DAKOTASMOMMY_07
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~~just dont get it~~

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

well im writing this blog,b/c i dont understand.i have lost over 50 lbs.still yet when my husband is home..he says NOTHING!!
this drives me soooo emoticon
i want him to say something,anything.the only thing that was brought up about it was..we were arguing (of course) and he said," ur losing all this weight...im not home,so who is it for!?!"
nothing has been said since about my weight.i know he has gained weight since becoming a truck driver.so maybe thats y he doesnt say anything.
i just dont talk about my progress anymore when he calls.it really is sad for me..b/c i try to see how much i can change my body before i see him.then i get nothing!!
i have never given him a reason to think i would be doing this for someone else.i love him,and only him.
thanks for reading.god bless my spark family,Christina emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LULALOVE
    i thinks he notices,but chooses not to say anything,you know how men are emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4301 days ago
  • RUNNINGOMA
    Okay, adding my 2 cents worth.
    My husband doesn't notice my changes either. I guess the difference though, is that I see him usually every day. Yours doesn't and the expectation is for them to notice -really notice! I think sometimes that is why God gave us girl friends. I mean they jump up and down, scream, show their excitement for us for seemingly small things. I think the way we are a female-male are just different.
    And who are you ultimately doing this for - is for you - and for God and they will always be proud of you. And in the process you encourage so many people. I know you have encouraged me.
    One day your hubby is going to wake up next to you and wonder who is in his bed!! That's what I tell myself when I wish my husband would notice. And, he won't believe what a beautiful, thin, and desirable wife he has.
    4303 days ago
  • RNEWMANX
    awesome
    4306 days ago
  • SWAZY33
    I was suprised to read this blog because after reading your page...it's so obvious that your hubby is the love of your life! I understand that even though we are getting healthy for us first...it IS important for our families to support us! All the encouragement I receive from my hubby, family, friends and of course spark... mean so much to me and really keeps me going, so, I feel your sadness in him not joining in and cheering you along the way. I hope he realizes that you are getting healthy for you and for him and your son, so you can live and love a long lifetime together!
    ps...you look great and we are so proud of your weight loss and journey to wellness! Keep up the great work!
    Prayers and blessings!
    K
    4313 days ago
  • ROWAN_MAPLE
    I agree that it is a bit of insecurity on your hubby's part.
    Men are, by nature, jealous creatures and he just needs to be reminded how much you love him and that you are doing this for your health. Good luck with everything.

    Brightest Blessings emoticon
    4314 days ago
  • TINA48R
    I'm so SORRY Christina,
    "MEN" can be so stupid sometimes ,,I'm sure that is very hurtful to you,,and he should be very ashame of him self for making you feel bad over something you should be feeling wonderful over, he should be happy for you....You should let him know, that hurts you deeply....And also I agree with ( MONEYSTRETCHER )

    My Heart is going out for you Christina ~ Don't let anyone make you feel bad over something you should be feeling wonderful over..
    Sending you LOTS & LOTS of emoticon
    4318 days ago
  • LOLASWEDE
    Ah, I'm very sorry to hear this. He does notice and it is a since of insecurity on his part. It's a form of subconscious sabotage. He sees your confidence and happiness, he sees that other men will notice you too. I'm sure he loves what he sees, but the fear is in change. People are afraid of our weighloss success, because we do change in our confidence and we have the SPARK! Reassure him in subtle ways that you only have eyes for him, and the new healthier you is doing this for yourself mainly, but also to be there for your child and him. The whole thing he needs to hear is that it is for you to be healthy, the looking good part is a plus that comes along with it.

    I hope he will hear you and be proud of your accomplishments. Whatever you do, don't stop! this is for you!

    4318 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2244005
    Well, I think everyone's said pretty much everything. I like the idea of writing your thoughts down and giving it to hubby to read. You saw that you had to change your lifestyle, not only to benefit yourself, but also your hubby and son, and you should be applauded for that! Hope things work out for you and hubby begins to understand why you need to do this - I'll be keeping you in my thoughts & prayers!

    Best wishes,
    Lynn
    4318 days ago
  • no profile photo JOURNIJAE
    men... my husband is the same way, it is hurtful cause we do want postive feedback from the people who are closest to us in our lives.. I didn't get acceptance from the family I grew up in either, I have finally realized after all these years that my opinion is the only one that matters, that I have to care enough about myself to do this.. my guess is that your feelings are not just about the lack of support that upsets you but other things going on at a deeper level within yourself.. I will keep saying this till my last breath.. you have to become your own best friend
    4318 days ago
  • NANCY1204
    I think everyone else has about covered it.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4318 days ago
  • no profile photo CHOCMOM
    emoticon emoticon Like everyone said - we do this for ourselves, so we feel better and are in better health, in-turn that affects everyone around us. Losing the weight will enable you to take better care of your husband and your family - but sadly, he is not seeing that right now. Hopefully, he will come a long. I've read articles that say, "make sure you are including him on the journey". Don't worry about him not making comments - that's is why you have Spark Friends. But keep him posted on your achievements, your enthusiasm, tell him when you do a new QFC or eat something new. Ask his input on healthy meal planning. If you can get him to walk with you when he is home - that would be great. I never could with my spouse. For some reason the ones we are closest to are often the biggest saboteurs. My sister and I have gone to WW off and on throughout the years. Our mother often complained about our weight problems - she never had one - but after a month of WW and progress - she would invite us over to dinner for fried chicken and ice cream sundaes. I would say "Mom why are you doing this, you know we are going to WW?" She would just say "I thought you needed a break", the same woman that complained about having FAT children!! I never understood. She has improved in the past few years - despite the fact that she has never had a weight problem, she is now diabetic and has to keep her weight below 125. So she tries harder to eat the right things and cook right for her family.

    Christina - you have to keep going for yourself and your family. Don't talk about your progress, talk about the new recipe you tried, etc.

    emoticon
    4318 days ago
  • MOMMAROLEMODEL
    Looks like you got alot of amazing advise-- all I would add is I find it easier to get all my thoughts down and out by either e-mailing my husband or writing it in a letter. This allows him to read it, take it in, and process it-- he always calls me right away and apologizes for not realizing how something was bothering me or effecting me and this is a great way for us to each get our thoughts out with out yelling.

    Don't get me wrong we have other arguments; however things that really bother me or that I find are hard to talk about --this seems to work for us!

    I will say a giant pray for you and hope that you talk to your husband-- b/c I can tell in your pictures that you too truly love each other and make each other happy-- good luck
    Timberlee
    4318 days ago
  • 1PHATTGURL
    Sounds like he's insecure to me. He did notice so you know it's working. I've heard the same from people with overweight friends. They don't receive positive comments from friends because they are not in a good place themselves. It's a shame either way but especially when it's a spouse or life partner. They're supposed to be there for you and be supportive. I'd call him out on it but that's just me.
    4319 days ago
  • MARINEMAMA
    Such a man thing!! He has noticed...he probably feels threatened by it. I am sure with him gaining weight and being on the road many hours does not help. Talk to him.
    When I am confused or upset and try to figure things out on my own, I find it causes only more confusion and pain....all around. Men and women think differently....the whole mars/venus thing. Find out where his mind is at and talk it over. Best wishes!! emoticon
    4319 days ago
  • PINKYPOOS
    aha - he did notice, because he mentioned it in an argument. One word - jealousy!!! Men can be insecure sometimes, especially when we make changes and they start to wonder why!! Maybe at some point (doesn't have to be now) you should sit down and explain to your husband why you feel you want to lose the weight and who you are doing it for and why, or maybe even write this in a letter for him to read next time he comes home. I would also include a bit about how you look forward to him telling you how good you look, when he gets home and how much it hurts for him not to say anything, as you are doing all of this for yourself, your child and for HIM too!!! Myabe if you spell it out, just how you feel and how much you love him, he will realise that there is nothing to worry about and that he can enjoy how you look!!!!
    Good luck!!!
    4319 days ago
  • MONEYSTRETCHER
    Well he did notice, he is just insecure. Some husbands react this way. You need to talk with him about that, try to help him see that he is your one and only. Let him know that you want to live a healthy life with him and your son. Tell him the only other guy in your life other than him is Dakota and Dakota deserves a healthy active mother. It may take some time for it all to sink in. But if he is worried, believe me, he thinks your hot and getting hotter! But you do want to help him feel more confident. Complimenting him when possible may help with that too. Compliments should always be genuine, but let him know what you appericiate about him.

    We don't always react the way our spouse think we will and they don't always react the way we think they will. He'll come around.
    4319 days ago
  • _RAMONA
    Awww... losing weight also has its downside at times... we lose the weight for ourselves, but it affects everyone around us. I think he told you indirectly how he's really feeling (rational, or not): "he said,"ur losing all this weight...im not home,so who is it for!?!""

    It's not uncommon for spouses to get irrationally concerned when one partner starts to change (doesn't matter what the change is ... losing weight, going back to school, gettting a better job, making new friends, learning a new skill, etc.). At some level this IS threatening because it's natural to wonder what this means for them, and will they have to change, too.

    Also, believe it or not, your husband thinks you are the hottest thing going, and it likely worries him to begin with that he's not around as much as he'd like to be, and now you're getting HOTTER! What's a guy to do?! He likely feels if he doesn't encourage you a whole lot, that you'll stop, and he can relax... it may not even be conscious on his part.

    There's also the away factor... he sees you handling things just fine without him... and not only are you handling things well without him, you are doing 'better' for yourself. What do you need him for?

    I KNOW it doesn't make sense, but this is the sort of stuff that goes through guys' heads. My husband is a really secure guy, and HE wonders out loud if I'll be different in any when I lose all the weight (worries about missing the hips he loves so much)... he sees me changing now.... more confident, and because I require more of myself, I require more of him, and for our family. He doesn't always find it easy to keep up with me.

    Cut your guy some slack, and try to find ways to make him understand just how much he means to you... but even more importantly, just how much you NEED him. And open up the conversation... flat out ask him if he's unhappy that you are losing weight. What concerns him about it. Men often need to be gently encouraged to talk about how they really feel, and sometimes they don't knwo how they feel until someone helps them vocalize it... my husband always says he had no feeling until he met me! LOL! It's been almost ten years now, and it's only in the last four years or so that he's been initiating comments about how he feels about things.

    Your DH IS noticing the changes, and it's scaring him. Give him time and understanding, and he'll come around!

    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
    4319 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/21/2009 1:19:34 AM
  • MARTANYDIATORRE
    Christina
    I will be sending all energy so that you find the right way to pose this to your husband.I can understand that it is very discouraging that he doesn't notice.
    Marta Nydia
    4319 days ago
  • CHRISTIEC73
    It sounds to me like your husband is feeling a little insecure. It probably is a combination of his weight gain and your weight loss. He thinks that you are losing weight for someone else and you are going to leave him. You need to sit down and have a real heart to heart about it. Yes, he may seem rude for not "noticing" it but in reality it may just be that he is hurting by thinking that you are doing it for someone else. Just a thought. Hope you find happiness.
    4319 days ago
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