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~Why is he like that when it comes to my weightloss?~

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ok so this blog is about a couple different things.
I have been buying a new shirt..shorts..pants,whatever is on clearance every once in a while(something to work towards).So I bought me a pair of jean shorts.I'm SOOO hoping to be in a size 14 by summer of 2010 emoticon
Hubby comes home from the road,sees the shorts..Asks me,"Whose are these?"
I said,"Mine". emoticon
He gets emoticonHes like...Oh NOO!! You are a wife and Mother,you don't need to dress like that.
Well then I go on and on about how for once I want to be able to wear something that makes me feel good.
He says he will end up getting into a fight if a guy looks at me emoticon
Ok so I thought this was all about me dressing like a wife and Mother?
So I promised him I would only wear them at home.Its not only that,theres so many little things~From what I wear-to make up-my hair..
Hes never been like this before.
Just recently he started saying he thought I exercised TOO much.
Sometimes its cute,but this time it just got on my nerves.
For once I would like to be healthy but also the girl who looks cute.HOWEVER I am starting to think this will NEVER happen.Not only am I still STUCK in this PLATEAU,and I'm working sooo hard..But I am still in the mindset of "ME" @ 300+ lbs.
Don't know if I explained that right.
I have people who tell me I look GREAT! I just don't see it!! emoticon I look in the mirror,and pick a part my body..I have a reason why I am disgusted by each part.
Even though I have lost 76 lbs. I look in the mirror and think when I get to my goal I still will NOT look right.
Almost as if I will NEVER be "good enough".
Don't know if any of this makes sense.
Another thing why is it most people will NOT mention anything about your weightless?? I could even bring it up myself,and the subject will get changed.. emoticon

Oh well it is the way it is..Nothing I can do about it I guess.
Thanks for stopping by.Just needed to vent is all.
God Bless my Spark Family,Christina emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    yes. he is just concerned that all these changes you are making to yourself, you will decide to change from him. it is not that he doesn't care but more insecurity. just keep reminding him that you love him and you want to be healthy. if he is willing try to include him in your workouts. even if as simple when weather is nice, going for walks around the neighborhood.

    also. on yourself. loving yourself is very crucial. it is hard for us to judge ourselves and see changes, but as time goes by, just remember the changes that have come about now versus 76 pounds ago and so on. relish in the new shape your body is taking. You definitely must love yourself. I find more success in being positive about the way I look versus days i'm so hard on myself. it takes time, but just find little things about your body that you like to see changing.
    4144 days ago
    Well I totally agree with Notabouttheface on this one! First of all you are an adult you should be able to wear what you want! (and I bet the shorts aren't that short and if they are so what)ok sorry I am 54 and been all through that jealous stuff with men,He is very insecure! Just let him know how much you do love him and that you are doing this for you, and remember too this is Very much about your HEALTH!!! as well. I would also remind your husband of that. You are beautiful inside as well as out! enjoy your Journey!! ~Carolmarol54 emoticon Job! emoticon
    4144 days ago
    he is doing what a man sometimes will do.. act out because they feel the heat of you doing something outside of them or in this case he's just showing you that you DO LOOK HOTT. and its to the point where OTHER MEN will be attracted to you even more now.. so thats threatening.. he will come around
    4167 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4724404
    Its ok darlin'. He'll come around. It sounds like he is feeling a little threatned by your success. And I understand what you mean. I lose weight but I still think of myself as the girl weighed 336lbs! Its ok tho. I will pray for you both and hopes he gets to a point where he will only support and not be threatend by you looking like a hot mama! THE PLATEAU STILL GOT YOU!!!???!!! DARN! Just keep going!!! It can't hold you forever!!! YOU WILL BEAT THAT STUPID PLATEAU I UST KNOW YOU WILL!!! Love and God bless babe. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4167 days ago
  • TINA48R
    I am so sorry your husband makes you feel bad,I agree with everyone else..Just keep your head up Christina and just keep pushing yourself forward,,You are such a wonderful loving person...

    God bless and lots of emoticon
    4168 days ago
    You do what you do Christina and don't let anyone steer you away from you goal of healthy, happy and lookin' good. If ever you could be selfish about something, this is it. This is something only you can do for yourself and the reward is priceless. If you wanna sport some Daisy Dukes this summer do it! DH will get over it, and if he doesn't...TOO BAD! Don't let anyone stop you from being you, especially if it makes you happy.

    Actually, you were always the healthy and cute girl! She's been there all along, you're just letting her shine now! Like the post above, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
    4184 days ago
    Eh, he's worried about losing you, everyone else already said it all but I have to agree. I try to make sure my hubby knows that even though I'm now at a fit and healthy weight and he isn't, I love him and that is what matters and I will always love him forever! Hopefully he will come around by next summer and let you enjoy those shorts!
    4196 days ago
  • DANGEL117
    Sounds like your hubby is super insecure, most men are, mine is too! Mines worse though, its like he wants me to lose weight but he doesn't; he watches what I eat and compliments me when I wear a pair of nice fitting jeans but yells at me when I buy special food and frowns on me buying smaller clothes. He thinks I should just stop eating and that will be ok! Something he does that really drives me crazy is always checks out little skinny girls, than tells me "She looks just like you baby" Yeah right- minus 100 lbs!
    I too still see a 200 lb girl in the mirror! I'm half worried if I do get to my goal weight my skin will just hang, that won't be pretty!
    Weightloss is a touchy subject, thats what your SP friends are for!
    My thoughts and prayers are with you!
    4196 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2244005
    You're a wonderful wife and mother and you deserve to look how you want to look! Hubby is just insecure, and being on the road alot doesn't help - gets him to thinking. Just be the loving woman you are! Best wishes!
    4196 days ago
    I know exactly what you are talking about. I have recently complained in similar blogs. You can't change him, but you can change yourself. Work towards you. It is so scary I know, but I am now getting close and I am terrified, but you know I am worth it and so are you. You deserve to congratulate yourself of the lost of so many pounds. You go girl.
    4196 days ago
    Continue to do what is right for you. You are doing fantastic. He will have to adjust to your new YOU and he is afraid of loosing you. Stay positive. Good luck!
    4196 days ago
    Ahh, I've seen this alot with some friends over the years. The guy gets threatened by the wife's weight loss because he thinks suddenly she's going to be a dude magnet, or worse, cheat on him. (Not saying that's the case with your guy but I've seen friends get berated by their husbands for going to the gym too much so they can 'get hot' and leave.) Your man needs reassurance but he also needs to know that you will NOT be relagated to "mom jeans" and turtlenecks and he needs to accept that.

    DO NOT engage in negative self talk. Seriously. Picking a body part to pick on is futile. I can't count how many times I used to do that and when I stopped, the weight came off. You need to start a jar and for every negative thing you say about yourself, put in a buck, a quarter, whatever and hopefully you'll never have enough to buy anything but if you do, then buy something that will make you feel beautiful!!
    4196 days ago
    Saying a prayer that you except this new and hot body you have worked so hard for. Yes, I understand buying something that makes you feel good and sexy b/c they you feel more confident. I hope things start to come together and that you reassure your husband why you love him and that you are taking care of yourself so you can be a better wife to him, not to leave him. I can see how he would have insecurities since he is on the road all the time; however it doesn't make it write but maybe you need to really open up to him and explain why this is so important for you.

    Good luck sweetie.
    4196 days ago
    Regarding people not commenting on weight loss............If I notice someone has lost weight I usually just say something like WOW! You look great!!!! I feel like I'll embarass them if I say they've lost a lot of weight.........or worse yet, that I'm implying that they were fat and NEEDED to lose weight. People usually then say they've lost some weight and I tell themthat I hope it's a good thing (that it's not due to illness). Then they can tell me about all their hard work.
    Regarding not looking good when you're thin..........I'm a very slender person but that does not mean I am perfectly shaped. So whatever your size there will still be parts of your body that are not "ideal." That's why focusing on good health is importatn. If you just focus on looks you will never be happy.
    4196 days ago
  • GABBIE00
    well to start with.youre looking real good and if your husband jealous before he is now and worry about what other guys think when they look at you.don't worry that's a good comp.and as for other not saying any thing they're just jealous that you look really good and they can't stand it.just keep doing a great job and keep them jealous.
    4196 days ago
    First of all, let me tell you something... (Picture me in your face like Jillian gets on the Biggest Loser contestants...)


    Don't you let others and their negativity get into your positive thoughts and goals of what YOU want to be!! If you want to put on a micro miniskirt... PUT THE SUCKER ON!!

    Forget that wife and mother crap! Be a SEXY AZZ wife and mother!!! Your beloved hubby's comment kind of pissed me off! I mean no disrespect to him OR to you, but that is the negative type of comment that can change our goals into what someone else wants us to be like instead of what WE want to be like... What is wrong with being a sexy mother and wife? Weren't you sexy when you met him? Now don't get me wrong, dear, don't be raunchy and hookerish :), but you can be sexy and suave in a way that does not make the PTA look at you from the corner of their eyes....

    About other people avoiding complimenting or discussing your weight loss... SO WHAT?! YOU know how much you lost, YOU know how hard you worked, YOU know how much better you feel!!!!

    Oh, I forgot... GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon
    4196 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/11/2009 7:59:45 AM
    I agree that Robin has said it perfectly. My husband is always very supportive, but once in a while I see his insecurities coming through too. My husband says the same thing too about going crazy or getting into a fight if another man looks at me in a more than friendly way, but deep down he knows that I love him and don't ever plan to "shop around" no matter what my weight is. I know I have the absolute best man ever so there is no reason to look, no one would do for me everthing he does.

    I also know how you feel about no one noticing or talking about your weight loss although I haven't lost much weight........only 12 pounds so far. I just recently posted a blog on my site about it. You can read it if you want.

    Don't let anyone get you down. Keep sparking!
    4196 days ago
    I agree with Robin. Perhaps you DH is a little worried how other men might look at you. He is on the road a lot and maybe has some insecurities. Just keep reminding him how much he means to you. You have been so great at showing how much you admire your husband to us here - so just tell him the same things you tell us about him. Maybe he just needs to make the adjustment and it will take some time.

    Maybe you can go back and look at some of your old pictures. You have changed a lot! Sometimes our minds need to lose the weight along with our bodies. I struggle with that too.

    4196 days ago
    Just don't let 'em sabotage you now! Ditto on what Robin said!
    4196 days ago
    Wow, Christina. Robin just about covered what I have to say.

    I have also been feeling the same way. Its tough looking and the mirror and accepting that there is a change. You know its different because the clothes no longer fit. I was thinking maybe my scale was broken and I did not really lose. Don't even get me started on using different scales (big mistake). Bottomline as someone commented to me - we have to learn to love the body we have no matter what size it is or how it looks. Now that does not mean we should not work to improve it but we must appreciate it. It will take some time for your perception in the mirror to catch up with the real you - its a mental thing for some of us (me included). You will get there my friend (and so will I). One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time, just don't give up!

    emoticon (the turtle always endures obstacles that may come)
    4197 days ago
    That is a tough one! I'd say your husband's insecurities are showing. Maybe he's afraid that when you reach goal weight you will be looking around? Maybe he needs reassurance that HE'S the one for you!

    As for why people won't mention weight loss: Sometimes they are jealous and your success makes them feel bad because THEY need to lose weight. Sometimes people who lose a lot of weight have an illness and so people are afraid to bring it up. Or, sometimes they are afraid they will insult you by bringing it up as complimenting you confirms they thought you NEEDED to lose weight. People are hard to figure.

    I've gone down two clothing sizes since I started with SparkPeople, and I can see that I look different, but nobody else has mentioned anything.

    That's OK. We're losing weight for ourselves, not for anybody else, right? And WE are winners!

    4197 days ago
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