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Not Giving In or Up

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

This is me last Aug. 2014 just before I started my last leg of the Portland to Coast walk. It was noon, hot, lots of sun, and I finished it.

The last couple of months have been full of anger, tears, resigning my job, parent/sibling drama, and life in general.

Resigning from my job was actually a blessing. I had spent almost 3yrs. being treated without respect for my position or me. The month of Feb. was the best time I had at the job because I knew I was leaving. It was not without it's drama which was a daily occurrence. I was very angry when I left and even thought of suing the company for the way I was treated and the way others were allowed to treat me without being held accountable for their actions. I have decided it is not worth the pain to myself to sue them. I believe in Karma and I don't have to be around to see it work but I know it will in time for this company.

Moving my scale was worse than resigning my job. I had worked so hard so thought I had to lose down to 219lbs. or so I thought. Moving the scale from one room to the other equated to gaining from 219 to 243. I had a Dr. appt the following week and his scaled showed 243 also letting me know that either I gained weight or never lost it to begin with. Which would explain why my clothes weren't fitting much different than 1yr. ago. This was a real blow to my thought process of getting rid of the weight. I've been working so hard for 3yrs and for nothing.

I am working on changing my thought process, returning to the gym, returning to roller derby, tracking my food, tracking my water. All of it. I am not giving in or giving up. I am not happy with just losing 40lbs. I want, I need, I deserve, so much more than this.

I will recommit myself to getting the body and and health that I want, need, and deserve. I am worth it, I am amazing, I may not be perfect but I am amazing, loving, willing, smart, and beautiful.
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