If you have read my blogs the past few days, then you know because of my overactive imagination my Christmas letter to family and friends turns into more of a book. So that I do not freeze up the Spark system, I am sharing it with you in four installments.
Continuing on with your own personal advanced copy:
6th brilliant thought: *Jack* has finally learned to speak my language. After 30-years, yes we reached 30-years this past April, he tells me he loves me with glitter on top. I almost cried when he said it. We started the year with intentional dates. Below is a picture of our Princess Bride Date. It was a great excuse to buy myself a tiara. *Jack* is wearing a mask from the Wild West Masked Man set from the dollar store. It came complete with an orange gun and silver plastic sheriff’s badge. One of our best dates was when we went for massages. It was *Jack’s* suggestion. Now we go every month out of medical necessity.
By the way, I have been looking into my genealogy and I should not have had to buy my own tiara. I don’t know if I should admit this based on all the inbreeding, but I am a descendent to both the British and the former French monarchies. I believe that someone has a tiara with my name on it and they are holding out on me. Given how the French monarchy ended, I don’t think they would have had much use for head gear anyway. Someone just needs to hand over what is rightfully mine. They will not be recipients of my Christmas letter until they do.
7th brilliant thought: Okay, maybe not a brilliant thought, more of an update. On the first day of my Whole 30 diet, Antelope decides he is not going to go back to school. Antelope who is 23 and has never had a job in his life. Antelope who drives with Bub to school as Bub does not have a license yet. Can you feel my blood pressure rise? What was he going to do? We aren’t getting any younger. I pictured him at 50 sitting on my couch playing video games in his boxers while brewing hooch in his closet. No one wanted to hire him because he had never worked because I mistakenly believed school was more important. We needed a miracle.
The school district that I work for has a manufacturing program. In order to get extra grant money, they have to enroll special education students. The administrator for the program came to my office to ask my boss for some names of potential students. I said “too bad you can’t take my son.” His response was that my son was eligible. I explained that he is 23 and long out of school. He told me that there are programs that he has contacts at that will take Antelope. I was given a name to pass on to Antelope and he called them. They had a 12-week program 5-minutes from my house. Antelope was given $10 an hour to attend class, gas cards, steel toe boots, and a paid internship. The company he interned at offered him a full-time job. He will also be given up to $8000 in tuition to attend school on Saturdays so that he can receive additional training and double his salary. These programs are open to anyone, regardless of income level. Manufacturing jobs are begging for trained employees. Their workforce is retiring, and there are not enough people to take the jobs. Crisis averted.
8th brilliant thought: We ended up getting a third car so that Antelope can drive to work. Since Antelope totally goofed things up, Bub is working on getting his license. Had some hair whitening issues with vehicle right of way, but he is now getting it. I read on the internet, so am not sure if this is really true, but there aren’t any official rules for right of way other than emergency vehicles get it. Again, if I owned the road, there would be no issue as Bub would always have the right of way. He should have his license in December. Stay off his road.
Bub still attends a local college. We found out that the school he attends has a guaranteed transfer program with UIC where he wants to attend. Bub wants to transfer spring of 2019. A little later than he planned, but at least he is moving in the right direction. He is majoring in Biology and still wants to be a dentist.
8.5 brilliant thought: Speaking of dentists, I had more oral surgery this year. Now you would think that I would have remembered my dental ordeal last year. In all fairness, many months had passed, and I am not as intelligent as K.C., which explains why I was so shocked when recovery was longer than what I anticipated. Guess I am just a product of all that inbreeding.
Last installment is tomorrow where I will reveal my alias to you then.