
"Doc, Doc, I have a hard time getting into my car, to drive here always. what should I do?"
The doctor hesitated for a minute, said," hmmm. Try taking twinkies with you."
"Why Doc?" "Because if your throw it into the car, I'm sure you will jump in the car after it!"
"Doc, doc, I get so sick of people making jokes about fat people, and exploiting us. Acting like we laugh at everything, including ourselves, and never get hurt. Can't they ever see how wonderful, and sensitive we are?"
"Well, I can see how wonderful you are, and love those monthly visits. And when I am not taking care of you, I am usually on vacation with my wife. But I hate going to the air port with all the hassles they put your thru."
" Last time I was there, their cameras put a lot of weight on me, and that was embarrassing.
Airport security lifted up my shirt and found 20 pounds of cookies in my pockets."
"Why are people so rude, that they think looks are everything, doc? Even my husband makes noises when I walk by, that sound like a pig. He bought me a dress once for my birthday. And it wasn't my size, but bigger. It looked like a tent. Is that how he sees me? And when he talks to me, he has given me a nick name. Calling me his little Whopper! Does that sound like he is supportive, or shallow?" " Well you know, he is right, you are a hand full, and definitely a Whopper with cheese."
"Doc, Doc when I got on the scale it said, One at a time, please."
"Doc, Doc I am having a hard time finding clothes that fit. The mirror seems to make the back of my dresses look smaller.They are no longer in sizes of xxxx's. the dress reads, "Made in Hungary, Turkey, China, U.S.A., Algeria, Japan, and Indonesia."
" Doc, Doc, I feel great, I embrace my curves, but I have a problem. I am so fat that my skin has stretched. Is there anything you can give me?"
"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes."
Then I strip down. The doctor pulls all my skin upwards and ties it in a ball above my head.
Then I ask the doctor, " where is my navel?" The Doc says," well I think you need to send out a search party."
"Did you ever consider getting a detox? Or maybe an enema?" "Last time I skipped a meal, the stock market dropped. I don't know Doc, I don't understand what they do for me, other than everyone is trying to push them as a fast weight loss."
" Well if I give you one of either one, you can be buried in a shoebox rather than not being able to fit into a coffin."
"Doc, Doc what is wrong with me? Why am I getting fatter, than skinner when I diet. I don't go to Mac Donald's, like those commercials ordering 10 hamburgers, and eating them when I am alone. If they have golden arches, I don't make it past the front door." Then the Doctor replied, with a puzzling look on his face." Well, I guess I will tell you the truth since you have asked me. I have diagnosed you to have a flesh-eating disease, and I give you18 years to live."
If I have offended anyone by doing these jokes, I apologize. I just wanted to make light of a situation that we are all bewilder with. And have asked questions trying to have a better understanding of what is going on with ourselves. Many times people will lie to us & lead us in the wrong direction. Never telling us the truth. Or helping us to help ourselves. We need the support of our doctors, family, friends, and Spark community to help with on going bad habit in all our lives. We realize we have all experienced some of these things in one way or another. Having similar situations, we should move forward. Without feeling you are less than worthy, beauty, or valuable than a skinny person. What you have that is valuable isn't always on the surface. So please just forgive yourself, know that God loves you.
And if this isn't working for you, give me a call. I can have an off day for accountability. And I will split that glass of milk and cookies with you? Laughing at ourselves is good medicine to healing.
These jokes were taken from Comedy Central, and put all together for more impact. Here is the address this was taken from: www.jokes.com/funny-fat-