I ask you this...What do you want?

Monday, December 28, 2009

I've been fighting weight loss/gain since I was 19 years old.

It started out slowly. I was 120 pounds and it would start with just a couple of pounds that would creep up and then go away. Then it got to be a few more - up and down. I would say to myself, I still look good at 130. 140 isn't so bad. Then finally, when I was 37 years old I reached 250 pounds. The largest I'd ever been in my life.

Before my highest weight I joined Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers. I tried every diet I could find in a magazine or something a friend would suggest. Lastly, I joined Lindora and lost 63 pounds. I was able to keep it off for awhile, but sure enough I started to creep up again. By November of 2006, I was 240 pounds again.

In March 2007, I joined Sparkpeople. I went down to 182 pounds. Great, right? Well, unfortunately, I am now up to 220 again. I have been 200 - 205 pounds for 5.5 months. Then my eating just got out of control. I was eating everything and anything I wanted to the fullest extent.

So, now I ask me this... What do I want?

Do I want to be uncomfortable in my own skin? No!
Do I want to take 45 minutes every morning trying to figure out what to wear that doesn't show too much of my fat and then still end up wearing one of 5 outfits that still fit? No!
Do I want my knees to hurt when I run? No!
Do I want people to ask me, "if you're running so much, why aren't you thinner?" (true question - I didn't have an answer). No!
Do I want to be afraid of my scale? No!
Do I want to wonder what people are thinking when they look at me? No!

I'm pretty sure I'd like nothing more than to be excited to look in a mirror and try on new clothes and to walk around the house naked (as long as my son isn't home - lol) and to be able to run a 10 minute mile like it was nothing. I'd like to be comfortable with my picture being taken and sharing in my family and friends memories.

So, then why aren't I doing it? What is holding me back?

Fear and laziness:

I've been too lazy to write down my food and exercise. Its been proven to me again and again that that is the "secret" to my success. When I write things down, I do much better.

Fear is the bigger of the two. I'm afraid that when I get to my goal weight, my shield will be down. I may find that I'm not happy with my life, that I'm no longer satified with the way things are going. I may have to make drastic changes. Change is not easy for me, so I have a tentancy to stick with the status quo. I usually start out gung-hoa after updating this page, but I think I'm going to start off slow.

So, to answer my question...What do you want?

. I want to write down my food at least 5 days a week
. I want to run/walk 10 miles a week for 4 weeks
. I want to take my picture everyday, so I can see my progress in front of me and not only on my scale and
. I want to forgive myself for getting this size again and just move on from here.

Here I go..................
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Remember Veronica you have not failed unless you've given up. I too have gained almost all my weight back. I'm starting tonight with a blog & a salad. I'm going to eat and drink lots of water. I hope your plan works for you. Strength to you my friend. Hugs, Keke
    4235 days ago
    Veronica, the only thing you need to fear is fear itself. You know the route to take on your journey to your healthier lifestyle goals. I also hear you on the tracking of food and exercise, they really are the key. I know some days life just gets in the way, and also, the food is hard to track if you eat out (which I do lots), but it still give you a rough idea.

    I am so glad that you are not giving up on yourself!!! You can do this Veronica!!!

    Hugs, Sonia
    4236 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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