If you like who you are, really like who you are, I suggest you close your Spark account right now. I mean it. Don’t bother reading any further. Don’t even consider healthy nutrition choices. Forget about moving your body. Being a part of this journey will change you from the inside out. You will be challenged in ways you never imagined. You will be frustrated. You will be encouraged. You will be angry. You will be happy. You will run through so many conflicting emotions, often times during the same day, you will question your sanity. If you don’t live alone, the people you live with will question your sanity too. The tell tale sign they are doing this is when you start noticing that all the knives are missing.
Sometimes those changes will race up to you, hit you in the back of the head, and force you to make a decision. That happened to me this week. Recently I lost some weight. My clothes, especially my pants, and I were destined to part ways. I tried to pretend they were some really fun palazzo pants, but was getting a little tired of the walk ten steps, hitch them up, walk ten steps, hitch them up. I was one step away from them falling down all together. There are cameras all over my work. I am very afraid I will appear on America’s Funniest Home Videos. If I do, I hope I am at least wearing decent underwear. It’s a 50-50 shot.
If you have played the weight game, which is way less fun than it sounds, then you know all about the multiple size clothing lurking in your home. I had three very large suitcases filled with smaller sized clothing. It was time to pull it all out. I spent hours, and a lot of sweat, trying them on. Finally separating it into two piles of fits and not yet. It was a good feeling.
Now I faced a dilemma. What should I do with my too big clothes? Should I put them in the empty suitcases? Do I dare give them away? What if the weight comes back? I’ve been down this road before. I’ve given clothes away, only to gain it all back. That is when the light bulb went on. If I keep the clothes, then I am already preparing to fail. I am telling myself I can’t do this. I am telling myself that my past choices have to be my future choices. If there is one thing I have learned, I am not that girl anymore.
Another light bulb went off. It was like the paparazzi were taking up residence in my head. I realized I have changed.
The girl that eats food just because it is there…I am not that girl anymore.
The girl that lies to herself on her food tracker…I am not that girl anymore.
The girl that wears clothes that she doesn’t like…I am not that girl anymore.
The girl that follows the same plan expecting different results…I am not that girl anymore.
The girl whose emotions are based on the scale…I am not that girl anymore.
The girl that avoids going to the doctor until she loses 5 more pounds…I am not that girl anymore.
The girl that avoids healthy movement…I am working on her.
The girl that doesn’t stay up reading one more chapter…I am working on her.
The girl that avoids social situations…I am working on her too.
Yes, this journey is changing me. From the inside out.
Until next time. Be Safe. Be Strong. Be Healthy. Keep Sparking!
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