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~if i could of reached through the phone i would have smacked her~

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

ok so i am not gonna lie,T.O.M is right around the corner,im in a good mood..then i go from happy-to-pi**ed in 0 seconds flat..

my mom,and myself have been wanting to go tanning.i have tried to just lay out,i just burn.then blister.so as a reward to ourselves we went today,so did 2 of my other sister's.
anyways.i get home,and my dh calls me .he seems down,then he tells me straight out he doesnt want me to tan.i ask him y,he says i just dont..ok..i say is it about money?
he says,"u r making a hundred different changes all at once,im not home so who r u doin it for?"i said,"you,im doin it for you..be serious,when we r out together,and u see a cute woman whose tan,and thin.dont u find her attractive ?"
his reply is,"if i wanted a thin/tan girl i would have married one,u r beautiful u dont need to change."
so anyways long story short.i dont know how i can make him feel better.he really sounded hurt.i hate that.i know women want their hubby's to say those things.but i reaallllly wanna tan.i just dont want him to feel this way.it emoticonmy heart.

ok this evening my friend calls,we will call her "Jane".
she says what u went tanning? i said ya.then she says..wow get ready for this..she says,"women who lose weight,and tan only do it for a guy,so who r u doing it for?"i said,"i am doing it for a guy..my husband." if i could have reached through my phone to smack her i would have.thats not all.
Jane says,"u wont look good with a tan,u r a natural redhead.u have a lot of freckles.so once u get tanned ur freckles will be huge,and kinda link together,so u will look like one big freckle."shes like i dont know y u r doing this.y all of a sudden u want to lose all of this weight.its not u.
heres what i wanted to say..u have seen everything i have went though b/c of my health,all my surgeries..losing this weight will help me in so many ways.but i just couldnt step up.
to be honest she hurt me.i have never been able to say certain things to her. emoticon
she use to be my best friend for 11 years, we have grown apart,b/c she wanted me to put her ahead of my husband.y couldnt she just say,i am so proud of u.u r doing a great job! thats all i want her to say.
shes tall blond,blue eyes,thin..well shes gained a little weight.im not gonna lie,after the way she talked to me im glad she gained some weight.
i am not gonna be her FAT FRIEND anymore! i want/need to feel batter about myself.i dont care what anyone says.i have spent my entire life hearing people whisper things about me behind my back.all the stares. the looks..and me just ....just hating myself.i cant do it anymore.
i just want to feel better..AEROSMITH sings that song.i love it.it helps sometimes.then there r times when even my loud stereo cant drown out the noise.
maybe i am just emotional,and i took what she said the wrong way.
i am sorry i babbled on .thank u for listening..just needed to vent a little,ok so maybe a lot.lots of luv to my spark family..god bless all of u..christina emoticon
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  • no profile photo CD2244005
    Christina, as I read all the comments I found myself nodding my head up and down, saying "Oh, really good advice" "Been there, done that" "Men can be so dense" (I say that a lot! :) ) and I think it's all been said! Hubby is feeling insecure, and if he's been with you through the surgeries he should understand why getting healthier is so important to you. "Jane" is also feeling insecure - she's no longer the one everyone looks at - cause Christina is moving it and losing it and lookin' finer every day!


    4379 days ago
  • KV711LAW
    Christina! WOW Girl! Are you feeling the love or what?

    Really good advice here. Most of us can commensurate and have been in the same place as you. People are comfortable with the way things are and most do not like to see you change- even if it is for the better. It does not make them "bad people" just everyone has their own issues to deal with. Just focus on YOU. Let the others figure it out. This is going to be who you are and you are doing it no matter what.

    Keep in mind that these relationships are important too. You do not want to be some skinny PMS woman with no friends! LOL. When we start to get momentum and see the changes, we tend to get focused and block most other things out. What I am saying, make sure you find your "balance". Know that the "well meaning" will try and get the Old Christina back. Just try and block the voices out (loud music does help) and not get into a verbal war with them. You will never win because their arguments make no sense. Someone once told me never to argue with an idiot (not implying that is anyone you know). They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience!

    Stay focused on your goal- but keep some it to yourself. Have some other things to talk about with these people to change the subject when you see them going down the same old road. Remember that they love you and when you get to where you are going- they will adjust. TRUST ME. I have been there. After all, you don't plan on losing all the good stuff, just a little of the stuff you don't need!

    You are hilarious, btw. I love reading your blogs. It is like talking to an old friend on the phone. You just put me there!

    Love and Hugs!

    4380 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/20/2009 7:23:13 PM
    ok, everyone gave good advice. I just have one questin. DOn't you think it is weird that she called and said the same thing your husband did a few hours earlier? Were they talking or what?
    4380 days ago
    Don't worry too much. You may want to read some of my blogs they address the same issues. Some friends don't want you to change because they fear it (this may be your husband's issue as well). Some friends don't want you to change because they like their position as the thin friend. I have learned through this that this is my journey. They can't decide for me to stay this way. I decide it's my life. They are welcome to join the journey with me or they can take their negativity elsewhere. Be good to yourself you deserve it.
    4380 days ago
    Hey Christina, as the other gals said, talk it out with him. If you have pics of yourself after your surgeries showing all your pain and such, show them to him again, it serve as reminder to him of where you dont ever want to be again. Heloves you he doesnt want you to be in pain so that is one thing that might help. As for your so-called friend! girl i dont think she has her head screwed on right, so drop her. She aint helping. Remember that post on our pages from Gmanci i think it was...she was saying that sometimes we must look at things like our puppies "if you cant hump it or eat it... piss on it!". Thats right, forget her! you are doing great she's just jealous...(gues i'm emotional tooo) emoticon
    4380 days ago
    OKAY your husband sounds like my husband. Here it is i have an wonderful husband i couldnt ask for an better blessing. but he feels the same way your husband feels. if i wanted a skinny woman i would have married one. i dont like skinny girls. and me like you i feel the same way if you see a toned girl or whatever even a curvy woman but she is in shape your attracted to her right. he says its all in your head i married you because i love you and i was attracted to you. so im like darn. but it all works out like others have said talk to him and let him know why this means so much to you. For me its to be able to teach dance again. i took me putting on a song and dancing to it and showing him how good of a dancer i was for him to be like you are awesome i understand now. go for it. TALKING IT OUT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE! as for the friend sometimes when you are reaching for something your friends arent really going to be there for you like you would expect especially in your situation where your friend has gained weight and she is use to being the skinny friend an now your getting your body together so now she cant look at you like oh but im thinner than her so its alot going on. take a break from her. and try to focus on you and your family right now.
    4380 days ago
    Talk to your husband and sort stuff out with him. Your weight loss is for a good reason, to be in better health. I hope things get better though.

    As for your friend, take a break from her.
    4380 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4756432
    i agree with the previous post. dh is getting a little insecure...i think most men get that way when they see their wives, girlfriends changing, improving for the better. just keep assuring him that he's the only one for you and eventually he'll believe it and back off. just don't let that keep you from reaching your goals and doing things that makes you happy too or you'll start resenting him for that...

    as far as "Jane"...she sure sounded insecure and jealous of you. she has a problem...not you. follow your heart and be true to yourself...always!

    debbiean> emoticon

    4380 days ago
    It's really okay to do things just for you. You can put yourself first. If you feel good about yourself it's even easier to take care of those you love.
    I'm sorry that your husband is upset by this. It really is a common reaction. He is afraid that if you improve, he won't be good enough for you any more. Invite him to diet with you then you can continue to improve together. The only thing you can do is reassure him that he is the man you want. Men don't listen words much though so action will probably affect him more. Maybe you could set a goal and as a reward plan some romantic time with him. When you make changes, it's hard on him, but don't let that deter you. Just keep working to solicit his report.
    I guess the only thing you can tell him about tanning is that is was an activity for you to do with your mom and your sisters and that it really did make you happy to spend carefree time with them. Let him know that you value time with them just like you would like to spend some carefree time with him.
    Good luck
    4380 days ago
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