Back on the horse again, after my hardest and farthest fall EVER....

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Saturday, November 01, 2014

So after totally derailing my running and weight loss efforts, I had to take a long hard look at myself. It has been very humbling (and expensive) having to continuously buy bigger clothes. I have had a lot of hardships and disappointment as of late, such as my upcoming divorce and the recent loss of my job. I used these as an excuse to succumb to the comfort of food and drown my misery in TV and nacho cheese. My newest set of bigger clothes were starting to get tight. It was either buy more clothes one size bigger, or start losing weight again, so I can fit in the ones I have now. I cannot afford to do that financially, emotionally, or mentally. So.......

I took my measurements for the first time since I hit my 100 lbs. weight lost milestone in April. It wasn't pretty. To say I felt defeated is an understatement. I figured I had hit a crossroads in my life. It took me 4 years to lose a 100 lbs. and I gained back half that amount in 6 months. I had a choice to make. I could just say "F" it, and figure I have gone past the point of no return, or I could get back on the horse. This is the farthest I have fallen in my weight loss journey in the 4 years I have been on it. The horse seemed to be 1000 ft. tall, and I needed to climb one hell of a ladder to get back on. I did get back on though. This is only day 1 back on the horse, but it is a start.

I put on my spandex and toe socks. I put on my ankle brace socks and my Cho Pat knee brace. I put on my Saucony running shoes, and I got on the treadmill (after removing the shirt I had laid on top of it to dry, because that is what my treadmill had become these last several months.....just another drying rack). I could not even run a mile. I had to stop at .72 miles. This from the woman who ran half a marathon less than a year ago. Then I got on the elliptical and ran 1 mile, since I couldn't run anymore, but wanted to still burn more calories.

Between the 2 activities, it was one of the hardest workouts of my life. As I went to enter my 2 activities into runkeeper, feeling embarrassed and ashamed, I realized that today's workout brought me to total of 1000 miles completed between elliptical and running for the year of 2014. After my least successful workout EVER, I hit one of the biggest milestones in my entire life. I take it as a sign. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. While I did derail the train, I got it back onto the track before it crashed. For that I am grateful. Tomorrow's workout will be better. The best thing about finally making the decision to workout today, is that the chances are a whole lot more likely, that there will be a workout tomorrow.

At the end of the day, I have to tell myself, that even harder than the .72 mile run, taking my measurements, and taking ownership of how far I had fallen, was harder. Now that I have done so, I know I am on my way, back to smaller clothes, and a more forgiving weight on the scale.

Forgive the rant, but part of taking ownership of how far one has fallen, actually accepting it, and preparing to make a change, is to share it with others. Thank you for reading.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AMBER461
    I guess by now you have lost that 50 lbs. and doing better.
    2108 days ago
    Been there Done that
    One day at a time
    God Bless
    emoticon emoticon
    2282 days ago
    Beautiful blg
    2287 days ago
  • no profile photo GRAMPIAN
    You have the emoticon right attitude.
    2331 days ago
    Wow you write with so much emotion. This was a good blog and I am glad I read it. I have had a lot of moments like this and It is good to know you have found your determination again.
    2367 days ago
  • DEE797
    You are dealing with a lot of things right now. But you have taken that first step towards better health for yourself. YOU GO GIRL!! Wishing you all the best on your journey! emoticon
    2402 days ago
    Right attitude
    2414 days ago
    I'm sorry you're going through the emotional stuff--especially at this time of year that is supposed to get our focus on our blessings and a joyful season. However, I am very grateful for your perspective and willingness to share about backsliding and coming back. I wish you well on your journey.
    2433 days ago
    So sorry to hear about all the hardships you've experienced but emoticon on getting back in gear. You've taken 1 step up that 1000 foot ladder and that's how the journey starts so emoticon I KNOW how it feels to have to lose the "same" weight all over again but just think about it this way, you're more prepared and more experienced this time around. You'll soon get back to where you were and even surpass it. emoticon emoticon
    2447 days ago
    You really are dealing with such a lot. I am so glad you got back on track now. I know it will get easier as you go along. emoticon
    2447 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2449 days ago
    As always, you ARE awesome!!!!!
    2450 days ago
    You have been on my mind hope your doing well. I am here today it's a good place to be. You can do this. We can do this! One step at a time😊
    2451 days ago
    The important thing is that you got back on that treadmill. You haven't given up. You haven't quit. Yes, you took a break--but sometimes we need to allow ourselves to be selfish and "wallow" in life's difficulties. Perhaps your break was longer than you wanted--but you're back. Focus on being back and moving forward.

    Good luck to you! PS---thank you for your rant, I can relate on many levels and I appreciate the honesty and how hard it is to face up to things.
    2451 days ago
  • FITNIK2020
    Divorce is bad enough but a job loss too. Seems to me you are showing a lot of strength despite knee and ankle woes to boot. No way you cannot see this as a victory won and you have more hurdles than most...
    2453 days ago
    I wish you much success on your rise to the top!
    2454 days ago
    Good on you for getting back in the game! I feel for you, since I also have found I've put some of the weight back on that I worked so hard to get OFF. But instead of giving up, we're both going to make the necessary changes to get back to where we want to be again.

    2454 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15038147
    You will be successful.
    2454 days ago
    You can do it! Great job for being honest with yourself and pushing yourself! emoticon
    2455 days ago
    You have given me the encouragement I have needed to get back in the game. Been eating terrible and no exercise. Gaining weight yikes! Why? I am not sure but it stops today. Thanks for your honesty it helped me with my own truth.
    2455 days ago
    You got this girl, statistically speaking you are more likely to succeed having been on the right path (even though you got off it)- start small and look ahead
    2455 days ago
    I am on Day #2 of getting back on the horse after gaining back half the weight I previously lost. Indeed it makes one feel defeated knowing how much hard work and dedication went in to losing that weight that was gone but now back. It definitely is was EASIER (and funner) putting on weight than it is taking it off especially when life throws you a curve ball or several...sigh! I am not one who enjoys exercise AT ALL, so at this time I am concentrating strictly on what goes into my body for fuel and I purchased a tracker to make sure I get at least 10,000 steps in! I will gradually add exercise. The up side is I know I can do it and I know how to do it as I have done it before. I also know this is a horrible feeling to have to repeat so I have learned a valuable lesson too! I wish you success in your journey.
    2455 days ago
  • TERRYT55
    Shelby.......this must have been the hardest blog to write. Thank you for sharing. I've had a miserable year, falling a little farther everyday. Blogs like yours make me believe I can climb back on the wagon and find the right path again. Thank you

    Congrats on finding your way back
    2455 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13939073
    emoticon and emoticon for getting back on that horse! Giddyup!
    2456 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12934695
    Thank you so much for sharing! Right now I am looking for others who have fallen and are ready to get going again. I am here yet again and want desperately to succeed. When I see someone else struggling with the same issues, it makes me feel less alone in my struggle.
    2456 days ago
    Glad you're back. I too fell off late last year and didn't get back on until joining a Dietbet in June of this year. It was scary, losing control, and I feel so much better to be back in charge of my food choices. It never ends, does it? We need constant vigilance and have to work hard every single moment of our lives to maintain a weight loss. It is the hardest job I have ever had and I slipped too. It's good to know, we can always start over and to remember nobody is perfect. Perfection is just an ideal we can strive towards, knowing we can never achieve it. And even if we have to be completely obsessed about our food and exercise choices for the rest of our lives, it's worth it! I have lost 31 of those 32 pounds I regained and once again I feel good about myself. It's sad how a regain can make us feel ashamed, humiliated, embarrassed, and lose all that self-confidence we gained by losing weight. I'm glad you have owned up to your own slip and are ready to throw yourself back into this on-going battle we are all fighting. Good luck with your journey.
    2456 days ago
    You seriously have this Shelby! You're a tough momma and woman! You're an inspiration to us all! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    You're emoticon

    2456 days ago
  • TALA9431
    We've all fallen off. This isn't your first or last rodeo! Lot's of hugs and big GOOD game!
    2457 days ago
    You got this!
    emoticon emoticon
    2457 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13428562
    You rock!!
    2458 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13202979
    2458 days ago
  • DIAMOND102
    emoticon on getting back on track. emoticon emoticon
    2459 days ago
    its hard when you are going through so much but you've turned it all around way to go. it will get easier from here . hugs
    2459 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2459 days ago
    2459 days ago
    Keep checking in here and it will help you stay honest with yourself. We all understand, but we want you to reach your goals! emoticon emoticon
    2460 days ago
    emoticon You have your attitude back and taken the first steps! Remember baby steps and build from there. We're always here for you! emoticon
    2460 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2460 days ago
    You are not alone. I've been going thru tough time in my life as well and I've fallen on my maintenance with all kinds of excuse. But You've game me a hope for me to get back on truck. Thanks again. Let's get back on the horse. emoticon emoticon
    2460 days ago
  • no profile photo JSEATTLE
    You have done well to face your achievements as well as your failures, which makes you just like all of us, and it makes you a human being. You will do it again and here we go!!
    2460 days ago
    2460 days ago
    That was a very positive blog - good for you! You are well on the way.
    2460 days ago
    You can do it
    2460 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    How wonderful to see your blog featured in the Spark Mail.

    Regaining 50# isn't as bad as regaining 150#, so I'm glad you are back working on You.

    emoticon I'm thrilled you are getting a divorce. No woman should waste any of her life on a miserable worthless rotten marriage. The world is full of men, so I'm sure you will find the right on. I suggest studying your astrology chart and finding a good match. If you are a Virgo who is neat and tidy, the find a Capricorn man who can appreciate that, or a Taurus man who loves a cozy, clean home and he will work hard to have it. If you are a Sagittarius who loves to run races, then find an Aries guy who loves to have fun outdoors, etc. Some signs just match up better than others and some are just terrible matches to begin with, and you really can't change another person.

    Sorry you lost your job. I've read blogs for seven years and I find that happening to people over and over. Most have nothing saved so it is difficult to get by until they find another job.
    2460 days ago
    2460 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    2460 days ago
    It is very stressful going through divorce and putting back a hunk of your hard lost weight. We all know it's so much easier putting it back than getting rid of it.

    But it's great you cried , s-t-o-p and are getting back on track. I know they have resources here to deal with stress. I hope you find people to support you and give you their shoulder... emoticon
    2460 days ago
    You are way stronger than you give yourself credit for.

    You got this!
    2460 days ago
    hope you feel better soon.
    2460 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2831339
    Day by day; step by step.
    2460 days ago
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