Day 24: Dealing with Disappointment
Saturday, March 24, 2018
This is another really good day because once again it is disconnecting your emotions from eating. In the past I have had my fair share of turning to food when dealt some kind of disappointment. This connects back to about life not being 'fair'. However, one aspect of disappointment that I have had to learn to deal with is disappointment in myself. I am a 'recovering' perfectionist and I have always expected a much higher standard for myself than others. Some of this comes from being the first born and having a very critical Mom that I was eager to please but I also had my own standards I established for myself. Needless to say I was pretty miserable for the majority of my adult life. I also think this is what fueled me to overeat. I was having trouble dealing with the frustration of not being or doing things perfectly.
Well, my Higher Power sure has had a lot to say about all of this. I am finally letting go of those impossibly high standards and trying to find what a normal regular 'Jane' like myself should expect of what and who I 'should be'. Well, come to find out the best answer for that is to 'be myself'. Of course, if you have been trying to be everything but that then it will take a while to figure it out. I still am. The backside of that is I have to start to face the disappointment(s) that I have had over the years in myself and then I have to do something that is the best way to counteract that: forgive myself. The more that I practice acceptance and then forgiveness the less need I have to eat over my disappointments in both life and myself.
There is a lot to be said about relaxing your standards. I am not saying that you go the opposite way and start becoming sloppy but that instead you start to create priorities in your life about what is worth pursuing to the highest degree and what is more realistic and practical to ease up on your efforts and ' giving it your all'. Not everything in life has to be done as though your life depended on it. Save your energies for the things that truly count and let go of the rest. It is just not worth your time and effort.
As I learn to relax my standards more I also learn to appreciate my efforts and when they pay off. I also am a more enjoyable person to live in my own skin but also for others to be around me. I don't mind not winning every time. I also don't mind losing once in a while either. If I have done everything I can on my end then I can relax and know I gave it my best. And, yes, that is good enough.
Life today is a lot more sane and at times a lot more serene. It all has to do with not allowing disappointment to spoil the day and overall demeanor. Once you've practiced saying, "Oh, well" then you aren't thrown when life really throws you a curve ball. You just learn to 'roll with the punches' and weather the storms. You find out what you are really made of too. And, it just might surprise you in the process.
You CAN deal with disappointment without turning to extra food. Maybe not perfectly the first time but try it and get a few tries under your belt and you will start to develop confidence that you truly CAN do this!