ok so i am not gonna lie,T.O.M is right around the corner,im in a good mood..then i go from happy-to-pi**ed in 0 seconds flat..
my mom,and myself have been wanting to go tanning.i have tried to just lay out,i just burn.then blister.so as a reward to ourselves we went today,so did 2 of my other sister's.
anyways.i get home,and my dh calls me .he seems down,then he tells me straight out he doesnt want me to tan.i ask him y,he says i just dont..ok..i say is it about money?
he says,"u r making a hundred different changes all at once,im not home so who r u doin it for?"i said,"you,im doin it for you..be serious,when we r out together,and u see a cute woman whose tan,and thin.dont u find her attractive ?"
his reply is,"if i wanted a thin/tan girl i would have married one,u r beautiful u dont need to change."
so anyways long story short.i dont know how i can make him feel better.he really sounded hurt.i hate that.i know women want their hubby's to say those things.but i reaallllly wanna tan.i just dont want him to feel this way.it
ok this evening my friend calls,we will call her "Jane".
she says what u went tanning? i said ya.then she says..wow get ready for this..she says,"women who lose weight,and tan only do it for a guy,so who r u doing it for?"i said,"i am doing it for a guy..my husband." if i could have reached through my phone to smack her i would have.thats not all.
Jane says,"u wont look good with a tan,u r a natural redhead.u have a lot of freckles.so once u get tanned ur freckles will be huge,and kinda link together,so u will look like one big freckle."shes like i dont know y u r doing this.y all of a sudden u want to lose all of this weight.its not u.
heres what i wanted to say..u have seen everything i have went though b/c of my health,all my surgeries..losing this weight will help me in so many ways.but i just couldnt step up.
to be honest she hurt me.i have never been able to say certain things to her.
she use to be my best friend for 11 years, we have grown apart,b/c she wanted me to put her ahead of my husband.y couldnt she just say,i am so proud of u.u r doing a great job! thats all i want her to say.
shes tall blond,blue eyes,thin..well shes gained a little weight.im not gonna lie,after the way she talked to me im glad she gained some weight.
i am not gonna be her FAT FRIEND anymore! i want/need to feel batter about myself.i dont care what anyone says.i have spent my entire life hearing people whisper things about me behind my back.all the stares. the looks..and me just ....just hating myself.i cant do it anymore.
i just want to feel better..AEROSMITH sings that song.i love it.it helps sometimes.then there r times when even my loud stereo cant drown out the noise.
maybe i am just emotional,and i took what she said the wrong way.
i am sorry i babbled on .thank u for listening..just needed to vent a little,ok so maybe a lot.lots of luv to my spark family..god bless all of u..christina