It's been a year of Covid-19 sucking the life out of everything. Literally and figuratively. It has not been an easy year. Some have struggled more than others. Some have paid the ultimate price and people have been left behind.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but now is not the time to let our guard down.
And this is where I am at today. FURIOUS.
SOUL DAMAGING ANGRY at other people who do not do the right thing and what is asked of them for the greater good of all humanity.
Why? you may ask? Why now???
Because after a full year of masking up, staying away from people etc. etc. (AKA DOING THE RIGHT THING) we have been directly affected via a positive exposure from a sport team...and there are reports that the teenager who tested positive IS OUT AND ABOUT PLAYING OUTSIDE WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS.
My kid, along with the whole JV football team, was informed that he had to be quarantined until 3/20. I got the contact trace call and everything. Where is my kid? In the house and by himself learning virtually...because that is the right thing to do and what is expected.
It's getting around the team that this is going on to...and some parents are furious. I dare not spew my vitriol on the social media posts because what will it really do? Honestly, I cannot even confirm that it is this certain individual...because if I could, I think I'd be the one calling the hotline to report them....THAT IS HOW ANGRY I AM RIGHT NOW.
My son's exposure was greeted by me being 1 week shy of being fully vaccinated. My husband by 2 weeks. Talk about ironic.
Which leads me to the other vein of always doing the right thing.
IT GETS TIRING being "good" all the time. Tracking food. Not drinking. Constantly compromising. Constantly keeping my mouth shut to keep the peace. Constantly filtering my thoughts because someone may take it the wrong way.
Like the Minecraft video game....I am stacking up the walls. I have no more F's to give.
Want to go out and about and not follow the Covid rules - go ahead. Karma is a B and eventually, the universe will balance itself out. Do you want sympathy from me when the S hits the fan?? Nope, I have none for you. I will have sympathy for the poor people you affect with your crappy behavior.
You say you are eating poorly and gained X amount of pounds....yet still eat cheese and chips while you are working because it "helps" you. The song has been sung for months. Ummmm, yeah, that sympathy train has left the station. You've been there and done that. Lost and gained before. You'll do it again I am sure. Don't cry me a river at this point. I say I gained 5 pounds and I get responded with how you've gained 20... as if mine don't matter as much as yours. Mentally, they matter. A whole lot too. I HAVE been doing the right thing for YEARS and fell off the wagon a bit and BAM - hello pounds and a GI attack to boot.
And with that attack, I am back to eating better and restricting all the things that make me happy that I can eat but over did it on - cheese and bread.
I had a conversation with my gluten free best friend. She is in the same boat. I'm envious that she can drink at least. Food does not bring us pleasure. Food is there for us to survive.
I've written about doing more of what makes me happy before. Doing the right thing(s) makes me happy. It does. It's a fact. My integrity is my badge of honor.
Thus the circling of the wagons. I'm done right now.
Will this blog help make me feel better? Meh, as of right now, it's not doing so much, which is not the norm for me by this point in blog-time. That's how miffed I am.
This too shall pass. My hardened heart will soften over time, as it always does. Right now, I am going to let it be and feel the feels.
Time to throw in a meditation session and see if that helps a bit.
I can't even fake being cheery at this point....and I am good at that when it comes to brass tacks.
May we all have a day of calm and ease.