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CROUCHINGFLEA's Photo CROUCHINGFLEA SparkPoints: (122,904)
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3/28/20 5:48 A

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~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 24,569
3/19/20 9:47 A

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Karri, thank you very much for your response and understanding. Yes, she is seeing a therapist, but not as often as she used to since she went back to work. She had a nervous breakdown almost 4 years ago (not long after college graduation) and could not work for 3 years. I will encourage her to see her therapist as often as possible going forward because it really has been helpful to her in so many ways.

Thanks again. emoticon

Miller
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.


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3/19/20 6:24 A

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Miller, I am so sorry to hear that about your DD. It is hard on both them and us. I hope she gains the experience she needs, though it may be a difficult road, she'll get there. Is she seeing a therapist? The therapist may be able to help her distinguish between what to share and what not to share.



~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 24,569
3/18/20 8:25 P

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Feeling tearful and very anxious this evening and had to take a tranquilizer. My daughter made a mistake at work for which she feels very bad. It had nothing to do with the job itself, but with sharing information that shouldn't have been shared. I feel so bad that she simply doesn't have the life experience to know, in some instances, what is the right thing to do. She has been so beleaguered her whole life with terrible depression and severe OCD, and GAD, and social anxiety, among other things, that she has spent her life in school and in her room. She hasn't lived and doesn't know things she should know. I wish I knew how to fill in all the gaps she has socially and in other ways. She's very book-smart, but not socially intelligent. It breaks my heart and causes us both so much stress.



Edited by: MILLER-S at: 3/18/2020 (21:07)
Miller
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 24,569
3/17/20 12:03 A

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Thanks very much, Cynthia!! emoticon emoticon

Miller
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 40,807
3/16/20 11:54 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon to both of you, Miller and Karri

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 24,569
3/15/20 7:46 P

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Thanks, Karri. I couldn't believe they met, either. I think your church elders made a very wise decision. (I'm sorry that church behind your house woke you up!) The plan at our church was to have 100 people in the sanctuary and then have others in the Fellowship Hall watching the service remotely. It turned out that only 50 people showed up this morning, so they decided not to have church services tonight or next week. Hopefully, they will cancel all services for as long as it takes to help halt the spread of COVID19. We live in North Carolina, so we are close to GA.

I hope your husband and mine both stay safe, as well as you and me. With underlying conditions like heart disease and diabetes, it's even more risky, as you know. I'm with you - I wash my hands as soon as I get home. I also have antibacterial wipes in the car, but we will soon run out of them. That's another stressful thing - all our stores are out of antibacterial wipes, gels, bar soaps, and toilet paper. People here are getting really panicky about toilet paper. If everyone had just bought what they needed for a week or two (which is what we did), there wouldn't be a shortage, but now there is because people are hoarding. My husband went to a big warehouse store on Saturday morning to get toilet tissue, but it was all gone - he ended up buying paper table napkins.

I've been remembering things my Mother told me about living through the Great Depression and just getting through life in general, as she grew up on a farm and they were poor. It made me feel better to remember that people have a way of making do with whatever they have. I'm sure we will all get through this.

Hugs to you, as well. emoticon

Miller emoticon

Miller
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.


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3/15/20 7:17 P

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Miller, I can't believe your church met! Our elders got together, and we are just over 100 people, mostly young, but they decided to do as our Governor said (are you in GA? Same thing, probably a CDC thing) and cancel church for the foreseeable future. I would be scared stiff if DH went, he's only 40 but has undiagnosed diabetes and heart disease (we know from the one holter monitor test and one time he went to the doctor... he's not been back and I'm praying he goes, after this has calmed down some... I'm also praying he doesn't catch this!!) The church behind our house met, DH was wakened by their loud thumpy music, and I was woken from trying to calm my headache by the same at noon. Honestly, I can't believe they met!

My DH loves to go too, but any person could be having the sniffles and have it but not be bothered by it while they give it to someone else and they... don't do as great. emoticon These are scary times and I know my anxiety is sky high any time I have to go out and the guest bath is the first place I go to wash my hands when I get home!!

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 24,569
3/15/20 11:43 A

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I'm upset because my husband insisted on going to church this morning even though our Governor declared a State of Emergency and issued a Mandatory Executive Order that there can be no meetings or assemblies of over 100 people. Hundreds of churches in our state cancelled their services, but our church didn't, and he is in the choir and in the praise band and is head of the audio-visual committee. He loves to go, and also feels he needs to be there to make sure things run smoothly, but he is almost 68, has heart disease and diabetes - which puts him in the high-risk category for Coronvirus.

It's stressing me out. Thanks for letting me vent.

Miller
"Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life."

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." ~unknown

"Let me not miss all that I am by punishing myself for what I am not." - unknown

"The rest of your life is being shaped right now by the dreams you have, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be."~unknown

"Growth is becoming comfortable with discomfort." - John Dowd, Jr.


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 40,807
2/15/20 11:57 A

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Party~ Sorry that happened. Very frustrating indeed. Hope they get their act together.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/13/20 7:49 P

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How frustrating! I hope the doctor is worth the frustrations of the admin staff!! So sorry you had to go through that!

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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PATTYMCGRAW's Photo PATTYMCGRAW Posts: 154,102
2/13/20 5:30 P

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I had an appointment today with a urogynocologist for a test. The people working there always seem to be a little air-headed. I got a call about an hour before the appointment asking if I could come 45 minutes later because there was an issue with the equipment. Then they called back about a half hour later saying the equipment was fixed and to come at my usual time. I made it there - an new office - to see a bunch of shops being worked on. I called to ask exactly where they were. Of course, I had to leave a message. Someone called back only to tell me that my appointment was rescheduled.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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2/4/20 3:06 A

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I learned from a pharma guy (creates new meds and such) that melatonin is what keeps you asleep and it is best when taken about an hour before bed and you do a before bed routine to help slow you down for bed. No electronics, unless it is a Kindle and you ar reading, that kind of thing. It has helped me to not have nightmares and such during the times that I sleep before 1 AM. I'm still waking at 1 AM though. I wasn't for a while, I thought it was working, but I'm back to waking up at odd hours of the morning.

My dad is deceased now too, as of April Fools Day of last year. I didn't know ho to handle that at all. I'll never get answers to questions, but then again, so I really want those questions answered? I don't think so. It would be too difficult on me to have talked to him. It would have hurt me more than helped me, so that was why I didn't do it.

I hope the next day was better for you too. It is hard to be around those toxic people. One thing my therapist told me to do was to spend at least 5 minutes a day doing something for me. Didn't matter if it was coloring, meditating (headspace is a great free app for that, I don't remember who told me about it...) or just taking deep breathes, take some time just for you.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 40,807
2/4/20 12:32 A

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Karri~ I'm sorry you had to go through that with your dad. My father is deceased. He passed when I was 4. He was very abusive to my mom, my brother and half sisters and their.mom. What memory I have of him is not pleasant. Anyway, I hope that your mind stops racing so that you can get plenty of sleep. My mind races and night. I take Melatonin which helps most nights but not always.

I'm doing okay, but today I've been grumpy. I had to empty out my big closet that's just packed to the gills with stuff so that the sprinkler heads in my apartment could be charged. They have sprinklers in all 3 of my closets. One of the other closets had to be partially emptied too. Oh my word, my apartment looked a wreck. It still does to some extent. My friend who is toxic boy helped but also spent way to much time here. I feel so stressed out. I hope tomorrow is better.


Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1/31/20 4:34 A

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Cynthia, thank you so much. She sings a pretty pitiful song, she is very good at the "oh woe-is-me" and makes me feel so sorry for her. DH says she is very good at manipulating me and is just as bad as my brother. I'd never thought of her in that light and that scares me. I do not need another manipulator in my life!!

I hope you are doing okay? I'm here, the whole team is, if you need us.

I found myself awake yesterday at 0100 and though my body was extremely tired, my mind was racing and could not sleep. I think it was after effects of dealing with Boundary Lady. My mind used to do this for days after my father would visit, he was a narcissistic sociopath, and it would sometimes take me a whole week to recuperate from just a two day visit. That may be a little TMI, but dealing with people like that can drain the life out of you.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 40,807
1/30/20 3:06 P

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Oh Karri, so sorry you had to deal with her. Whether you realize it or not you did do well on standing your ground on some things. I hope your therapist can help you find ways to tell this lady no. You certainly have been trying. It's hard saying no when people try to push you into a corner.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1/30/20 2:53 A

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Boundary Lady, as someone called her, invited herself over lat week and yesterday. Last week was really hard because I made the mistake of telling her i would be home all day, so she just came by.Stayed until the kids came home and kids were giving me glares while saying hello to her. Then she goes to the bathroom, but apparently too late because she had to change her depends. There is a garbage in my guest bathroom. She walks with it in her hand into my KITCHEN to ask for a grocery bag to put it in. The smell covers everything. I told her to just put it in the garbage in the guest bathroom and we would take it out and change the bag and to please get it out of my kitchen!!

The entire visit was me trying to redirect her from subject I didn't want to hear about or gossip about. I don't gossip. Period. So I'd interrupt her with random things. But then, after telling her I don't watch the news because I can't handle all of the horror stories, she proceeds tor try to tell me one about a toddler. I am speaking over her telling her to shut up, to stop, that I don't want to hear it, and finally, the 5th time, I held out my hands in front of me in a stopping motion and half yelled 'STOP'. She finally got the point.

If I've posted this somewhere else where you've seen it, sorry for the duplicate post.

Then she calls me Monday and asks me to take her to a procedure she needs done. She doesn't know what time and won't know till the day before. No. I'm a Stay At Home Mom, and I need to be here for when my kids get home. If you can't guarantee a time, I can't help you. And it is super close to my DD11's birthday.So she proceeded to invite herself over for lunch the next day (yesterday) to eat my food. I told her I was going to the state VA to get a form, and I did. So when she called I was just getting out of the VA in the town she lives in and she was in the town I live in. So she wanted to meet to go out to eat. I told her it was too expensive and we could not afford it right now (saving for DD11's birthday) and , again, I need to be home for my kids when they come home. She got in a huff, but I stood my ground. Then I got an idea. DH had come home sick. DD13 was home two days sick and is still rather sick, but stubbornly going to school. So I told her I didn't want her to catch the bug, whatever it is, and we'd have to wait till everyone was healthy again. She relented and agreed. Whew!

I see my therapist on Monday and I will get her to help me on saying no to this woman.

Edited by: CROUCHINGFLEA at: 1/30/2020 (02:55)
~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 40,807
1/26/20 11:59 A

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Karri~ You handled things well. emoticon

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1/22/20 5:07 A

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Yay, Cynthia!!! Happy to hear you had such a good time.

The person I'm having boundary issues with sent thank you notes, so I sent her a text, just thanking her (she sent one to each kid, which was nice), and that was it. She sent back a complaining, you haven't called me in a month, I don't know how you or the girls are doing, blah, blah, blah. So I sent back that I had called her the last several times and so I had decided that when she was ready to talk to me, she could call me any time. And as I told my therapist, I will answer and talk to her, even if I have to make a quick excuse to get off the phone with her if she starts getting rude again. I laughed and told my therapist that I would stick my foot in the air and say that something had come up and I needed to go. LOL. Just kidding, but I do have my boundary words ready and if that doesn't work I will simply say that I need to get off the phone. If she calls. She might be mad at my text message. But the way I see it, it is not my job or obligation to call her, and the phone works both ways. It was nice to have that validated by my therapist.

I'm just tired of her games. I almost called her. I get worried about her, as she has depression, and sometimes no one checks on her, but I have to remind my self that it is not my job to do so.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 40,807
1/21/20 12:16 P

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emoticon right back at ya! emoticon

I'm feeling better. Yesterday I enjoyed the afternoon with my Celebrate Recovery sponsor. We went to Panera bread for coffee and dessert so we could chat for awhile before going to the church for the CR meeting. I found a lot of support and the lesson was very good. I spent very little time with the person I am having trouble having boundaries with. That made for a great day!

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1/20/20 9:20 P

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1/20/20 7:42 P

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~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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1/19/20 11:13 A

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emoticon Karri for your prayers and support. I appreciate it. I'll look into the book. Thanks for the recommendation.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1/18/20 6:10 P

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Try reading the book Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

It's on Kindle Unlimited right now. I'm sorry you are going through this.Praying for you.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 40,807
1/18/20 1:28 P

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Arggggh!!!! emoticon I'm tired of feeling anxious and depressed. I'm tired of trying to keep good boundaries only to have them ran over. I try and after a bit I just feel wiped out. I feel
Like giving up. All I am doing is growing bitter and resentful. The last 2 days I just cried a lot. Today I feel blah and have no desire to do anything. I 'm tired.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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9/24/19 7:39 P

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Cynthia, thank you, and praying for your car!!

Migraines aren't letting up. It's been feeling mostly better, if not completely, in the mornings, then gets worse throughout the day. Don't know if it is different' migraines or one big long one!!! So frustrating that in order to see a good neurologist you have to wait so long! I'm actually super lucky to have gotten into the clinic I got into, it's in early December. Places closer to us were out to April of next year!!!

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 40,807
9/24/19 6:58 P

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Karri ~ Hope you're doing okay. I saw on our other team that you needed a good bit of emoticon this morning. Maybe in a couple days the groggy side effect will let up.

Today my car wouldn't start and made noise when trying to. I ended up having to cancel my therapy appointment for tomorrow, which really stinks. I've been quite depressed. Anyway, my friend found a loose wire under the hood and fixed it. It's been running fine since. I hope that will do the trick because I have no $$ to pay for any more repairs. I just shelled out $275 about a month ago on a repair. Please pray it's fixed.

I was able to reschedule my therapy appointment for Friday. I'm glad she had some open spots. A lot of weeks she is booked solid.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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9/19/19 8:59 P

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Cynthia, I hope that this does help to ease the anxiety. Night time used to be the same for me to, till I started doing a 'brain dump', you basically write on a note pad (or type on a doc you create in whatever format you like best) ALL of what's on your mind. Worries and if you can do something, what is it; chores, to do list, errands, any and everything that is on your mind. Even if it is just a repetitive thought you are having, something or someone that bugged you, get it out on that paper (or computer). I find that some night, a Word document does best. Most nights a composition notebook is my buddy in my comfy chair in my room with a cup of hot tea. Then the next day I use that as a way to find and write my to do list, all those chores or errands I was afraid I would forget, that card I was worried I wouldn't remember to send, all of that goes on my list and I rate it by what's most important to me (I use a specific company for daily to do lists, that makes it easier on my anxiety) to what can wait.

The hot herbal tea (usually mint with just a touch of honey for me) helps me a lot too.

My vent is that my psychiatrist did not take me off of the med that is making me so dang groggy! He wants me to stay on it and get more sleep, and while I agree I need more sleep, I don't need more time lost to grogginess and naps. My next appointment is in two weeks. But I can always message him if it becomes too much. I'm just tired of being tired. I am going to start sticking more to my nightly routine, print it out and stick it in my composition notebook in the front. I have an alarm that goes off for my kids to start their night time routine, so I should probably do the same for me.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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9/19/19 6:16 P

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Things didn't turn out the way I had hoped, but part of the mess I created myself by acting out of fear. I can't get into the details. Just disappointed with the outcome. Did a great deal of crying over the matter this morning. Thankfully I decided to spend this afternoon with my friend.

Tonight hopefully my mind won't start to obsess on the matter. Nighttime tends to be my worst time of day anxiety and depression wise. I laugh because a lot of people tell me to go to bed much earlier, but it's not that simple. I can't go to bed too early or I'll wake up at 3 in the morning. And usually I have trouble falling asleep.

I'm in a relatively good mood at the moment, but I want to express my disappointment in hopes that by acknowledging it, maybe I can let it go.

Cynthia

South Carolina The Palmetto State
Eastern Time


Proverbs 3;5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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8/23/19 5:17 P

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Sparkles, I'm glad you joined. I quit for a while, but after seeing your post decided to come back. It like teams that actually talk and communicate. I'm so sorry you are having so much stress, that is hard on the anxiety. I'm an introvert too, could you possibly have social anxiety? People are a nope. And right now it is worse for me as I can't go anywhere without a driver (usually church and appointments one day a week) because I started having seizures and the neurologist medically put in that I can't drive. For me, it is usually all in my head, but it feels so real. But, people can be awful, so you never know.

So sorry to hear of your financial problems, I'm on disability, my anxiety, PTSD, and other chronic illnesses make it where I can't work. I tried. I started out working for a church I went to, but even that was too much for me. But disability is not much to live on. If it was not for DH's job, we would be up a creek without a paddle.

Happy 60th!! I'll be turning 40 this next year and am going to try to be in my best shape possible by then.

I understand wanting to go home and hide and be left alone. When I was working the last few years, I had a really hard time. I came close to a nervous breakdown several times. Remember to take care of you. You are important. I'll write more later, we are off to our first Bible Study with a new group and I'm so anxious!!

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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8/23/19 4:49 P

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So heck of a day for me - heck of a week. Behind on rest and lots of stress. Very bad for anxiety. Stuck on this job, seeing distaste for me in everyone's words & actions - hoping it's imagined, but still feel like I should just quit and walk out. I'm an introvert, so for the most part I like being left alone, but there comes a point where you wished you fitted in "someplace." Not sure that's anxiety or depression. Probably both. Next week I'm couped up in a training room with them, instead of at my desk - and HAVE to interact with them. I've worked here seasonally since 2013 - I can do this - but I'm actually at this point and time, more comfortable talking to the customers than to my co-workers. We've got to do all these mock-phone calls between each other & already feeling judged here every time I stupidly open my mouth. Desperately trying to think of a way out of the upcoming weeks - look around at other jobs & either I don't qualify or they would be more stressful than this even.

I'll be hitting a milestone birthday this November - 60!! holy crap how did THAT happen. Running out of options before retirement age. Hope my husband hangs in there - seems in good health. He is trying to get yet another business up and running, which means he's spending up his inheritance & not actually realizing anything like a profit. Which leaves almost all the bills coming out of my checks. Heaven forbid I need to come home for sanity's sake. Most people have to WORK regardless of how they feel. I don't know where I get off thinking I could do otherwise. I didn't hold a job for 22 years when the kids were growing up. Last one graduated high school - I buried each of my parents - went back to school for a year (no degree unfortunately) and found this job. I just want to go home & hide & be left alone.

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8/23/19 4:37 P

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Karri - wasn't sure I was going to join the team until I saw your last post,and I wanted to respond. I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your husband and finances! I haven't that that Exact thing, but close enough. Two bankruptcies - the last one VERY bad. Anyway - I won't go into my saga - it's much too long. Just wanted you to know I heard you. Hope you can find some relief soon.

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7/25/19 8:35 A

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okay, I'm feeling a little... out of place here. If all anyone is going to do is put emoticon on everything and not actually respond or talk, just let me know and I will leave the group. I'm feeling totally like I'm just talking to myself on here.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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7/23/19 6:41 A

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I'm so frustrated! We are behind financially, won't go into why, we just are. DH said yesterday that he didn't care about getting the kids the school supplies on the supply list that they need!!!! I will NOT have my kids put on the spot and embarrassed because they don't have the things they need for school!! I had an email offer from my bank for a credit card and have been thinking it over, so last night I got up and applied for it - and got it and a much larger limit than I thought I would get. So as soon as it comes in next week , I'm having Aunt G take us school shopping for anything we weren't able to get before. I will not have my kids go through what I went through!! And right now, DH won't even have a decent conversation with me about finances. He just gets mad and shuts me out. So, I got the credit card. He knows nothing of it, and I hate that, but if he won't talk to me, and puts his foot down that what he wants is what we are doing and that is final, then he leaves me no choice but to do what I must for the kids. That is how I feel, like he has backed me into a corner.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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7/20/19 7:22 P

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I despise my brother more than I thought possible! He emailed me to inform me that he SO appreciated all the help I've given over the last few years as Pop declined in health (I don't speak or have any contact with any of them because of a history of abuse and they are toxic people). He's sending legal documents for me to sign for money they want to get from something called DOL because of Pop's health issues. I've not yet replied, I'm sure it is already in the mail, but I'm not signing anything till the family lawyer here looks at it. And even then, I don't know that I'll help them. They made my life a living hell for so long, why should I care if they collect money when they already have plenty? His emails have brought on more anxiety and nightly nightmares, worsening each night. I barely slept last night, but was sucked back under to more nightmares every time I woke before I could get out of bed to clear my head. I managed a nap without nightmares, but it was short.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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7/18/19 4:07 A

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Did not realize that DH spent so much money the last few days of our vacation that we are barely going to make it till next payday. I HATE not having money stashed in stavings, or something, and going this close to the wire makes my anxiety bad. I've been bad off before, and the thought of even getting close to that makes my anxiety skyrocket. Does not help that I'm super sick right now (thought feeling a little better this morning) and there is nothing I can do.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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7/15/19 8:11 P

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Sounds like a good time was had by all. Summer tourist spots can be overcrowded. Its nice to get away and enjoy some space. You did what you could do to make it work. Another chapter in a family vacation.

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7/15/19 5:54 A

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We got home yesterday, going to get the dogs first thing this morning, I'm so happy about that, I miss my pups!! The vacation wasn't all bad, but I'm so exhausted from it. We got dragged out to all kinds of tourist trap things, even went to Gatlinburg one day, I ended up taking my anxiety meds and trying to find a place to sit down, every time I did though, DH would get me up and moving back into the crowd, I tried telling him I was about to have a bad anxiety attack and I needed time to breath, but he would not liste, till his feet started hurting, then we sat down. I was so frustrated, and I really didn't get to enjoy most of it, the sheer amount of rude people, yelling, shoving and having no sense of personal space... I feel anxious just thinking about it!

I'm so glad to be home!! I barely slept the last night, I was up for two or three hours in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, and then DH basically pushed me out of bed (it was a small bed for two people!), he had pushed all this covers off and they were between us, so I guess with that and then me crawling back into bed he didn't have enough room? I don't know, I just know he kept pushing at me, so I finally just got up. And about the time I decided to try to sleep on the couch in the sitting area, BIL got up to start breakfast from scratch, and was so loud, banging pots and such, I think he was trying to wake the whole house! But I did have some good times, and I enjoyed the time we spent at the cabin, for the most part. And my girls had a great time, and that is what matters most to me.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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7/14/19 9:19 P

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7/10/19 7:30 P

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Thanks George, I'm trying. The first two days were the hardest, I didn't know the trip up here they had planned on stopping and hiking at several places, and I had worn chunky heel sandals, so I could take my shoes off and only put them on when we got out at rest stops. So, we had to dig my shoes out of the overly stuffed trunk at a waterfall we simply had to go see.

And I have literally no idea how many seizures I had that first day when we went to the place that had all the flashing and strobing lights. I had at least one the next day. I am still feeling weak from it. It had a seizure warning sign... after you entered and were stuck inside. I stood there debating what to do, but everyone had left me there, so in I went. Worst decision.

But, I'm hoping for a peaceful rest of the day (if they would turn down the music, not likely to happen, I have a very sensitive head since my migraines started back and get headaches so easily. I want them to be able to enjoy their vacation, but I think the neighbors down the mountain can hear it!)

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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7/10/19 7:00 P

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What a vacation. Its tough to go with family sometime. Hard to keep everyone happy.
Looking back, some family trips when I was much younger were tough. But we didn't know better.
Try to grin and bear it.

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7/10/19 4:13 P

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DEIRDRE, any word yet? Or do you know how long till the results will be?

I'm so frustrated!! DH would not buy me a few simple treats today at a candy store, and it really felt like he was treating me like a child. He put all the money into his account, which I don't have a card for. I am going to be working my way toward going fully Paleo once we get home from vacation, so I don't see that a few splurges here and there would hurt. Besides, it was a caramel apple that didn't have peanuts on it, you know how hard those are to find? Peanuts tear my stomach up nowadays.

And MIL is doing exactly what I was afraid of, dragging us from one tourist trap to another. She is so enraptured with this tourist trap town and I'm just not. I'm from TN. I've been to places like every tourist trap we have been to, only the real deal, out in the hills and hollows of TN. The only thing they have been to that I could not find in the small towns around where I grew up is the roller coasters. I tried to stay in the car at the huge 'knife' store (an excuse to have a giant store full of everything that tourists love), but DH sourly said, 'you could at least come in.' But why? I wasn't going to buy anything, I wasn't interested in anything... he just didn't want his mom complaining.

DH is grouchy, I'm grouchy... I'm an anxious mess because of the sheer amount of people in the places they drag us, the horrible traffic, and DH's awful mood. DH had said we would be leaving early, around Friday. Now, he's given in to MIL and we are staying till Sunday. We are used to sleeping on a king size bed. We were promised a queen size bed. It is a full size bed, and a small one at that.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to complain so much, this week has just been such a let down for me.

~ Karri
"I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real." - Shaun Hick
"Fear doesn't have to control you. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay not to try" - Ruth Soukup


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