The End of the Rollercoaster
Friday, April 10, 2020
*Trigger Warning*- Pregnancy Loss
Well, I wish I had better news, but after signs I was miscarrying, it was confirmed by my doctor this morning that our baby no longer had a heartbeat and stopped growing at 8 weeks.
While I'm obviously very sad, I think I'm actually doing better than most people would be in this situation simply because of all the information I already had. When I was in the hospital twice, I learned more about my pregnancy than I ever knew about Henry. I saw the HCG numbers lower than they should be and not rising like they were supposed to. I had prepared myself for the worst at my last appointment and was shocked to see the heartbeat.
But for some reason, I never truly felt like everything was okay.
And I know that most miscarriages occur due to chromosomal abnormalities that mean the baby wouldn't have been okay, so I know this was what was meant to happen. I'm still sad but I know I will be okay, and I know someday, if Henry is meant to have a sibling he will have one.
I now have to wait and decide whether or not to have surgery or not. Obviously, with COVID-19, going to the ER for a surgery is not at the top of my list of things to do, so hopefully nature just takes its course. I know the next few days and maybe weeks are going to be hard. But I also know I'm not alone, and that so many people experience this including many of my friends, my mother and mother-in-law, and aunts.
Thank you all so much for your support during this time. I truly appreciate all your prayers and positive thoughts.
I hope you all are staying healthy.