Saturday, March 07, 2020
Teenagers, I'm not sure what to think of mine. He's made me age about 100 year's. I feel it in my core, I should have the strongest, most sculpted core on earth. Yet here I am sweating away with the rest of you. One minute I'm needed the next I'm the most embarrassing "thing" to roam the planet. "God mom you talk to my girlfriend to much", since when is adult conversation amongst two adults to much?! Oh gesh!! Trying to talk to my son is like phoning in to the president, "Hello Mr. President may I have a word?!" I despise Apple for inventing Airpods or whatever there called they seriously cause selective hearing loss in prepubescent teenagers with significant other's that they can't seem to live without. "Yeh, uh hu sure mom I heard you" eye roll now the other ear hole is plugged and I'm in outer space talking to myself about absolutely nothing. Come Monday morning, "mom I need clean clothes" oh now I exist. The wonders of being a mom but I wouldn't trade it for the world because the ornery 16 year old was almost not born. You see, he's a rainbow baby. We miscarried 9 babies before him and 4 after him. With every little beating heart we heard come into our lives, we also heard them fade out. That moment I heard my son's heartbeat for the very first time I told my high risk doctor "this one is going to be with me for a very long time" and sure enough here we are 16 years and 7 month's later he was a little premature. He can be as ornery as he wants with me because at the start and the end of each and every single one of our day's I always hear, no matter how upset we can be with each other or how annoyed he is with me "love you mom". Love you mom, since day one I have always told my son from my inner most core from my soul that I loved him. I wanted him to feel what I never felt growing up a love beyond the heavens. A love that out reaches all boundaries. A love that extends to whomever he chooses as his spouse. A love he feels in his inner most soul. That moment I fell in love with a heartbeat that I helpt create with my heavenly Father's guidance. That moment.