Out of the Wilderness
Saturday, June 09, 2012
I feel like I've been lost in the wilderness for the past year. I wandered into the deep dark woods on the day my brother died and couldn't find my way out. I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and covered my pain with food. I foolishly regained every ounce I had lost and them some more on top of it. And why? Because my brother died? Because I was in emotional pain? Because I was just plain lazy?
Because, because, because. Because is the birthplace of excuses. It allows us to rationalize why we are the way we are and therefore it can't be our fault. Well guess what - the pain of losing my brother didn't make me gain weight - my own negative self-talk following his death got me back into the negative mode that I have used as a life-pattern for decades.
No more "Because" - there is only moving forward - taking responsibility for myself and my life. I want health and a long life. I want time to see my son married and a father. I want to get to our 50th, 60th, maybe 70th wedding anniversary. These are things that I truly want for me and things that I will have to work for.
"Because" is being removed from the lexicon of my life. I'm overweight and unhealtlhy. I can change that! I have the ability to make the necessary changes in my life that will move me down the path that I desire and deserve. No one can take it away from me - if I fail it will be "BECAUSE" I gave it away.