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All in... or all out

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I've been thinking a lot this past week about what I'm doing and my so called weight-loss journey. [and let me just say how viciously I hate that term, but find myself using it anyway. Surely there's a better way to say it. Maybe just flat out my attempt to get not fat]. It boils down to all in or all out.

I've been trying this baby step thing this month, and it's not working. I set 3 basic easy goals for myself thinking that I could get those down and move on to 3 more next month. Fact is though, I'm not a baby step person. I don't put my toe in the water, I go to the deep-end and dive in head first. This is true in the pool and it's true in my life. There is no inching my way into anything, I'm just not made that way. Some people can do it one step at a time and I applaud them. I would love to have a methodical, rational, reasonable approach like that, but I just don't. I could give a bunch of examples from my life, but then I'll be all over the place so you'll just have to trust me. In so many ways for me it's all or nothing.

That, of course, leads me to the big question on my mind tonight. Which is it going to be? All? or Nothing? Unfortunately I'd have to say that I'm a bit of a veteran of this get not fat thing. When I look at the times I was successful, I was all in. Weighing & measuring & tracking every bite, staying in my calorie ranges almost every day and exercising 5-6 days a week. Sometimes I was active here on Spark, sometimes I was just using the trackers and not talking to anyone. When I look at the times when I've been moderately successful (like maintaining or slow gaining) those are the times that I've been focused on other things in my life and not thinking about food. Then I look at the times when I've been the most unsuccessful (like now) and those are the times when I'm half-in. I'm thinking about my weight enough to consciously know that I'm making bad choices but not enough to stop making them.

So now it's crunch time. All in, or all out. Either I throw myself into this whole- heartedly or I stop and focus on other things. I've made some good friends here, and I certainly don't want to give that up, but if I'm not using the tools available to me then I'm just wasting my time and that of my friends.

I've got some thinking to do. I've got to decide if I'm in or out. I want to be in, but that means an awful lot of sacrifices on my part [let's not pretend that a true attempt to get not fat doesn't mean sacrificing something] and I'm not sure I'm up for that. Following recipes (not just throwing stuff in a pan), entering recipes in the calculator, not sharing a cookie with the little guy, eating what I've planned even when they have cinnamon rolls at work, the time involved in honest tracking.
Geesh - it's like a full time job and I've already got two of those (teacher and mom).

so.... for tonight - bed and try to get rid of the last of this cold, and the rest of this week decide if I can truly commit the way I need to.

Thanks for listening.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sleep well and I hope the rest of your cold goes away. I admired your honesty and thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think you should dive in.
    3110 days ago
    I think a lot of people are like you, i.e. all in or all out. I think many of us are thinking the same thing but aren't saying it. However, I have learned when it comes to exercise I can just start doing 100 minutes of exercise if I've only been doing say 10 minutes of exercise here and there. Instead I'll focus on doing more the day before or the week before. I hope you decide to stay and decide that you are worth the effort because all of your friends think you are!

    3110 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12910673
    I hear you!! I'm the same! This week I'm able to focus on the program, but so often life gets in the way. I really don't want to balloon, though, and I love to eat and read or knit on the couch. My solution? "Never, never, never, never, never give up!" (Winston Churchill) If you don't keep at it now in some fashion, you'll be starting all over again in another 10 or 20 pounds. Yuck!!
    3110 days ago
    Wow - are you like in my head since Christmas! I'm just like you - 100% or 0%, can't do things in the middle. I know you can do this, just like I CAN. We both just need to decide.

    I hope you decide you are worth it. I really think you are.
    3110 days ago
  • LYNCHD05
    I admire you for talking about this. So many of us are at times where you are right now and need to assess where they are and decide what they really want.
    I,like this thought that someone posted...

    3111 days ago
    I hear ya. I know exactly what you mean. I only really see successes on this journey when I'm making it a HUGE part of my life - I can feel it every day in my body the workouts. I can feel how nutrition is affecting me. it's not a matter of eating well 80% of the time for me. It's planning every days meals ahead of time, making them, and sticking to them. It's making fitness a ritual, and not giving in to temptations or excuses to not do it, even if that temptation is -40C with a windchill outside...

    Yes, I can take some things in babysteps. Like water. I can't go from 0-100 in one shot. My kidneys would not handle that. Instead, I focus on doing more water than I did yesterday and slowly building on that. And being happy if I've met the minimum I tried for that day.

    But generally, if my only goal for that week is 8 glasses of water a day, I'm not going to be able to do it. It's not enough to see results, so why bother? that's how my mind goes at it anyhow.

    Anyhow, I hope you have a good nights sleep. Maybe things will look more clear in the morning.
    3111 days ago
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