60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 79,383

Slammin it! Rescued by God!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

I'm starting a streak today! And I'm slammin it! Praise God!
It sure feels great when you can mentally and physically follow your plan/lifestyle.
I could not have done it without answered prayer. Without God's strength.

April is a hard month for me. Yesterday my oldest, first born would have turned 38. It was her birthday. Her name was Angel Ruth, I was 19 when I had her. I had been told at age 16 I'd never give birth to children. I asked God, "Why did You give her to me only to take her away."

10 years ago this July, she died. Now April is my melancholy month. Happy-sad-happy-sad. I became a mother for the very first time in April. And then I lost the child who opened my world to my new life as a mother. My life has never been the same. It didn't help that my last baby, my "surprise" baby (born when I was 47) was 6 months old when she died. She got to hold him, but he has no memory of her.

I also have 2 other precious daughters in Heaven. Both had medical conditions that let us know each day was a gift. But my daughter Angel's death was sudden, out of the blue, an un-expected a car accident. She was 5 months pregnant (with a daughter her fiance' named Angel Marie) getting married in 2 weeks, with her other 2 daughters (then 4 and 7) in the back seat. The girls survived. That was a blessing. But my baby died. She was supposed to take care of me in my old age. I was supposed to die first. It's not supposed to work like this.

Today when I woke up my heart was heavy. But I knew what I needed to do. I needed to take care of myself. I had fallen off plan the last 2 weeks- and eaten the worst ever, But today with every ounce of my strength, I chose to live. I chose to resume eating on plan. And it felt good. It felt like I slammed it. I can do this!

I had a set back. I'm human and life, well life, darn it ............is hard. But why make it harder. In the last 2 weeks my blood sugars soared, my Type 2 was not helped by my bad food choices. I felt like cr*p. Which at the time felt like what I deserved. But that was a lie. I couldn't think clearly off plan.

I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed as the hopeless, helpless person I am with out God's strength. He answered. I don't deserve the grace He gives- but I take it. I willingly, desperately take it. He lifted me out of my pit. Thank You God! Thank You!

So my new motto!
I'm slammin it! And I'm not letting anything get in my way. God's Army Angels are always by my side! (from a favorite Chris Tomlin song)

emoticon and love to you ALL!

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so sorry for all your losses. But take heart with this thought from James 1:13 I am hoping this will be a comforting thought for you. So sad that religion teaches that God causes these things...according to his word, this is not true!!
    2278 days ago
    2330 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14327086
    I'm so glad I got to read your story. I've fallen off the plan badly this spring Just the time I usually loose my winter gain. And with no pain like you have endured. Let's press on together keeping those blood sugars level - that means not sneaking choc chips for me : ( trusting God to make it all glorious in his time.
    2394 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14148396

    Thank you so much for sharing about your life.

    God bless you, honey,

    xoxo Sue
    2412 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14651201
    Thinking of you emoticon
    2413 days ago
    I hurt with you as I read your blog. I've had 7 miscarriages, among them one child was born, when I was 30. I gave up on having more at 40, sold all my baby things at a garage sale and Ryan was born 11 months later, at age 41.

    I don't know why God does the things He does. I just have to keep believing He is too wise to make a mistake, and too loving to be unkind.
    2417 days ago
    You need God's strength to keep us with all the children who are living with you and depend on you now. I know it must be hard. December is my bad month for missing Mike so I stay as busy as possible and still feel sad and sorry for poor old me every day - and it doesn't get much easier-no matter what people tell me. Amazing Grace how sweet the sound...sing along with me!
    2417 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Praying with you!
    2417 days ago
  • PATTYR81
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2417 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10895053
    I too am so sorry for you losing a child. I can't imagine and don't want to, but it does my heart good to know that you've found needed strength and are moving on in spite of your loss and are a shining light to all around you. emoticon
    2417 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/22/2014 11:07:49 AM
    Oh my sweet, sweet friend, I am so sorry for the losses you have suffered..... God sent your message my way this morning. Just as I was about to log out of my email, your blog message came through. I too have been floundering the last month and feeling lost, unhappy, sad, confused, stressed out, and brain fogged due to my awful choices in my eating habits, my diabetes, and LIFE!

    You lifted my shoulders this morning and reminded me to have a little talk with God.....

    We can do this my friend..... He will make sure of it!

    2417 days ago
    (((hugs))) I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. Praise God that you're able to find your strength again. (((hugs)))
    2417 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by JUST-ELIZ