I can hardly get out of my own way...please don't you get in my way, too!

So...I'm feeling quite discouraged at the moment. First, I had a challenging evening last evening around my mother's health. So...there's that. Rather than do all of the self-destructive things that I wanted to do, I just went to bed. I had a 5:00 am appointment with a personal trainer this morning, and I figured that sleep was my best choice. (I was low on my macros, but that's better than being over...right??)

This morning, arrived at the gym at 4:58 am. Doors were not even open yet! Get upstairs to weight room. Feeling all empowered because I really am going to tell the trainer that I have a macros coach, my goal is to build muscle, and I need to leave there with a clear weight training plan. So...I told him.

And he all but rolled his eyes at me.

I'm serious.

It was clear that he completely disagreed with me, but he pretended like he was going to do it "my" way, even though he has "years of experience" and "a lot of success" doing it "his" way.

I then sat down with him to go through stuff. I told him that I appreciated his experience, but that I also have a lot of experience....mostly at failing his way. And...while I appreciate his point of view, I'm doing things differently, and I just need to listen to one voice right now. To which he responded with a lot of head nodding and not a single eye roll. (Pretty sure that last bit caused him some pain.)

in the end? HE DIDN'T TEACH ME anything! I spent an hour with the guy. He measured my posture, had me go up and down on a step bench for 3 minutes, asked lots of questions, had me do some planks and warm up, and then, with roughly 8 minutes left of my hour, took me to the middle of the weight room to tell me he was going to show me a combination move with some light weights.

I said..."but...I thought you were going to show me how to use the machines." He said "oh. the machines. right." He said it like our last two conversations never even took place. But he walked me over there. I said..."So, we've only got about 8 minutes left. I was really hoping to leave here with a clear leg day/arm and back day kind of routine so that I can start doing this on my own." He said "Oh. I don't work that way. I'm not going to just give you a routine to do."

WHAT?????

WHAT????

So here I am. $60 less in my pocket, no routine, no idea where to start, and even more intimidated because NOW, the only trainer at my gym when I can get there is this guy, who I'm convinced is only waiting for me to fail.

I genuinely do not know what my next steps should be, and I'm really very upset about all of it.

Any thoughts/advice would be most appreciated.