STEPH-KNEE
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Thursday, September 03, 2020

Today on the scale I saw the number 261. I started this year at 242, I got as low as about 232 right before the Rona started getting out of control LOL. It is definitely a good thing I lost those 10 pounds before I started my downhill spiral, or else I would be 1 pound away from my all time high weight. My highest weight ever was to 272 but when I started my journey and lost 90 pounds I started at 262 pounds in March 2012.

I get torn on how to think about things... Sometimes I think you just have to let the past go and not look back, but then I also know I learned a lot of valuable lessons in that time. I feel like it is proof that when I put my mind to it and become disciplined I can lose 90 pounds because I’ve done it before. But then sometimes the feelings associated with looking back just get you down and remind you of how well you did only to completely ruin it over the course of a couple years. No one likes to feel like a failure but in this case I was a success before I was a failure. So I go back and forth on everything. Luckily I don’t think the solution needs to be all or nothing. I need to learn to look back and pull out all the important things I’ve learned so I can do this dang thing again. I need to do that without getting down on myself for regaining all of this weight. It is a delicate balance and going to take some work but I hope I can do it!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BESSHAILE
    YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

    You are a human - with flaws and gifts, living a life in the world - with many more flaws and gifts than you will ever have.

    You have had many MANY successes. You finished school. You got a job. You've made friends. You've enjoyed concerts and theme parks and cared for your parents and your brother. You are a triumphant success. and you will triumph over the weight issue too.

    I know it.
    11 days ago
  • CRADLEY
    I'm with you - just got back from vacation and think I'm at my highest weight. It's time for me to make it happen - make good decisions and try to have more good days than bad. We can do this!!
    14 days ago
  • TRINASFITLIFE
    I am right there with you!! I'm SO glad too see you back and blogging! Really missed you!
    18 days ago
  • COOKIE_AT_51
    emoticon I am right there with you ... emoticon

    Glad you are back, I feel that being accountable to myself here really helps.
    Don't look back ... emoticon FORWARD!

    emoticon

    Hugs, Cookie
    28 days ago
  • KENDRACARROLL
    Square 1, Day 1.
    Don't dwell on the past, but use what you've learned in the past, and move forward.
    You've got this!
    emoticon
    41 days ago
  • DEBSZOO74
    Steph, you are so right...the solution doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can do this! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    43 days ago
  • DESERTDREAMERS
    I’m afraid to weigh myself. My clothes seem to fit me OK, but my belly is soft.
    45 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    45 days ago
  • HMBROWN1
    I think I am at my highest weight ever also. This working from home and going nowhere is not good for the diet! Sadly I suspect we will all be in lock down again soon - due to kids going to school and flu season, etc. I MUST do better this time! More home workouts, less Netflix. More healthy food, less Cheetohs!
    45 days ago
  • WHYTEBROWN
    I sooooooo understand exactly what you're saying. It's so hard to struggle through regain because even losing weight is not just yay I lost x pounds but also I can't believe I'm still x pounds away from where I once was. I've just been trying to use two mantras whenever those negative thoughts creep in 1. It's a slow process but quitting won't speed it up and 2. You didn't gain it over night, stop expecting to lose it overnight. As you said we've done this before and that just proves that we can do it again!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    46 days ago
  • BEATLETOT
    I am two pounds away from my highest weight!!! I have to do something. Do you want to exchange cell numbers and do daily check-ins with each other? It's okay if not. I'm not offended. =) Either way, I'll be able to keep up with you here on Sparks!
    46 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    I think you nailed it when you say, pull out what you need to from the past. Let the rest go. Move forward with the lessons from the past experiences. You can do it.

    HUGS to you and rooting for you.
    46 days ago
  • SUSIEMT
    Steph I know you can do it. I have faith in you. I been there done that myself. I just pray you don't wait as long as I did before I had my aha moment. (((HUGS)))
    emoticon
    46 days ago
  • JCMSMILE
    I know you can do it!! This year has been particularly rough...I've gained the "Freshman 10" and then some.
    We have come in our journey-I know we can make it to the other side emoticon
    46 days ago
  • SNOOPYLINKOS
    emoticon
    46 days ago
  • SHOAPIE
    This scenario may be more common than you think. You’re just brave enough to talk about it. Maintenance is very hard. I know this is a lifestyle change but it is hard to do it forever. My weight has yo-yoed for years. Just not able to continue the changes forever. Some foods just never stop calling. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    46 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    Just keep at it. You will be able to do it
    46 days ago
  • MISSUSRIVERRAT
    This has been a really challenging time for all of us. I believe in you and I believe you can move forward with courage and wisdom! Between the successes of your past and possibly some new ideas/techniques/methods that you can come up with you can make things happen !!!
    46 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    I was telling myself that nothing is working, but the only thing not working for me is me. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but if I had a magic wand I’d let you borrow it.
    46 days ago
  • PENOWOK
    That’s good thinking because what worked then might not be exactly the same now. Patience and grace are critical. And remember that it took time and a level of consistency, not perfection but progress.
    46 days ago
  • TOKIEMOON
    I have a problem with an all-or-nothing attitude. When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I stop being perfect, I start a free fall toward horrible.
    emoticon
    46 days ago
  • SCHECK5
    Keep pushing you got this...I make sure that I get my premium vitamins each day and that helps me tons!!

    If you want more info just message me emoticon
    47 days ago
  • GRANDMABEAST63
    Hi there I think 2020 for some of us has been difficult to say the least. Similar to you I started the year at a lower weight have not been able to lose the weight since March. This is my first day post after 29 days. We can do this !
    47 days ago
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