Monday, May 28, 2007
I never realized how bad it was with me until all the tracking and soul searching that is done on SP.
My step dad was told he had 6 months to live, that was 2 months ago and he is obviously winding down. We have a family reuinion in New Orleans in 2 weeks to ....well....to say good bye. He lives close so I have been dealing with it on a daily basis, my mom is a mess! Then yesterday my brother, who has a genetic disease that effects how he walks and his bones, fell and shattered his leg. He went into emergency surgery and had pins and rods placed in it. This is less than a year after surgery on the other leg that messed up his foot. I couldn't get there because I was working this weekend and we just do not have the money, plus I have been saving my time off for the goodbye reunion and for visiting my son in Korea at the end of June.
My brother and I have always been very close. I didn't know what to do with myself. But I did know that eating something I had not had in a while would give me a little boost. I fought it, I really did. But when my hubby suggested going out to eat....So we went out for pizza and brought home snacks.
I didn't binge like I have seen on TV where the lady is grabbing handfuls of things and stuffing them in her mouth uncontrollably, consuming massive amounts in a matter of minutes. I didn't do that. What I did was to always be eating something the rest of the night, right up until I went to bed!
For me admitting that is a step towards healing. In the past I would not even think about it to myself, I knew I would do day long binges like that but would not keep that memory or acknowlege it in any way. No way would I let anyone else know. It is a shameful piece of my life for me.
This week my plan is to read up on the emotional eating aspect and how to stop that cycle, cause for me it is a cycle and the stressful times are not over, for me they will carry on all summer I am sure and will get worse. I need a plan, but more than a plan I need an internal shift.
That is what I am hoping for this week, the beginning of an internal shoft towards being able to control my emotional eatiing.