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~Here it is..Tell me what you think.~

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

emoticon emoticon emoticonThis is a lot to take in..
Well I returned home yesterday from our "mini vacation".
The one good thing that came out of this was my hubby gave me my anniversary gift!! I had told him months ago I wanted a "Mother's Ring"..
So there it was a White Gold Beautiful Mother's Ring!! I LOVE IT!
He said,"see I pay attention when you talk".

Ok so many of my Spark Friends asked me how our vacation to my MIL's went..
Here it is,please tell me what YOU think..

Almost dont know where to begin.
Dakota LOVES his Daddy emoticon emoticonWhen hes home from the road..It's "Daddy..Daddy".
My MIL's husband (we will call him John) doesnt like kids..Well not kids that cry,or misbehave.
If they go to a restaurant,and they are about to be seated next to a family,he will ask to be moved.
So while I'm at there place he starts calling our son ALL sorts of names!! emoticon
From your spoiled to your not a boy,your a girl.
Dakota fell down bruised his cheek..John told him boys dont CRY!!
John was nice to all of us while Dakota was sleeping.As soon as he would wake John was MEAN to him!!
He wouldnt say anything in front of my husband.
John made fun of the way Dakota talks..He would say who taught you to say "wa wa"(for water).
Theres just so much.
emoticon emoticon
He didnt want me to pick him up!!
When Dakota was crying for "Daddy" John told me I could spank him,and put him in one of the bed rooms,then shut the door!!!!!
I took Dakota outside.Walked as far away from there as I could..
Crying..Texting my Mom.
Your probably thinking..Why didnt I say something??
It didnt matter.He didnt care.
I love my husband.I wanted him to be able to see his Mom,and Brother.
I felt like I was being selfish.I see my Mom ALL the time.
So I kept my mouth shut.
Then John tells me that Dakota will end up in prison if I dont do something now.
I didnt have to tell my husband John let it slip..He said something to Dakota while my hubby was holding him(something mean)..
My husband WENT OFF!!! WOW Things turned UGLY quick!!
Our son just turned 2 yrs. Hes beautiful..SMART!! LOVING!!
Yes hes a boy..He runs,plays..yells.BUT hes my baby.
Yes I discipline him.BUT I'm not gonna spank him for wanting his father..Or for being a kid.
Things are not good right now between John my MIL,and us..
He had me believing I was a FAILURE for a MOTHER!!
I was up at 5 am.texting my mom,telling her how I had failed.
I just have to keep telling myself John is WRONG!! And I may not always know how to handle EVERYTHING..BUT I do my best.
That I love Dakota more than I could LOVE anyone!! He is my heart,and soul...My world.
I will continue to teach him to be respectful.
Sorry I rambled on,and on.I just dont understand how someone can be so mean to a child.
GOD will take care of this.
If YOU think I'm in the wrong,and he was RIGHT I would like your opinion . emoticon
Just so you all know I did my workouts..and kept a food diary while I was there!! I did good,even though they thought I was crazy.
Lots of LOVE to my Spark Family,and God Bless..Christina emoticon
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  • no profile photo CD2244005
    Just got around to reading this now, but have to agree with the others! And kudos to hubby for sounding off! You're better off to stay away (far, far away) from "John"! Hubby should tell his mom that you'll visit, but you're not going to stand to be verbally abused - mif "John" can't keep his mouth closed, you won't visit.

    Congrats to you for doing your workouts and keeping the food diary! And YOU"RE A GREAT MOTHER!
    4265 days ago
    Oh hunny bunny, my friend~

    You are a great mom. John (that is a great nickname, as in john or toilet), that is what I picture. This person, cuz he clearly is not a man, is sick and a child abuser. Dakota is a baby, he will learn how to say water when he is older. Children ARE noisy, it is who they are. You need to keep this creep away from him, as he will change who he is as a person. So very happy your husband dealt with it.

    You did the perfect thing to protect your baby boy. You are not spoiling him, so do not even buy into his crazy way of thinking. Geez, you both need to stay away from both of your husbands parents. I am really, really angry at their behavior to a small child.

    I have to stop, but you totally did the right things for the situation you were in, just do not allow yourself to be put in that situation again. Stay in a hotel if you have to or do not go with him to visit.

    4266 days ago
    First off you are a great mom! I am glad that your husband witnessed it and said something. You have to protect your child and I agree with everyone stay away from him! I would have had a hard time holding it in!
    People like that are just awful!


    P.S great job on the workouts and the tracking under all that stress! emoticon
    4267 days ago
    Girl, that is your SON! You had EVERY RIGHT to speak up if you wanted to. Personally, I would've belted him one, packed up the kid and told hubby to continue with his visit since I would not allow my kid to be verbally abused! OMG, I am SOOOOO mad right now.

    I don't have kids (by choice) and I admit, we've left restaurants because we didn't go out to eat to hear someone else's kids screech throughout our meal but I like children and would never speak to them like that. Children are to be loved, cherished and encouraged by all members of their family and friends of the family. Those who don't can take a flying leap! Family or not!
    4267 days ago
    Christina...you said it best; "God will handle it". We all feel the love you have for your family; there's no denying that. Thank goodness your husband knows you are a treasure and listens to you. God Bless.

    4267 days ago
    John sounds totally toxic. It is best to stay far away from him. Its actually good that your husband was able to witness abuse. If you had just exploded it could have easily been turned around so that you looked to be in the wrong. Unfortunately sounds like your MIL buys right in to the evil that her husband spews. Prayerfully stronger heads will prevail and a resolution will come so your husband can enjoy his family without the toxicity of John. Prayer changes things so ou never know. Don't let his garbage poison you; its his issue not yours.


    Tanya emoticon
    4267 days ago
    'John' (not what I'd really like to call him) is an abuser and is not to be tolerated, nor should you ever again expose yourself or Dakota to even the possibility if his abuse. Your husband's bother and mother can come to visit you on your turf, or your husband can go visit alone. Your MIL should be told by her son (NOT you) that if she wants to see her grandson, she needs to keep her husband in line. Good for your hubby for stepping up.

    YOU are GREAT mom, and you have not failed Dakota in any way!!!!!! You said it yourself... Dakota is still a BABY... and he will grow into a fine young man. You did exactly what a good mom would do... you protected him as much as was possible under the circumstances.

    THIS is what I think!

    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
    4268 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/9/2009 7:28:24 PM
    HOLY COW JOHN SOUNDS EVIL. GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND!!!!! I'm glad there are smart people out there who can tell you that that John is nutso and you're a fine mother. GRRRR I would definitely not allow my child to be around him.
    4268 days ago
    Abusive - bottom line - I would keep my child as far away from that man as possible. You also need to let your husband know how uncomfortable you were and that you or your child will not be going anywhere where he might be. I don't think your husband would disagree given the fact that he too heard the comments and reacted to them.

    My suggestion, send his Mom a plane ticket to come and visit you, sans old man, the next time you want to visit. Then you can enjoy her company without be demoralized.

    What an ass!

    4268 days ago
    Everyone else here has pretty much said it all.
    You are such a loving, devoted mother and your son is blessed to have you. You model the best for hoim and he's going to be just fine. He's 2 and needs love and you just go right on giving him that confidence, peace and happiness that comes from love. WHen you need to set limits you now how to do it with love. Yelling and isolating a 2 year old only activates fear and how good can anyone act when they are frightened?
    You just keep on trusting your emoticon - it is the greatest of emoticon gifts to your son that he has such a centered and right on mom!
    ANd your son is so lucky to have your husband too. SOunds like quite a bind for him. He seems like quite a great dad- to have modeled himself the opposite from his dad!
    Extended families can really test us. WHat an ordeal.
    But now, OWN YOUR INNER WISDOM at an even deeper level and count your blessings that you understand the great gift of love and being loving.
    4268 days ago
    I am so sorry that you had to go through this and especially over the weekend that your husband was home after being gone for so long. This constitutes verbal abuse and I would try to stay as far away from him as you can. You are a loving mother of a bright, energetic, happy 2 year old and neither of you needs to be subjected to the abuse. Since your husband witnessed some of the abuse, is there any way that he can talk to his mom about it, or does she just turn a blind eye to the whole thing?

    If you need to talk any more about what happened, I am here for you.

    emoticon Karen
    4268 days ago
    Wow! I think you are absolutely awesome for showing such self-control in not addressing "John". You are probably right that he wouldn't have cared anyway and then he might have said more junk that would just make you feel worse.
    You are totally right in not disciplining for childishness. He's only 2 for Pete's sake!! God gave this little boy to you, not your FIL to raise. It is wonderful that you have an understanding mother that is there for you and can give you the support you need.
    Christine, don't let others dictate you value. Always remember what God thinks of you and of your dear little boy. Only God's love is perfect.
    You just keep on loving and raising Dakota according to God's plan.
    4268 days ago
    I am so sorry your long awaited vacations turned out like this.You mother in law husband seems to be a very retrograde man that probably was never left to be a child himself.Limit or avoid completely Daakotas contact with him.Next time find a neutral place and best if you invite only your mother in law and brother.Get this man off your life and your childs life.

    Marta Nydia
    4268 days ago
    I am so sorry your long awaited vacations turned out like this.You mother in law husband seems to be a very retrograde man that probably was never left to be a child himself.Limit or avoid completely Daakotas contact with him.Next time find a neutral place and best if you invite only your mother in law and brother.Get this man off your life and your childs life.

    Marta Nydia
    4268 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4872155
    what a shame... on the up-side, this man is not a regular presence in your precious little one's life!

    I've never quite understood people who don't like kids... maybe he had an awful childhood himself? Maybe he landed on this earth middle aged?

    His behaviour would be enough to make me not allow my child to spend time with him (i am a tough nut when it comes to what's good for my lad)

    At least your husband knows now and you're not alone in this knowledge.

    Best wishes
    4268 days ago
    Im so sorry for your child :( What a shame that your FIL will never get to know or understand what a beautiful boy Dakota is. BUT sorry to be rude, SCREW HIM! No one is allowed to talk to, or about my child like that. Words are so hurtful and your kiddo needs to be protected from people like him, regardless of family relationships
    4268 days ago
  • DMOFF1818
    I gotta agree with everyone else - Dakota is YOUR baby, you know him like no other and no one can tell you how best to take care of your little guy. Follow your gut instinct and don't listen to that "old fart."

    4268 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4114604
    Wow..so sorry that you had to go through this Christina...but don't you stress yourself out over this..your FIL sounds like an old Grump..who is very unhappy with how his life is or has been..he also sounds..forgive me for saying this.."backwoods"...he sounds as if he is extremely oldfashioned to the point of emotionally abusive..you and your husband are Dakota's parents...and you are raising him the way you feel is right..and i am sure you are doing a great job..it would be ideal for Dakota to have a loving and supportive grandpa..that teaches him things only grandpa's can..but in this case i would limit his contact with your son a whole lot!!! emoticon
    4268 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/9/2009 12:42:17 AM
    Whoa, my hat's off to you. You must really love your husband because I know a lot of people who would've hopped in the car and been like "if you need me I'll be at the Days Inn." You have incredible patience and hopefully your son will grow up to see this as a strength rather than a weakness. Prisons are full of folks that couldn't wait and had to do (fill in the blank) right now. Hope John has an accident while opening Crazy Glue with his mouth before your next visit, if there is one, and that things get better. Good luck and God bless.
    4268 days ago
    Sounds rough! I would have your husband talk to his father or limit the F-I-L contact with your son!
    4268 days ago
    I think as parents it's our job to surround ourselves with a support net of people, quality people.

    Toxic people, even if they are family members, that make us doubt our abilities are not the kind of people I choose to have been in my support net.

    Dakota is your child and both of you as parents get to decide how he should be parented, not extended family members. It's perfectly fine to not spank kids for being kids.

    I'm sorry you had a rough vacation, take some time to yourself, talk to some good friends, and breath deep.
    4268 days ago
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