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Starting 2016 with more of whimper than a bang.

Monday, January 04, 2016

I decided to restart two of my challenges because I haven't felt well enough to check in daily. I got sick on Christmas night and I have been sick since. I did get my annual flu shot and I do take multi-vitamins as well. However as the year end holidays became closer I found myself sleeping less and eating erratically so my guess is I was more run down than I thought. I absolutely hate having the flu. Every part of my body hurts and I can't sleep because I cough all night (even with medicine to prevent that). I also am having a heavier menstrual flow than usual as well. "When it rains it pours!"

It has been a stressful late summer and fall. My Dad,and surviving parent, (Mom died in 2008) was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer (he quit smoking 16 years ago) and given 6 months to live. He died one month later on September 11th. He did not leave a will but my younger sister, who was his primary caregiver, found some financial papers so we were able to pay for his funeral and burial expenses from that. I had not been back to my home state since Mom died so we drove the 2000 mile round trip.

My sister insisted that we use this opportunity to load our car up with 'stuff' from our parents' house so that is what we did. I can say that I did not feel like doing that as well as preparing to both sing and give the eulogy at Dad's memorial service but I did anyway. At the last hotel we stayed at our room was burglarized and my wedding ring set was stolen (I had taken it off because it was tight from both my RA and having eaten 2 meals out in restaurant for a week straight). So, when I came home I was grieving and wore out.

I did have my wedding ring set insured and so once I got the insurance check I went shopping for a new ring set. I had a new set by the time Christmas arrived. However, getting in the 'Christmas spirit' took a little bit more effort. I had the Christmas tree up two weeks before I finally decorated it. Getting ready for Christmas this year felt like I was in 'slo-mo' the whole time but I seemed to snap out of my blue funk about a week before Christmas and although it was just my husband and I, it ended up being a lovely, quiet and peaceful time together. So, getting sick so quickly on the heels of a few nice days really was discouraging.

I did 'indulge' in pizza (my #1 comfort food) as well as chocolate during this entire time. I didn't eat three meals a day (more like 1 big one) so I expected a weight gain which I did have (around 6 lbs.--3 of which I have already lost because of being sick). When I could I did try to get on this site and learn more about it and the 'tools' that I would be using moving forward. Although my 'start up' was quite bumpy I am not deterred from still making losing weight my #1 goal for 2016.

In the past because I was such a perfectionist I would cease trying or allow myself to be stalled indefinitely when events like what has happened occurred. I recognized this trait as being a real 'game changer' for me this past year and I have worked at having more realistic expectations. I think that is why I didn't eat away my feelings. I tried to eat a balanced food plan and most of the time I did. When I did have a day where I just wanted to order pizza I did and accepted that. I didn't beat myself up because I wasn't being perfect at this particular time. I reminded myself that my best today would have to be good enough and I let it go at that. I didn't exercise because all I wanted to do was sleep. I think most nights I end up sleeping an average of 12 hours and most days I am just too tired to do much.

Well, as the saying goes, 'this too shall pass', the depression that I felt has lifted. I am slowly feeling better and I resumed tracking my food today. Since I am still coughing, especially when I get warm, I am going to wait a few days before I jump back into doing some kind of specific exercise. I reset my Diabetes Weight Loss challenge because that is what brought me here. I don't want to miss out on anything important.

"This time" I feel like my attitude is more accepting and forgiving than in the past. I recognize that these have been a couple of difficult months that I have had to pass through and I did the best that I could. I have been down but I am not 'out'. I am still in the ring and the fight is still on.

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