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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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9/13/15 8:24 P

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In August my HS class got together to celebrate that we all turned 60 this year. Had a great time. Couple more years and we all get together for our 45th class reunion.

I tell everyone that if it is meant to be that I should be with someone, well it will happen. Otherwise, I will just have to be content to be alone.

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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GREBJACK's Photo GREBJACK Posts: 8,510
9/13/15 12:57 P

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Reconnecting with classmates from high school sure worked for me - that's where I discovered the man I've now been dating for just shy of a year. But I totally understand the need to grieve on your own time. Many of my friends, with the best of intentions, looked for people to set me up with, and I just could not imagine wanting anyone but my husband in my life. I'm sure widowed and divorced feel different - at least I still get to hang out with my ex from time to time. I wish you both the best.

Rebecca

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
-Edwin Markham

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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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5/19/15 9:01 A

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Finfin, I am so sorry for your loss. I think you and I understand how hard it is when you lose that special someone. A spouse is not just the person you happen to be married to, but your best friend, your confidant, dinner partner, your future plans. As in my case, suddenly all that was gone and sometimes I just don't know what to make of myself. I am no longer a we, an us, and people who we did things with, well poof they have disappeared like magic, erased from my life. Grief is a hard task master and does not have a timeline where you can say ok November 15th that is the end of grief, I will look forward to that day. March 18th was 4 years for me and some days it seems like it was yesterday that he passed.

Here I go on and on. I will stop, I have worked hard to carve out what I hope will be the future I want with or without a significant other. Also with or without my kids as I do not wish to be a draining mom on them. I know I will get there if I keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone and part of that has been to reconnect with classmates of 40+ years ago.

Edited by: OHIOMOM at: 5/19/2015 (09:04)
Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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FINFIN2's Photo FINFIN2 Posts: 7,453
5/18/15 10:30 P

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I would like to have some female companionship... Someone to do things with... maybe. I'm not ready to make any kind of commitment, at all, but who knows. My wife died 3 years ago. I may just remain alone. Who knows?

“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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5/18/15 10:08 P

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Yes, guess you are right, I don't even know anyone my age. I have a very horrible lack of social life. Sad, very sad.


Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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GREBJACK's Photo GREBJACK Posts: 8,510
5/18/15 4:39 P

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Sounds like you're more interested in friends than a boyfriend. Nothin' wrong with that!

Rebecca

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
-Edwin Markham

www.fitbit.com/user/24NZF7
Eastern Daylight Time


 current weight: 157.2 
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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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5/17/15 12:23 P

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I am nearing the 4 1/2 years since my husband of 38 years died. Don't see me dating anyone anytime soon. First off I do not know anyone who I would consider as dating material, not even at church. The guys I work with are all either much younger and or married so that never would happen any way. All that said, I am still in love with my husband who could measure up to that? Then even if I put that aside, I worry what if they want what I can not give, talking sex here? Nope do not see myself being intimate with anyone, even after 3 dates, 4, 5 or even 6 dates. Would I like to have a man around my age to talk to, take me out to dinner or just walk in the local park with? Oh yes, the companionship would be great, but sex, out of the question. So for me, alone seems to be the safe thing to do. I guess any guy who would be interested in me would have to have a great deal of patience or a very low libido. lol

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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GREBJACK's Photo GREBJACK Posts: 8,510
5/17/15 10:04 A

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I'm feeling really sympathetic to those who are trying to figure out if they're not yet ready or if they're long overdue to start meeting new people. I, for one, needed more than 5 years after my husband left before I was ready to think about any man but him. But I'm not wired for solitude, so even during that time I had to find ways to meet new friends that I could hang out with. I leaned heavily on a DivorceCare group and an online discussion forum called DivorceBusting. I also made a point of just getting out of the house attending MeetUps and events that entertained me - so I dress up like a Medieval peasant woman and hang out at SCA events, and I take dance and ice hockey classes, and I go political rallies and my town's local TED-like speaker series. And I've joined a few teams on SparkPeople where I've met kindred spirits and formed years-long online friendships, in addition to having found advice and encouragement that have helped me get to my goal weight and continue getting healthier.

As for meeting single MEN, I was really convinced I'd never even want to again, and then fell for a co-worker. When that relationship ended, I went to a speed dating event (they're set up by age, so all the guys there were my age plus or minus ten years) and tried online dating. I guess it's true that you need a thick skin to deal with the people who don't write back, but I never put much emotional energy into my first message to a guy, so if I wrote to three guys one day and only one wrote me back, all that really stuck with me was the one who wrote back. I found it kinda fun and really rather good for my ego to find so many men so easily who were willing to at least go out and see if there was a connection. What I couldn't get my head around with online dating (well, really with dating, I think) was that my romantic relationships have always grown out of established friendships, and it takes me a while to know someone that well. Guys were interested by date three in sex (no big shock there) but also in committing not to date other people, when I was still thinking I don't know your middle name, haven't met any of your friends, have no clue how you cope when you have a rotten day... I just couldn't move that fast, so I took myself off online dating. But it was a worthwhile experience to have - now I know that about myself.

Rebecca

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
-Edwin Markham

www.fitbit.com/user/24NZF7
Eastern Daylight Time


 current weight: 157.2 
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