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~My *MIL* said WHAT??~

Monday, December 13, 2010

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon=How I feel right now!!

Ok Friends I'm just a little overwhelmed today..With the Holidays I know many of us have a lot to do..For some reason I am OVERLOADED!!
WAIT..I know what my problem is..My MIL called Sunday telling me she was coming over on Wednesday..She lives in Oklahoma..I live in Missouri.So no we don't see much of each other.
GOD knows I love her..BUT she is not always so kind.Maybe she just doesn't mean it.

hubby is on the road..So it will be just my boy,and I here to face this storm. emoticon
Why is it so bad your wondering..??
ALL she talks about is our finances..OR how I raise our boy..OR my involvement with our Church..ALWAYS negative!!

I was on the phone with her..She tells me I NEED to talk to our "Tax Guy" about using the time I donate to the Church as a Tax write off!! emoticonShe just said WHAT!!??!!
She wanted to know if we pay our tithes..So we could use that as well!!
OMG!! For 1. I do what I do for GOD!! Not for ME or any other reason.(other than to help others)
2. If the LORD wants my family to be BLESSED (which we already are) he will be the one to do the BLESSING!!
I told her I didn't feel right about this..She said.."Oh well I will call him,and ask him for you." emoticon
What do I say to someone who isn't involved with a Church like I am,and they kinda criticize me for the time,and effort I put into it??
Of course I know to PRAY for them..BUT what do I say in that "moment"??

I'm hoping going Caroling at the Nursing Homes tonight will help with my mood.

I'm in charge of a Church event Friday..Little nervous..BUT EXCITED about!! Its a Christmas Party for the Group Homes in our town emoticon

Ok I vented..Maybe now I can get my house clean before its time to leave.
Thanks so much for listening..Knew I could count on YOU!! emoticon
"HAPPY Birthday JESUS!!"
God Bless~Christina
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh sweetsie...I soooo relate to you...and this is a story of my MIL from H...E.... double toothpicks! Did I mention I've been married to the hubs for going on 33 years now?? His mother and his sister and I NEVER got along...I was SO excited to be married and was thinking I'd be gaining a sister...but alas...I was the one that seemed to be the evil woman who was taking away a baby boy and brother....did I mention DH was 31 years old when we tied the knot...not exactly a BABY by any means...but he paid LOTS of the mother and sister's housing expenses and when he explained that would not continue because he was starting his own family...well...you know the issues that arose.

    His mother and sister always seemed to plot together against me and his mother especially was the sneakiest little woman I'd ever come across.

    I found that staying silent did NO good...and asking for help from the hubs did next to nothing either. I think he secretely reveled in women vieing for his attention making him the 'hero' so to speak.

    The battle continued for some 30 years with hurt feelings and resentments on both sides. Finally the summer before last I decided that his mother OBVIOUSLY was NEVER going to change...so it had to be me that made the arrangement bearable.

    I told hubs that I would tolerate a few hours at a time with his mom and sister...but ONLY if he was there with me! After all they were his blamed family...he was OBLIGATED...I wasn't.

    I also decided that no one was EVER going to win this battle and that I didn't want his mom to die (she's pretty old...but most likely will outlive ALL of us emoticon ) hee..hee! I just didn't want the guilt of not trying to bury the hatchet hanging over me knowing what I know about rising above adversity by being the bigger person and such.

    When I hear about as much as I want to tolerate from her....I will excuse myself with a smile and take a time out...where I take big long cleansing breathes and tell myself how lucky I am that this isn't MY mom! Again...hee...hee and a halloulauh too!

    When the conversation REALLY starts going sideways...I say...Wow...everyone has their opinions...your's just doesn't happen to be mine, lets agree to disagree okay?

    Or and this one really works..."Wow, you're right about that!" No one can argue with something you agree with them over...now the hard part is keeping the sarcasm out of your voice while your agreeing! emoticon

    I think the MIL visiting while your hubby is away is WAY over the line...and I'd probably insist that the DH wouldn't HEAR of his mom coming at a time he can't be there to ....cough....enjoy her company! emoticon Stick to your guns darling friend...you rule your home...not the 'other' woman! emoticon

    Just my 2 cents worth...and I've been at this dilemna for a LONG time...I just try my best to look at my MIL through my hubby's eyes...it helps...some. emoticon
    3801 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/20/2010 7:50:24 PM
  • KARRYB73
    I would say no, she cannot come over as your hubby is out of town and you have things going on. My MIL (rest her soul) was the same way and I finally had to be honest (ie blunt) with her and tell her that I would not discuss __, ___, __ with her as I felt those were items that should be discussed and decided by my husband and I. Hitched.com has some good tips on dealing with in-laws.

    Good luck to you!

    3807 days ago
    Deep breath! I remember how toxic the last encounter was with her- sorry you have this to manage w/o your husband being there. Hey wait a sec!!! WHY is she coming when your DH/her son isn't there anyway???!!!! I'd be pre-emptive and make very clear in a loving way that you are glad she is there to enjoy her wonderful grandson, acknowledge up front that you have different philosophies around your relationship to your community (which is right on, if you ask me), finances and to child-rearing. Take those OFF the table at least while your DH is away. Maybe there's room to pre-empt her battles. ANd have constructive conversations later. Thank her if you think she is trying to be helpful but make it something she has to take up with her son.
    But no matter what, if she can't help but go there, do NOT give her power over you- be emotional teflon (i know easy to say) whatever she says- you are a wonderful mom and community member and if she doesn't get it, too bad for her.
    GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!! emoticon
    3807 days ago
    Oops. emoticon
    3808 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/14/2010 1:13:23 AM
    Wow, that's a good question: what to say in the moment? I'm a fan of less is more. If she offers advice simply tell her you'll "think about it." That and thank you never hurts. Hopefully she'll get the hint but even if she doesn't your bases are covered. emoticon
    3808 days ago
    Oh my beautiful friend~ I know what you are going thru because of our talks the last time you saw her. I thought Mark had taken care of the situation. I new she would show up again, eventually.

    I have some other things to say,but it is super late and I have to get to bed. I will text, email or call you tomorrow.

    Hang in there buddy, a lot of people are praying for you and what is the verse that says with God who can harm us. Not it exactly but you know what I mean.

    Love you,
    3808 days ago
    I think it's time for your husband to stand up to his mother. When she is the cause of stress for you, he needs to put an end to it by telling her to butt out.

    As for her visiting without his being there, just ask her to hold off on her visit until her son is available to be there.

    Any family member who is so negative is not a healthy influence and needs to understand that they will not be part of your or your child's life until they decide to keep their opinions to his/herself. How do I know this, a FIL. I don't stop my husband from seeing his dad, but I opt to see him very rarely, and I have given my kids the same option.

    Yes, you can turn the other cheek, but sooner or later you run out of cheeks. Stand up for yourself and your family, it's the healthy thing to do.

    3808 days ago
    I know how frustrating this can be. I think you, yourself, said it best when you said you do this for God and he will bless you and your family according to his plan. That is what I say.
    3808 days ago
    I don't have that issue, it used to my husbands MIL that would "offer advice".... Having said that, I would talk to your husband, give him the opportunity to nip this in the butt. If he refuses, you do have the right to sit her down and talk to her, if that does not work call your pastor or his wife, have them tell her to mind her own business in a polite way. Trust me this will not go away on it's own. We had to stop my mom in her tracks a couple of times, and it was not pretty, but that is because we did not stop it early on. Just my 2 cents.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3808 days ago
  • LEAKAY59
    Christina, what remains of my family is falling apart right now, and it seems that I am the "evil focus" of everything, because I choose to stand my ground and not be bullied, with the help of my DH. I truly sympathize with you, but urge you to do the same, stand your ground with the help of your DH, her son, who can help cushion the blows. I pray for you and your family, and ask you to please do the same for mine.
    3808 days ago
  • JUNEBUG150
    I feel bad for you, but as SEEMAINE said, it will pass. Keep asking God for wisdom and strength, He doesn't give it to us until we need it but He will! Praying for you. emoticon emoticon
    3808 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3598327
    Sweetie - I know exactly your feelings - I've been there. It's hard and tough but this too shall pass! My prayers will be with you that this is a blessing for you instead of frustration. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3808 days ago
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