life struggles and and how i have learned to better handle them on this journey !!
Sunday, November 09, 2014
this is an answer i just posted to a blog of a friend, and i thought, hey, this might make a good blog for me to post and perhaps inspire someone other guys and gals here who are struggling .. so here it is, my response to her blog !!
i have been where you are, am still there sometimes, even more than i would like i guess .. my mother was not able to love any one either, and i don't think she wanted any of her children .. she was very emotionally disturbed and mentally ill and at most times absusive woman, a poor mother .. made me and my sibllings ill equipped to deal with life and all it's issues. .i too have bi-bolar disorder and personality disorders (i believe casue by failure to thrive syndrome when i was a child), i also have severe depressive illness (i almost succeeded in taking my life a few years back), anxiety and stress... and chronic sleep disorder too.. as well as fibro and arthritis in my back which is quite bad and causes me quite a lot of pain in addition to my fibro, as well as other conditions/severe issues with my gastro system.. .. the journey i have been on this year is a quest to improve all areas of my life, including pain issues and emotional ones, physical ones, all emcompassng ones ...to gain control and be in a better place emotionally and pysically than where i was.. i needed to stop making excuses and start making progress (like when i quite smoking 6 years ago) .. you need to just jump in and start with one area at time in your life until you get a handle on it, then move to another and another, until you are better equipped to deal with and handle your life.. let go of that which you can't control (like find other things than wishing your mother loved you to make you happy, i too am far away from in distance and not close emotionally to the rest of my family for the most part, but my mother is gone now and i have let go of the pain and anger and accepted she was mentally ill and did what she was capable of and have forgiven so i could let go and move on, forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about you letting go and moving forward and NOT feeling badly all the time and no longer full of pain, anger and resentment).. keep only positive people in your life ... small but steady steps, and make this your mantra, as i have "I Will Not Give In, I Will Not Give Up, and "QUIT" is absolutely NOT an option !" .. i have a bracelet i had made that says just that and i never take if off .. one of the best $19.00 i ever spent, it is silicone rubber, so i can even shower with it on and it comes in a wide selection of colors,i can give the link to anyone who is interested in making one, you can make it say whatever you want) with a metal band that slides over it ..it says .. ~I AM STRONG~~ next line ~~I WILL EVER GIVE IN~~ next line ~~I WILL NEVER GIVE UP~~ last line ``QUIT IS NOT AN OPTION~~ ..and i look at it every time i am working out if i feel like throwing in the towel, or when i feel like trashing my diet, or the desire to go to my corner and hide (because like you i am a social homebody.. once i get out i am fine, it is the getting out part) .. so i understand exactly where you are and where you are coming from .. i have lost 76 lbs since Jan of this year, and i am more active than i have been in a long long time .. but more importantly, i am doing more to accept what i cannot change, and change what i can, and let go of the rest .. i feel more alive since beginning this journey and have learned so much about myself and how how to take care of me than i have in almost a lifetime.. i am excited for the future, to start my own jewelry and homemade craft business, to draw and pain again, and do some pottery and learn to play my full key electronic keyboard ..and get back to a life i can enjoy ..find some things you love to do to bring some joy into your life and just get started on them ..just know you CAN do it .. sounds to easy perhaps, or to cliche' and perhaps easier said than done, and this HAS been a struggle for me, but i kept perservering ... you just have to make up your mind to start taking the steps and then one at a time work on different aspects until you are more comfortable, and keep going until you are happier and fulfilled and where you want to be in your life .. that is the important stuff i have learned along the way .. so much more important than the numbers on a scale .. the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step !! sounds like you are taking some steps but need to step it up even more .. again, you CAN do it ..you are stronger than you think, more capable than you believe, and more able than you know !! you must believe this .. make signs and post it all over your walls if you need to .. I AM STRONG!! I AM CAPABLE!! I AM ABLE!! AND I 'WILL' !! good luck to you .. things will get better .. just keep taking small steps in the right directions!! JUST DO IT ~~