Bad News from Home
Saturday, July 09, 2011
Today I got an email from my uncle. My mum (who's only 66 and has dementia and lives in a care home in England) has been taken to hospital with water on her lungs and is on oxygen. I hope she's comfortable and that we get better news soon... It really makes me realise that I have to work at my health. If I am in the same position as my mum at 66, the girls will still be in their 20s or early 30s.... I want to be there for them.
I've started my clean eating... this morning I had my old breakfast though - but that's not bad, kashi cereal with flax seed and hemp hearts added with almond milk and a couple of raisins thrown in.
For an early lunch I had cold brown rice (I cooked extra yesterday) with some grilled turkey and some spinach salad, with tomatoes a little dressing (not totally eat clean but not bad) and almonds and tomatoes. It wasn't half bad! It's kept me comfortable for a while.
After I heard about my mum I did eat a Skinny Cow ice cream though... definitely not clean eating. But I do need to get them all eaten ;o)
Being this far away from mum brings on the guilt big time. It's hard - there is no way we could move back to England even if we wanted to, which we definitely don't want to do. I feel incredibly guilty that she is there, in the hospital and I am not able to go to see her. However, she would probably not know me or remember my visit even moments afterwards. The care home is wonderful and the staff are all very caring. In the hospital, she is in safe hands. She is being looked after. Her brothers and her mum are in the same part of England so they can visit her. My poor grandmother who is in her mid 80s has to visit her daughter in an old people's home... and her daughter usually doesn't recognise her.
Guilt doesn't work too well with clean eating unfortunately - especially when things need clearing from the cupboards and I've just eaten a cinnamon roll - telling myself that it needs to be out of the kitchen. However, I will be more focussed tomorrow - and I mean it. I am going to bake some of Tosca's biscotti and some other healthy and clean bits and pieces for our lunches next week at work and day care. Slowly I will rid the cupboards of crackers and other non-clean lunch items and hopefully transition the girls away from this kind of food and towards a cleaner and healthier life.
I'm hoping to get a longer run training session in tomorrow - it's only 5 weeks until the half marathon. I will try my interval app rather than the C25K app and see how I go. I'm not sure where I'll go but hopefully I'll find somewhere flat. My friend who is signed up for the half as well had a bicycle accident this week and has injured herself. I'm not sure whether this will impact her doing the half... Hopefully we'll get to catch up properly tomorrow or early in the week.
I have my fingers crossed for my mum... I hope she's improving.