Frustrated, exhausted, confused and feel so defeated.....
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Last night I broke my record on my elliptical. I ran a 10K and I ran it continuously. It took me 1 hr 52 minutes.
I woke up this morning and I had gained lbs from yesterday's weight.
This month is the hardest I have EVER worked IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
I have tracked EVERYTHING. I have earned 2473 fitness minutes this month. That is more than DOUBLE what I earned the last 5 months of this year so far combined!
I earned 718 fitness minutes JUST THIS WEEK!!!!!!!
Last Sat. my weigh in was 203. Today it is 204.6.
On June 1st I weighed 208.
So in an entire month, a month that I have worked out an average of average of 108 minutes a day, 23 days out of the month. I only took 5 days off. so On the 23 days I worked out my daily average was 106 minutes.
That is almost 2 hours a day!
I have done EVERYTHING I was supposed too. I tracked. I drank my water. I warmed up. I stretched. I got plenty of sleep. I took my vitamins. I upped my protein. The first part of the month I was barely losing but I was too afraid to up my calories to make up for the increased exercise.
Spark kept yelling at me in red font to eat more.
So for the last 2 weeks I have eaten in range. Even when I could have skipped a meal I made sure to not eat below my minimum calories.
Yet, still here I am, feeling as fat as ever, and all I have to show for my hard work is a house that has barely been packed because I have made weight loss my priority, and all I have to show for those 2473 fitness minutes is a net loss of 3.4 lbs.
In 29 freaking days!
I am so freakin mad right now.
I have lost more weight not even working out at all.
It is devastating to me to put so much time and energy into losing weight and to see minimum results.
It sucks to do everything right and feel like it was all for nothing.
I am sorry to be a downer but I just feel like I have wasted my time.
I get married in 2 weeks from today and I just wanted to be the most beautiful bride and I was so sure I could be down to 191 and out of obesity and now it looks like I won't even be in ONEderland when I get married.
I have cried 3 different times this morning.
I don't know what to do.
I can't stand this.
I will be honest. At this point I just feel like instead of busting my butt working out all the time and eating the ridiculously high amount of minimum calories Spark tells me to (which would be 1760 caloires...my high end is 2110....now can you see why I did not want to eat my minimum calories the first part of the month?) I should just stop working out all together except to do my 20 minute Jillian DVD every day so I won't lose my streaker status for BLC, and then just go eat 1200 calories.
That way I can use my fitness minutes to get my house packed up and ready for my move in 2 weeks.
I know in my heart I don't want to stop working out because it makes me feel so good about myself. Such a feeling of accomplishment.
But have made so many sacrifices to workout this much and to see such minimal rewards for my efforts is heartbreaking.
Working out like a dog for an entire month and losing virtually no weight at all is just the most defeating thing in the world.
I feel lost right now.
I took my measurements hoping they would tell a different story than the scale but all I have lost is 1 inch in my belly and 1 in my hips. Again, very minimal results for how hard I have worked.
Any words of advice, hope, inspiration, or encouragement would be appreciated more than you could possibly know.
All I can think of, is how much progress I could have made on getting my house ready for the big move in 2 weeks if I had of spent the 41 hours I spent working out this month on packing up my belongings instead.
That is so much time, that quite honestly I just feel like I squandered.