All in... or all out
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
I've been thinking a lot this past week about what I'm doing and my so called weight-loss journey. [and let me just say how viciously I hate that term, but find myself using it anyway. Surely there's a better way to say it. Maybe just flat out my attempt to get not fat]. It boils down to all in or all out.
I've been trying this baby step thing this month, and it's not working. I set 3 basic easy goals for myself thinking that I could get those down and move on to 3 more next month. Fact is though, I'm not a baby step person. I don't put my toe in the water, I go to the deep-end and dive in head first. This is true in the pool and it's true in my life. There is no inching my way into anything, I'm just not made that way. Some people can do it one step at a time and I applaud them. I would love to have a methodical, rational, reasonable approach like that, but I just don't. I could give a bunch of examples from my life, but then I'll be all over the place so you'll just have to trust me. In so many ways for me it's all or nothing.
That, of course, leads me to the big question on my mind tonight. Which is it going to be? All? or Nothing? Unfortunately I'd have to say that I'm a bit of a veteran of this get not fat thing. When I look at the times I was successful, I was all in. Weighing & measuring & tracking every bite, staying in my calorie ranges almost every day and exercising 5-6 days a week. Sometimes I was active here on Spark, sometimes I was just using the trackers and not talking to anyone. When I look at the times when I've been moderately successful (like maintaining or slow gaining) those are the times that I've been focused on other things in my life and not thinking about food. Then I look at the times when I've been the most unsuccessful (like now) and those are the times when I'm half-in. I'm thinking about my weight enough to consciously know that I'm making bad choices but not enough to stop making them.
So now it's crunch time. All in, or all out. Either I throw myself into this whole- heartedly or I stop and focus on other things. I've made some good friends here, and I certainly don't want to give that up, but if I'm not using the tools available to me then I'm just wasting my time and that of my friends.
I've got some thinking to do. I've got to decide if I'm in or out. I want to be in, but that means an awful lot of sacrifices on my part [let's not pretend that a true attempt to get not fat doesn't mean sacrificing something] and I'm not sure I'm up for that. Following recipes (not just throwing stuff in a pan), entering recipes in the calculator, not sharing a cookie with the little guy, eating what I've planned even when they have cinnamon rolls at work, the time involved in honest tracking.
Geesh - it's like a full time job and I've already got two of those (teacher and mom).
so.... for tonight - bed and try to get rid of the last of this cold, and the rest of this week decide if I can truly commit the way I need to.
Thanks for listening.