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Having trouble being my normal, cheerful, optimistic self

Saturday, April 28, 2018

I am sad. Almost all the time. Cry at the drop of a hat. Pitiful.

I have SO MUCH to be grateful for. In the last 5 years I had bilateral pneumonia with MRSA and 4 surgeries with that, open heart surgery with 5 bypasses and an aortic valve replacement, and cervical spine surgery, C4-C7 being totally rebuilt with titanium plates, screws and a cage. I could have been paralyzed from the neck down, but I wasn't.

I had my Nerve Conduction Velocity test on Thursday. I have mild carpal syndrome in my left hand, and moderate in my right hand. I don't want to find out what severe feels like. On the right hand the thumb, pointer finger and middle finger are always tingly, gradually becoming numb. That hurts. I'm beginning to lose the ability to feel very cold or very hot with that hand. I wear a compression brace, which sometimes helps. I will be buying a stiff brace that bends my wrist back a bit, which stretches the carpal muscle sheath. I'll wear that at night. I get chiropractic adjustments on both my hands, which help, and I've scheduled an acupuncture treatment next week to see if that will help. I will eventually have to have surgery. I am right handed. I knit. I craft. I sew. I HAVE to be able to use my hand!

Don't yet know if my hand issue was exacerbated by my neck surgery. I'm still waiting to have a CT scan scheduled for my neck.

Having problems with my left knee. It hurts ALL the time now.

I am trying to remain optimistic. It's hard. I go from not wanting to eat anything, to wanting to eat everything. Sigh. I know things will get better, but right now I'm not in a good place.
Thank you for reading.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ICECUB
    KAREN YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH TO LAST A LIFETIME. I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR FEELING LIKE CRYING. IT IS HARD LIVING WITH PAIN . I PRAY TOYCT COMES OUT NORMAL
    1012 days ago
  • ANNEBOO
    Ah my dear longtime SP friend, I’m sorry to hear you are feeling down.
    I know a few who had the surgery done on carpal tunnel syndrome and they came out great!
    If there’s anything I can do help you feel better please don’t hesitate reaching out😊
    1055 days ago
  • CHUBBYNOMORE3
    Karen,
    You are in my thoughts and prayers. Who is GREATER than OUR GOD? NO ONE! May His Grace be with you, for HE loves you! I pray that He will replace your sadness with pure joy and wipe all the tears from your eyes, my friend. You are stronger than you think! emoticon
    1076 days ago
  • SUNNY332
    Bless your heart, you have really been "through the fire" with your health.

    You have a great attitude which will help you carry on my sweet friend.

    I am with everyone else to get out and get some sunshine and enjoy this spring.

    Love you, Sunny

    emoticon Happy May Day!

    1082 days ago
  • WALLAHALLA
    emoticon
    1083 days ago
  • SUSMANNIE
    You really have been slammed. I'm so sorry for your difficulties. I've seen many people go through carpal tunnel surgery with great success. You came to the right place, we all care about you here.

    This too will pass! Wishing you relief from this new stress. emoticon
    1083 days ago
  • JANET552
    emoticon I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you find a way to sort this all out and can get back to your hobbies. I understand the depression. My C-spine surgery was successful but I still have neuropathy throughout my legs and feet. I can walk but it is not especially pleasant. All I want to do is walk my remaining dog. No doubt the last I have which also makes me sad. People say, get new hobbies but I will not tell you that. It is not helpful. You are at the point of thinking it is possible to improve and then questioning if that is true. Please be kind to yourself and let your feelings out. Follow doctor's orders but impress upon them that you want to get back to your life.
    1084 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/29/2018 2:08:56 PM
  • LPORTER2015
    You have the right to feel upset or sad, but know that there are people in a worse position than you are. Hang in there.
    1084 days ago
  • TWEDEE777
    Sending prayers and support to you. I know how hard it is to be in pain all the time. But what is the alternative? I'm not ready to give up yet. 🙏🙏
    1084 days ago
  • SEAGLASS1215
    Totally can relate to what you are dealing with, although my surgeries and ailments have differed somewhat. I think physical stress (pain, surgery, etc) plays with our emotions - even though we are grateful for not being paralyzed (I came close to that one, too) or glad that surgeries have relieved our discomfort, I think it takes a toll on our emotions in ways we cannot control. Subconsciously we might be feeling a little like "Why me? Life is unfair!" even though we don't realize it. I've had both hands done for for CTS (one at a time) and it was well worth it! The splints did not help as I took them off while I was asleep and would wake up with my entire arm feeling like a log on fire that I could not move. So the surgery definitely helped! Now, though, I have neuropathy in my left hand fingers and thumb from the chemo...not as bad as the carpal tunnel but I tend to drop things a lot...my crafting is limited as well in the sense that I can no longer sit for hours as I will develop severe neck pain (from having a fusion years ago). It's frustrating but it is what it is.
    1084 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    Have you tried any counselling services since your health problems? An impact like these have had is huge... You might need help talking about them, get your frustrations into words, talk out the negative things knowing someone is listening.
    1085 days ago
  • MARINGAL
    That word is suppose to be “fixating” below in my comment.
    1085 days ago
  • MARINGAL
    I believe if you try to deter yourself for fiating on things wrong with yourself... it obviously doesn’t make you feel any better. Change your thinking... wake up grateful that you can move, breathe, and obviously have a roof over your head.....
    1085 days ago
  • PATRICIAANN46
    Karen.............I am so sorry to hear this. I certainly do understand why depression can set in when you have undergone so many serious surgeries. I will pray for improvement of your hands and wrists and also that this is NOT a result of your cervical surgery. I will also pray for relief due to the compression brace, the chiropractic adjustments, and the acupuncture. Even though it is difficult to get through, you are strong and please know that there are many people here who want the best for you.

    emoticon
    1085 days ago
  • JULIEA7201
    I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down, but am glad that you can write about it and vent a little! That
    s what we are here for, the good, bad and ugly! I hope that helps as well as the good suggestions others have offered. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1085 days ago
  • 1FARMER
    I've had carpel tunnel surgery on one wrist many years ago. But mine was occupation related. So after the surgery the symptoms slowly returned because I returned to the same occupation.
    I hope your doctor/chiropractor can answer your questions. The info you need to make an informed decisions on what are your options. emoticon emoticon

    1085 days ago
  • IAMAGEMLOVER
    I love your button people.
    1085 days ago
  • IAMAGEMLOVER
    I can understand how you feel. I am depressed too. I don't want to get out of bed, sleep until noon, don't leave the house, and cry alot. I am sick of my knee and back hurting all the time and not having enough money to even pay all the bills. Life is just no fun right now. It will pass, it always does, just takes time. I do have chronic depression and I am on meds. My counselor wants me to get a dog so I have to take care of it, get up to take it out and such but I can't afford it. emoticon
    1085 days ago
  • JEANKNEE
    emoticon I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling your optimistic self. Given what you are dealing with ... understood.

    It sounds like LINWINAGAIN has experienced something similar and has some supportive suggestions. Although my challenges have been different, nutritional support has worked wonders for me too. Nutritional support is saving my eyesight and optic nerves. I so appreciate the support I've received from the Wellness Consultants and Nutritionist of Wellness Resources. They've become an instrumental part of my health care team.

    BIG HUGS and wishing you the best in maintaining your health and well-being.

    1085 days ago
  • CFODEL
    Oh my. I can't imagine having my primary hand have so many issues! At the same time, this is so worth fighting for. Hang in there, work your way through the medical stuff to get better, and know you've got people who are rooting you on to success!!
    1085 days ago
  • FITMARY
    Sounds like you've had more than your share of challenges. No wonder you have to remind yourself of the blessings too. Anyone would!
    Good for you for looking for the bright side. emoticon I constantly need the reminders. I was feeling down myself earlier today and found that going outside for a very short, pretty slow walk around the block helped A LOT. In fact, moving around is almost always better for me. Maybe it would help you a bit too?
    Stay strong!
    1085 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    OH my dear, I am so sorry, and I don't blame you. You have been thru a lot. It takes it's toll mentally and physically. Wishing you luck. Hugs my dear.
    1085 days ago
  • BEACHCOMBER16
    emoticon I think it is normal to feel depressed when you are in pain for a long time. Hope things get better.
    1085 days ago
  • ONEBLUEMOON
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I didn't know about those earlier trials you endured before your neck! And just when you were on the mend and getting out
    to do stuff again! I had the CT surgery on both wrists at once, ten years ago, and it inmediately fixed me up, after just a couple of weeks recovery and a bit of hand OT--- until I acquired a version of "Text Claw" this winter from constant tapping on my cell phone! Could the knee thing be arthritis?? I'll be thinking of you often and hope you get some answers and relief soon.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1085 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/28/2018 3:35:27 PM
  • THOMS1
    I think linwinagain has Given you some tips to follow. Try it, give them a chance and see how it works for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1085 days ago
  • EISSA7
    Geez...you have been through a lot and pain wears you down!! I hope you get answers for your tingling ...
    it is very frustrating when your body will not do what you want/need it to do! emoticon
    1085 days ago
  • LINWINAGAIN
    1st, BIG emoticon I hear you! 2nd, start taking V B6, 100 mg, at l-e-a-s-t once a day, along with a 100 mg B complex. B vitamins do wonders for nerve problems and depression (saffron helps the depression). 3rd, I have had both wrists done and it works like a charm when the B6 quits working. seriously, it was my first ever surgery and it was a breeze! Know the Universe loves you, it's okay to feel down, but it is just a feeling, it will go away, especially with a little Vit B6 support! emoticon
    1085 days ago
  • 1STBUCKETITEM
    Hang in there! If you can, go outside for a little bit and enjoy the signs of Spring. Chat with your neighbors!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1085 days ago
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