not this time
Monday, August 06, 2018
THIS is when I usually give up. It happens time and again, year after year: I have successfully stayed within my calorie range for the past month or so. Going into week 5 or 6. Lost 5 - 10 lbs, but you can't really see it yet. I can tell a little. In my baby steps of changing my lifestyle habits, I'm drinking at least 8 cups of water, and now I've developing the habit of regular fitness, and just moving more throughout the day. I'm feeling better. My skin looks better, I'm sleeping better. I go out to eat with family and friends, and order very, very carefully, and take a pass while they order dessert. I think "I've got this!" THIS time I can achieve my goals.
And then I step on the scale for a weekly weigh in and not only have I not lost anything, but gained 2 pounds. And it sounds something like this...
"Really? Why am I even trying. My own body is betraying me. Here we go again. I'm doomed and destined to be this way. Banging my head against a wall. How do other people lose 10 - 12 pounds in a month? I'm lucky to lose even 4 or 5. I passed on peanut butter pie for this? Why bother? I'm not a young lady anymore, who cares if I'm fat? No one. Most of my friends in my age range are grandparents. I'm not near that stage yet, but so what? Grannies were traditionally plump. Just give up and go bake cookies. What a terrible way to start the week. I hate everything."
But I've been here before. And this is where I usually quit.
I looked at my calorie differential over the past week and month, and I'm where I want to be. It's not perfect every day, but most. I'm drinking the water I need to drink. I'm eating more fruits and veggies. I'm moving more. I'm sleeping better. I AM making progress!!
So why am I letting a stupid little machine that could reflect nothing more than water retention or muscle gain, at one moment of one day, dictate how I feel and whether or not I continue?
THIS is the hard part.
Why is it so easy to sabotage oneself?
My success has to be measured by achieving my behavior goals. My success is eating healthfully, moving more, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep -
-independent, of what the scale says!
Achieving those goals are not just the steps to get somewhere, but the prize itself.
Those are the pieces that result in feeling good and being healthy.
I don't truly care what the number on the scale says. I care mostly about how I feel and secondly how my clothing fits. I have to not rely on outside markers to make me feel like I'm succeeding.
I'm not going to step on the scale again this week, nor get out the tape measure and seek validation from it, either. That waist measurement is the one I want to change the most, and I know, it's usually the last one to move. I just am going to commit to keep going. I'm going to continue to improve my nutrition and move more. At the end of the month, I know I won't be able to help myself and I'll get on the scale again. I have to be OK with whatever number it spits out and just keep trying. As long as I don't quit, I'm succeeding.