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101 Days Fitting Me

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

I would call this journey 101 days to finding me, but I like to think I've already been found.
Today is a new day for me. I'm starting over, and I know everyone gets sick and tried of starting over...but this girl {me} is entering into a new self made status. I'm sick of living in depression, imaginary struggles, empty promises, and dreams I made to a much younger smaller me.

I'm talking about the small 15 year old me that wasn't a mother, but a young teen looking to make her mark in life, but didn't because she was too busy trying to live up to others [my mother's] expectations of me. Life hits...16 y/o teen mother, and I've been fighting life, weight, divorce, remarried and my mothers expectations ever since.

I had to sit back and take a long look at my life. First, I had to figure out why I kept on regaining my weight. Secondly, I had to find out what was holding me back from moving forward with my weight loss journey. I've been successful so many times, and I am sick and tried of trying over and over again just to get [a] slim chance at a chance I had before.

It's not easy when you struggle. But I feel I can do 101 days of fitting me back into my fit box. There's no reason to give up now, and I have no reason to hide everything. I might as well come clean. Well, as clean as I know my story to be.

I stopped smoking 2 years ago. I put on 70 pounds since I stopped, and I think my regain was 35 pounds a year. I went from 163.0lbs September of 2014 to 233.0lbs January of 2017
Emotionally, I thought I could handle the gain as I stopped smoking. WRONG!!!
I was bitched slapped with reality. I did it, but I gained like crazy. The first year was depression because I couldn't get into the swing of things. Then the 2nd year was pretty much working, and never finding the time to [FIT ME IN TO MY LIFE].

I was so busy working crazy hours, sleeping late into the day, and finding it hard as heck to find a balance to fit me in. I thought since the job was physical labor I would lose weight. What I gained was a lifted ass and nicely shaped legs, but who wants 33" thighs and a hip to hip ratio of 54" when those number used to be 28" thighs and 43" hip to hip ratio. I'm looking at me, and I don't like this 225 pounds me. Yes, since January the 2nd I've turned a few things around and manage to lose 8 pounds, but I still struggle to hold balance.

So...since I was struggling with work, my time, and a few other important things to me; I thought it would be best for me to turn everything around, and quit the dead end job just to seek another one that would fit my needs. I don't have 365/366 days to give to someone else other than me and my family anymore. I can give myself, but the timeline has to be reasonable. It started off as a timeline I could really work with, but every month the job felt more demanding and it wasn't paying off respectfully.

I need a (JOB) that fits in with the ideal of me and who/what I'm striving to be. I know jobs can be physical, but I need a physical job that fits my timeline, and crazy as it may sound. Walking 10 to 15 miles 8 to 11 hours 5 to 6 days a week wasn't cutting it.
My feet hurt the most and my nerve endings were on 10.
My body didn't shut down until 6am in the morning, and I was back up at 1:30pm just to do it all over again by 4pm clock in. I've disrespected my body with smoking, but this job was one of the most life changing disappointment ever.

I just wanted to work so I can retire in 7 years. How you might ask? My last kid graduates next year, and my house would be paid off in 7 years. I don't want to wait until I retire to get on with life. I want to work through this change so I can enjoy the journey of changing and growing. I want to grow at 40. I don't want to enjoy life later, I want to enjoy life now!

That's why it's so important that I find 101 days to fit me in.
Since 3/5/2017 I've been doing fair. I'm 9 of 101 days complete so far, and grateful for the challenge of change. Now, I know prefect won't be the answer for me, but as long as I fit me in somehow someway...I'm fully committed to fitting me into me.

No one knows how the day is going to go the moment we wake up, but we know we have direction and we must lead with that.
Here's to fitting me.

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