Invasion of the gym douches!

Thursday, February 19, 2015

So today was a great day in the gym....I crushed my workout.....

But it was also one of my most frustrating days in the gym in a long time.....I was surrounded by....


Now I love my gym and I love the people that go there....but was a day!

I have the utmost respect and concern for anybody out there trying to workout, train, or just get in shape. I was a pack a day smoking couch potato for many, many years and I know how tough and intimidating it can be to go to a gym and start an exercise program. It took me many years to build up the confidence in myself and my abilities and I never ever look down on anyone making an effort to get in the gym to improve.

But the posers! The annoying ones who have just read the latest issue of Muscles and Fitness and now strut around staring at themselves in the mirror, hogging every piece of equipment around, grunting, talking, doing one-legged bicep curls on a Bosu ball in a squat rack.....with absolutely no manners whatsoever! These guys just got to me today.

Because we all know, "Manners maketh man"

So how did this all start. Well there I was minding my own business at the squat rack, when all of a sudden some dude walks by and throws his towel on the stack of 45 lb plates on my rack. Now one of the things you don't do to somebody using a squat rack is to use said rack as your personal towel storage device. Then he grabbed a pair of 20 lb dumbbells, crouched down to the ground, and started doing bicep curls right in front of me. He looked like a constipated frog!

But I ignored him and went about my business. He soon removed the towel and walked over to do dips. Meanwhile, I continued my squats and ended the day squatting 335 lbs feeling pretty good. On my second one of those, I stood up exhausted, saw that same guy at the pull up bar, and an overwhelming sense of compassion came over me. He wasn't a douchebag, he was just untrained in the ways of gym etiquette, a young kid who's father never taught him the proper use of the squat rack. I felt like Buddha rising from under the Bodhi tree, suddenly awakening to a great sense of compassion for all the world's souls. Yes, I should be kind to this unknowing, unawakened dreamer.

5 minutes later he comes by and once again throws his towel back on the stack of 45 lb plates on my squat rack just as I'm about to do 4 reps of 275 lbs. I take my earphones out and signal over to him gently, "excuse me, but it's quite distracting when someone puts a towel on the weights when someone is using the squat rack"

He looks over at me like I'm from Mars, gives me the "jerk face", then says "Wuz you gonna' use all dose weights?" eyebrows arched, grip tightening on his 20 lb dumbbell. All of a sudden Buddha is gone; Genghis Khan rides into town. "Yeah dude, I'm about to set some frikkin' PRs here and it's pretty friggin' rude to lay your crap on a squat rack right when someone is about to lift some heavy-ass weights, so I'd appreciate it if you'd put your towel on the floor like everyone else!"

We stared at each other for another 5 seconds, then he picked up his towel....and put it on the squat rack next to me where another gym douche was doing barbell curls....with no weights on the bar. He, of course, said nothing.

Now if this was the only incident that happened today, I would not be writing this blog. But today there was a veritable invasion of douches....and each one of them found me.

I went and did my bench presses, then came back to the rack to do overhead presses and deadlifts. As I start pressing 155 lbs over my head, the 3 douche stooges show up and start doing bicep curls right in front of me, hogging the mirror with their little dance-capades. It was pretty cute watching them curl those 20 lb dumbbells, knees flexing, a little pop at the top of the curl as they stared at their biceps in the mirror (they're biceps stared back apparently). Each time they blew out a big puff of air from the explosive force required to bend their elbows so forcefully hefting those 20 lbers.

Yes, the Curl Bro's were in town! Somehow the message must have gotten posted on douche-book for everyone to come in and do bicep curls today, occupying every mirror, every piece of equipment, regardless of what it was designed for, and doing endless variations of bicep curls and throwing their weights to the ground!

I took it as a sign from God to work on my patience today. I pressed, I deadlifted, I tried not to get annoyed or worked up when one of these morons stepped right in front of me just as I was about to pick 365 lbs of iron off the floor. I closed my eyes, I breathed deep, I focused on all my cues to get my technique right, I tightened up and pulled, imagining myself in some far off place where my very survival depended on lifting those weights off the ground.

Now there are many variations of gym douches out there. so, in trying to maintain an informed electorate, I have compiled a few of my favorite sites for my SP buds to peruse at their leisure.....the overall message; Don't be that Guy (Gal)!!

Have a great night Spark buds!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ah yes, the gym douches. They also take up space by laying their towel or a set of dumbbells on a bench and walking away to use a different machine. I get it if you are doing supersets, but you know they aren't because they don't come back for 20 min
    911 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3409143
    1364 days ago
    Hey, I checked out those videos. The one at the end was a scream. I loved that gal!

    Anyway, glad you shared this with us. I actually left the last gym I belonged to because I could never use the free weights. WHY? - Well, it was a matter of a whole group of douchbags always hoggin' up the weight area and all of the mirror space every time I went to the gym. It was just too friggin' disgusting, as well as embarrassing for me, to go stand in the same line with them as they grunted and groaned with their 20 pound weights, whilst I was now trying to get used to my starting out weight of 5 pounds. emoticon
    Yet, now I would ask, who looked more pathetic - me or them? THEM! Hands Down!!!

    Anyway, I am now at Planet Fitness, but still .......there are douchbags no matter where ya go. Just glad that you became Genghis Khan for a moment or two, cuz just reading about it did my little heart muscle proud! THANKS!!!

    emoticon BLOG!
    2349 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/25/2015 7:37:01 PM
  • JUNEAU2010
    Ah, yes...And then they get on the freeway and annoy everyone with their terrible manners behind the wheel!
    2354 days ago
    I don't understand the d-bag universe. So unnecessary and what does it do for them? I also wonder why it makes some feel so superior to point out the form flaws in others, but I digress. I'm at the gym to do my thing. I'm not looking to be snarky and I do my best to not giggle out loud at the d-bags for all of their silliness. Especially grunting and dropping weights. Seriously. Get it together people. Everyone is there to improve themselves in one way or another.
    2355 days ago
    Very entertaining read! I am wondering if douchbag #1 (towel) told the rest of the the douchbags about it and they were all out to get you.

    One time I had a guy actually remove the 45-lb plates from the equipment I was using and put it on his equipment, right next to it. I was dumbfounded.
    2355 days ago
    loll... Very well written!
    Sorry for you! You even find some type of those "show-offs" on races in runners... trying to look as cool as possible and tell everybody how far, fast and well they run...
    - keep practicing your patience and concentration at the gym when they show up - it will help you at your next lifting competition to be mentally stronger!
    emoticon emoticon
    2355 days ago
    Douche's come in all sizes and ages. I watched for over 15 minutes as a very senior citizen was using the tri-cep machine. He was using a 6 lb. plate and only doing 3 reps. The gym employee's can't really say or do anything. The only folks that get douche's to move it or lose it, are the Personal Trainers, time is their money.
    2355 days ago
    Two comments.....First, the next time the douches get to you, find a way to slip it into conversation that you're really proud of them for curling all of 20 lbs. That's the weight one of your (middle-aged) gal pals curls. They lift like girls. (Now I'm proud of that statement, but they won't be! mwahahahaha) And OK for the record.....20lbs is my top set (top 2 sets when the child trainer is feeling particularly sadistic).

    Second...there is really nothing wrong with some grunting. I have to admit to doing some serious grunting especially on the last set at top weight. I try to keep it to loud exhalations, but those last few reps can get a little out of hand. LOL

    My favorite part about gym douches is that they think they know it all but when you look at their form it's usually crap. I keep pointing out other people's errors to trainer kid. I take consolation in the fact that they won't be annoying for long because they will seriously injure their back shortly and not be around for a long time. I never said I didn't have evil tendencies!!
    2355 days ago
  • MRTHING2000
    Ah the juiceheads. Time to find another gym! Planet Fitness claims to have a 'Lunk Free Zone' and sounds an alarm when people start grunting and throwing down weights. I've never been but my sister thinks its funny.
    2355 days ago
    This is too funny. Never had an experience quite like yours, but I have come across them before.
    2355 days ago
    That was great. Glad you stood up to 'em.
    They sound like the people who live in my apartment. You know, the ones who throw a party every night, so every night someone is parked behind me or blocking the entrance/exit. (And then refuse to move their car.) Yeah, those guys. The gym is ironically the place where I go to avoid douche-bag behavior. Sorry it found you instead. Keep fighting the good fight and maybe they'll realize treating people like crap isn't in their best interest. B/c they clearly only care about themselves.
    2355 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/19/2015 11:19:38 PM
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