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Harassment, Why Is There So Much Harassment To All Of Us Who Are Trying To Get Healthy

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Hi there my lovely Sparkling friends!!!

I have been sleeping since I came back from the aqua aerobics in the YMCA. I was very hungry when I finished the exercise session, I just wanted to eat and I was shaking, like if my sugar was down. So I could wait to get home, I stopped at Churches and had 1 drumstick, 2 wings, 1 macaroni salad, 1 - 22 ounces diet coke and an apple pie. While driving back to my home, I got an small package of small Grandma's sandwich cookies and I ate the whole thing, so my sugar free days, ended up today.

When I got home I felt very tired and sleepy, so I went to my room and laid down in my bed and fell soundly asleep. At 5:00 pm, when I woke up, I was so off that I did not even wanted to get off bed to fix dinner. Well I laid there for another 30 minutes, suddenly a thought and a feeling came to mind. I remembered my moms words at the pool, today. I was having a cup of coffee and she said, "I had been looking at you lately, and you look bigger, your tummy does not fit in those pants and you look like an airship, lately. Look at your arms they are bigger than a boxing man. I felt just so bad, but did not know what to say, so I just said well maybe, I will see on Thursday when I will be weight at the Obesity Specialist. But now I can understand why I was so hungry, and so shaky. Now I can see why I ordered an apple pie, and I decided to ate those cookies.

As some of you know I restarted this journey 3 weeks ago with the help and the counseling of an obesity specialist. I am doing the new food plan to the best of my abilities and the budget for food, and I could not exercise last week cause I was so sick, but I know I am doing much, much better.

I am sorry I am dumping all this on you, and that I have talked about the issues with my mom before, but I am so sad and so disappointed. She knows I am working very hard on this, but it seems that there is nothing that will please her, no matter how had I work and how hard I try to show her I am changing, it is not enough. I weigh myself the first week and was down 5.5 pounds, but then the doctor, that has a webpage to monitor us asked me not to weigh myself again, until next appointment cause the TANITA Scale will let us know the % of fat that I loose, the % of my weight that is water, the % that is muscle and we will be able to evaluate my progress, make changes and keep improving my health, and he does not want me discourage that day when we will discuss the results of my 3 weeks effort, so I stopped weighing myself until next Thursday. So I could not defend myself from her hurtful comments today. Right now I feel so helpless that I need to vent and let it out here and hear your comments and advices on how can I get up from this situation.

Thank you for reading and commenting I really appreciate and value the friendship every one of you offer me. Looking forward to your comments and advices, have a Good Night and see you all soon.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am not sure why your mother is choosing to relate to you in that way. Many times it is out of love and people don't know any other way to show it. You are working at this and trying to help yourself and that is all you can do. You cannot change your mom but you can change the way you react to her. Maybe some therapy would be good so you can find a way to protect yourself from her criticism!
    3310 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2092681
    Instead of trying to do things to win her approval (which you probably never will--I never won my dad's approval), just do this for yourself. When she says you are looking bigger, tell her you are building muscle instead of fat and in a few weeks you will look much slimmer. Is she overweight? Maybe she is afraid that you will succeed where she hasn't. Don't let her control your weight. Tell her your weight is your business and not hers.

    When my husband was alive, he wan't supportive at all of my healthy endeavors. He was one of the biggest saboteurs with me being right there beside him and allowing him to do it since I didn't want to deal with the discord. He has been gone 7 years and I am still having problems staying on track. What I'm getting at is these thing will have long term effects so it's best to get your feeling out in the open and this is a safe place until you have the strength to confront your mother.

    God be with you, comfort you, and give you daily strength......Elsie
    3344 days ago
    All your Spark friends are here for you Carmen! I will keep you in my prayers.

    Hugs, Wendy
    3407 days ago
    I'm emoticon Carmen... All I could say is, "Give it to God". You know your Mom loves you in her crazy mixed up way! Is hard as it may be to do, maybe you need to steer clear of her for awhile.
    Stay strong in the Lord!
    The joy of the Lord is your strength!
    3436 days ago
    Listen to your doctor! This will help you more then anything. Feel free to write blogs, like this if this is what you need to do to get it off your mind. Were here for you!

    3439 days ago
    I am right there with you. My mom thinks she is supportive and helpful when she says things like that to me. For years I just took it, and cried once I was away from her. I have to say I love my mom, because she is my mom, but i have never respected her. She told me(at age 8) if abortions had been legal when she got pregnant with me, I wouldn't be here. She has humiliated me in public by asking in a group of strangers the last time I saw my "privates". When I was looking at a wedding dress that was crocheted she told me there wasn't enough yarn to make one in my size. So I get it. It took a mental break down, and me ending up in a mental hospital before I could finally stand up to my mom.
    Guess what, she doesn't get it. BUT, I can now say to her, that hurts my feelings, and I don't want you to say things like that because it discourages me. I know what I am doing is for me, and me alone, and you need to remember that too. People are cruel. That's why us good ones have Spark!!!
    3440 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11848595
    My family does not understand or support me either. I don't know what I would do without my husband and son's support.

    I had my sleeve in Jan and it has taken me this long to figure out the key, tracking my intake and planning my meals. It has really helped me alot.

    I am so very sorry for what you have to put up with. I put up with my mother's critisism until the past couple of months and finally opened up and fought back, at the age of 59, can you imagaine it took me that long to stand up for mysefl with her. Well, we no longer have a relationship and I have found peace with this because I would rather have it this way then to keep being involved in all the drama she causes. I love her, but this is my life now and I am going to live it as I see fit come hell or high water.

    Best wishes to you and lots of ((((((HUGS))))))

    Do what works for YOU!!!!
    3440 days ago
    emoticon I could cry for you because I know how incredibly it hurts when family is not understanding of the physical issues you deal with. emoticon emoticon instead I will be praying that you have the strength to turn yourself around inorder to benefit yourself. emoticon
    3440 days ago
    You need to do this for yourself, and not your mother.

    Your mother may think she's helping to motivate you. She may fear she is losing control over you. None of that affects your own self worth.

    You are a wonderful person and inspiring to us all. I love that you do water aerobics and as soon as I retire (hopefully this summer) and plan to sign up for a class.
    3440 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9739508
    God bless you.

    I'm sorry you had to experience that.

    Be blessed,

    an> emoticon

    3440 days ago
    Oh wow! Family can be so cruel!!! 5.5 lbs, that's wonderful. Hold onto that, not to what others say. You are getting healthier and the weight will come off, but remember it takes time. Do this for yourself, not for your mother. Hang in there, we're with you!
    3440 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11815044
    My mother told me when I was ********** 8 ************ years old that I should have "Goodyear" tattooed on my stomach and be flown over our stadium...and I wasn't even "that" fat (like maybe 10 lbs total) !! Mothers don't realize how incredibly HARSH they can be!!!!!! I can tell you, if you let that voice of hers in, you're going to binge more. You are trying, you are doing.......let the rest fall where it may. Unfortunately nearly all of us respond to this harassment, as you put it, by eating. Don't let it derail you!!! You're making had just come out of the pool from aerobics!!!! That shows you are working toward bettering yourself. Keep your chin up hon!

    P.S. I know that my mother wouldn't respond to me pointing out what she said that was hurtful -she had just said "I'm trying to motivate you" and the comments got harsher when I did bring it up with her. My opinion (for what it's worth) was to keep my head focused, my eyes forward and prove her wrong. Make her eat those acidic words when you emerge healthy, happy and even more radiant!
    3441 days ago
    Wow...she sounds blunt like my mom:(

    Remind yourself to keep going on this journey for you...and only you :)

    3441 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/29/2012 2:33:47 AM
  • JAMER123
    Carmen, the one that matter is you and only you. YOU are working to get yourself healthy. YOU are the one taking the "bull by the horns" and moving on. To have no close support it VERY difficult but I hope the Specialist can help you through this. My DIL has a family that is not there for her and she has had to learn how to let go and keep her health through counseling. YOU CAN DO IT and we will be here for you anytime you need to blow off steam. I am so sorry for your situation & understand.
    ((((HUGS)))) from the community too
    3441 days ago
    OMG your husband AND your Mom are not supportive to you?! This just sucks!
    I can't imagine someone's Mom saying something so hurtful! Does she think you are not actually trying to do something about it and just trying to get you going to start? Geez!

    When I did water aerobics I used to get SOOO HUNGRY! I would come home famished and eat anything I could grab ASAP! I used to have to bring an apple and a Fiber Plus granola bar in the car just to make it home and get a healthier meal. Something about that activity really did it to me. Plus you need to replenish water you sweat out even if you aren't aware you're sweating, so you need to drink a lot of water after. You can pick healthier foods after working out, but I know it's so hard when you are really hungry! Plan for it by packing something to have on the way back or choosing a healthier fast food option - Subway or other sandwich shop, maybe?
    3441 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11033425
    Wonder what's really bugging your Mom, so sad for her.

    FOR YOU - LOVE YOURSELF FIRST - LOOK AFTER YOU. I'm really impressed that you are seeing a specialist - great move!

    By the way this is a great place to "dump things". Go ahead and rant away!
    3441 days ago
    They said not to weight yourself but they did not say you could not measure yourself and that you can do because it will also tell you that you lost weight. Plus you can go by how your clothes feel on your body. emoticon
    3441 days ago
    I've read you blog and the many comments and can't imagine a mother being so mean. I never went through that and would never put my kids through something like that. Hold your head up high. I always told my kids that if you didn't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Maybe you could try that on your mom.

    3441 days ago
    emoticon to you!
    3441 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10088209
    My mom said something negative and hurtful to me a couple of weeks ago. I said to her, "I feel like you are throwing darts at me." She got the picture. She was surprised because she does not want to come off as such a cruel person. But she was hurting me with her words.
    Take care of yourself because You are worth it and for no other reason! emoticon emoticon
    3441 days ago
    There simply are some criticisms and battles not worth our attention. Joel Osteen gave a program a few Sundays ago on the people and things we should IGNORE. You can (in as kind a way as possible) let your mother know that such comments hurt you, but realize you likely will not affect the change you would like to see in her actions. Do not lose your power to anyone. Stand your ground with a positive conviction to healthy living with a good foundation built on a living faith. Do pray for your mother. This makes you righteous and loved in God’s eyes and this is the Number One relationship we should be right with and continually develop.
    3441 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8117576
    Carmen, a friend said something not-so-nice to me today as well, and I'll tell you how I handled it. I didn't even plan just came out. She said my face looked very fat. Well, *is* fat...because *I'm* still fat...but I think I'm aware of it and don't need her pointing it out. LOL! So I simply said, "And you're such a pretty woman, but when you say things like that, you become so terribly ugly." She paused a moment to take what I said in, and then she apologized, and we moved past it. Maybe point out to your Mom that you love her or you love how beautiful she is, but that her hurtful comments are affecting how you view her? Would that work with your Mom, do you think?
    3441 days ago
    ((((HUGS)))) Carmen emoticon
    3441 days ago
    Congrats on your weight loss.

    I have a very critical mother too. It's hard especially when she has conquered her weight loss issues and is in the best shape ever. She makes comments like "I have some clothes that are way too big for me, you can have them." It's like we don't have feelings.

    Sorry to hear you're going through this, but you are headed in the right direction. I just took a fitness class with a personal trainer and she stressed the importance of burning fat, not focusing so much on the weight because the weight could be water, muscle or bone.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3441 days ago
  • KERRYG155
    My mother is good at making bad comments, too. We can't tell them what we really want to but we can prove them wrong. My problem-my mother told me it wouldn't last and I proved her right but now I really want to prove her wrong again. I stop myself from stopping on the way home by keeping my purse in the trunk but I will also take a protein bar with me just in case I get the urge. Good luck on your weigh-in. Wish I had a counselor to talk things over with.
    3441 days ago
    Try not to worry about your mom's behavior. She is responsible for it, not you!! You are doing well and all of us are so very proud of you. We are here for you whenever you need someone to listen.
    3441 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    If I may gently suggest, I think you should tell your mother that you have decided that the topic of your body and your eating is off limits to both of you when you are together. You will not complain about your weight, nor food, nor anything else about this whole topic. You will not ask her opinion about your appearance. This will probably be a sacrifice for you as well as her. You cannot criticize her on these issues, either. Families and women in general get very used to this kind of talk, but it is entirely up to you if this is acceptable or not. Can you believe that I have friends who say they would never dream of criticizing a sibling for what he or she eats or how heavy he/she is? It's none of their business! However, if someone asks, that is different. If they ask, they'd better be ready for the truth. But it can be interesting to find new topics of conversation.
    3441 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8603687
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Sorry you had to endear this,how sad.I hope your Mom will become more supportive.I believe it would make a Huge difference with your goals.You should tell her how you feel! emoticon Diana
    3441 days ago
  • PUNKIN77
    Oh my... sometimes people can be so judgmental and it hurts even more when it's from somebody we love and care about.

    Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we should be making these changes for US to be proud of OURSELVES. I can only speculate why she made those comments - maybe she DOES see a change in you (even if it's not physical just yet) and she's worried that it will change your relationship. And maybe it will.

    YOU should be proud of YOU and all that you are accomplishing: even if it's just ONE thing a day. Yeah, there was a stumble with the binge. I've been there too (last week actually). Food has been my comfort and main support for such a long time, it's not an easy habit to break. Give yourself credit for recognizing what triggered it. Now you can make a plan for next time.

    You are wonderful. You are beautiful.
    3441 days ago
  • no profile photo CD557571
    emoticon Carmen. I feel so bad that this happened.

    Your mom isn't providing you with any support or motivation. I'm so glad you have this SP site to give you that and more. It does sound like you had a sugar crash, and this made you fall asleep when you got home. You may need to have a snack before heading to the pool, to prevent that shaky feeling from happening again in the future. It may not just be because of your mom's words, but because you are working your muscles.

    We are actually talking about that a bit in class this week. Come and join us if you can, and share this experience.
    3441 days ago
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