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CD405576 Posts: 1,403
9/1/09 2:33 P

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Wow, these are great. I'm going to copy and paste them and put them in a scrapbook that I'm going to start making.

I agree about the father figure. That was of particular importance to me because my own father has issues with drugs and was not supportive at all. My boyfriend already has two children that he is totally devoted to. They, and their needs, come first. He doesn't just toss them aside to come hang with me. He takes his role as a father very seriously. I have confidence in his skills as a parent. It was actually seeing him be a father that convinced me that I really wanted to have a child.

I have to keep working to get this weight off and get healthy.

SHELLEYD72 Posts: 6
8/31/09 11:51 P

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I, too, was reluctant. However, now I have one and am trying for number two. The key to competent mothering is being able and willing to adjust to meet the needs of your child. The love and the desire to "do right" by the child is inherent in most people, but I think many people become overwhelmed by how your life changes, how you change. This said, I have never, ever encountered a more rewarding experience, and I have had other meaningful personal and professional accomplishments. Amazingly, one unsolicited kiss or "I love you, mommy" from a child can wipe a day of bad behavior from your memory. Only a child can do that. My only advice for you in terms of raising a child is to praise positive behavior-it will lessen the amount of negative behavior you have to deal with.

I agree with the others on the importance of finding good father material as well as good husband material. No fun raising an "extra" child-causes all kinds of problems. Be extra picky.

Even though I have changed dramatically as a parent (as did my circumstances by becoming a stay-at-home-mom), a new balance will arise as your baby grows. And the other lady is right, you have to find ways to fill up your soul-hobby, exercise, whatever. You have to make time-there will always be more chores to do, so take some time for you as often as you can.

Good luck!

Edited by: SHELLEYD72 at: 9/1/2009 (00:09)
BEENIEMOM's Photo BEENIEMOM Posts: 8,045
8/31/09 10:11 P

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Hi... I could say soo much about being a mom! My children are my greatest joy in life. I loved being a mom so much that I am now a foster parent to troubled children! There truly is no greater feeling than looking in to the eyes of your newborn baby!And for me now there is such joy in seeing the life of a child be transformed by seeing that someone cares about them and is willing to do whatever it takes to help them be all that they can be! It is however a big commitment and you have to know if you are ready for it! How will you know.....perhaps when the desire to be a mom suddenly outweighs any fears you might have!Make sure you remember to be you, and to do for you, along the way.Being a mom should never become such a chore that you feel youve lost YOU! It is a gift to teach your children that you love them unconditionally but to let them see that you also love yourself! Dont let other peoples negative attitudes effect your decisions....read a lot....watch other families....continue to ask questions ....and trust your heart. The joys of being a parent far outweigh the difficult moments!Blessings and good luck,whatever decision you make!

Oh...so much more to say...but that is enough!Feel free to message me if you ever have questions! Blessings Tina

Edited by: BEENIEMOM at: 8/31/2009 (22:12)
Without forgiveness life is governed by...an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.

- Roberto Assagioli


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YOSOYLINDA's Photo YOSOYLINDA Posts: 5,958
8/31/09 8:50 P

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And, most importantly, if you skip the children part you don't get to the grandchildren part! Linda C

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Linda C
Oklahoma (CST)

"Food is essential to life; Therefore, make it good."
--S. Truett Cathy (Chick-Fil-A)

Come on 5%!!!!!

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FLYINGTOFREEDOM's Photo FLYINGTOFREEDOM SparkPoints: (0)
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8/31/09 4:11 P

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my mother wished I would have children like myself although I never knew why I was so terrible in her eyes. But, it turns out I was scareed to death to have children until God had a different plan for me.
My first daughter born almost 7 years ago, she is such a joy. Yes, she has her problems, but who doesn't? She is emotional like me and tends to be very sensitive. I have started to find ways to help her with this. My second daughter a complete surprise 5 1/2 years later now 18 monhts old is such a blessing in our life. she is her dad's life saver since he was heavily into drugs and didn't care about life. He has since stopped and now stays home with the girls. Now, God had an even differnt plan since we tried to prevent any more, but we are pregnant with our third and it is a boy. I love my children and I wouldnt' trade them for the world. is is stressful sometimes yes, is it hard sometimes yes, is it well worth it, yes. We all have stress in our lives but my children have given me the gift of the greatest love I have ever known. And they have brought me and their father closer together. I didnt' want to treat my children ;ike my own mother treated me and my sister. but I have since broken that cycle and now have a healthy rlationship with myself, my eating and my family. Whoever you are talking to about being such downers with their children, well, then they are looking at the pessismistic side of children. Of course it is hard and a lot of work, but the joy you get from your children cannot be found anywhere.

1 bite at a time = 1 choice at a time.
Choice is in our power; take the power and run.

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Nothing is forever why not live for today and make it the best day ever.

I am my best friend.


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CHLOIANNA's Photo CHLOIANNA SparkPoints: (0)
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8/31/09 3:13 P

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My mother also told me not to have children. Her famous saying was "If you don't have them to make you laugh, you don't have them to make you cry." Says a lot for me, hu. Well, I had 2 children. And I couldn't disagree with my mother more. My girls are the delight of my life, even at 30 and 32. Sure I cried. But my life would have been so empty without them Children are such a blessing. And grandchildren, too.

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BELLACUDDLES's Photo BELLACUDDLES Posts: 41,713
8/31/09 3:01 P

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maybe you could even print these up and tape some of them up so that would help you.

Barbara .....that's what my friends call me! Never cared for the name Barb.

Make it a blessed and healthy day! IT IS YOUR CHOICE!

Remember how special you are and how you are soooooo worth it to be healthy and fit!!

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the assurance of things unseen. Hebrews 11:1




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CHARLIESANGEL10's Photo CHARLIESANGEL10 Posts: 4,029
8/31/09 2:17 P

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I will say it is a lot of work & sleep deprivation, so wait until you are really really ready. Pick your husband being sure he is a team player & a nurturer. Motherhood is huge--the first time you look into those tiny eyes, you feel as if you are just really aware of needing to be mature. When they smile, kiss, & hug you there is no comparison. They adore you & live to please you. They grow up to be your extended family & this time you had some say in how they view the world--which I like--I'm raising optimists on purpose. You will truly understand the desire to throw your body in front of a bus to protect someone else/hahaha. You will drive more carefully. You will find you eat more fruits & veggies b/c you don't want the leftovers to go to waste. Once you're pregnant, start reading books about how to be a good parent, I really like Supernanny & The Happiest Toddler on the block. I read one special book on twins written by a twin, who is a psychologist, who raised five kids that included one set of twins. Look around for role models on it. I'm reading a book called Child of Mine, to avoid giving my toddlers eating disorders...it's working too--they eat the same serving of cookies as they do green beans at the same meal! I would not have believed it if I had not seen it. I once heard this quote & it is so true-"Becoming a mother is like watching your heart walk around outside your chest."

Edited by: CHARLIESANGEL10 at: 8/31/2009 (14:27)
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CD405576 Posts: 1,403
8/31/09 2:10 P

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Linda-Yes, I have been hanging with some real downers. Most of my fear has come from my mom, who has openly stated many times that she didn't enjoy motherhood. She began telling me early on not to have kids because they would ruin my life. I'm still trying to get that tape to stop playing in my head. What's funny is that now, she is the one pressing me for grandkids. Go figure.

Just reading all your wonderful posts reconfirms what I think I've known all along. It's hard work but so worth it.

I'm enjoying reading these posts. Please keep them coming. I need all the positive energy I can get.

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YOSOYLINDA's Photo YOSOYLINDA Posts: 5,958
8/31/09 9:35 A

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Motherhood came to be by accident, when I was single and 30 years old--so it wasn't exactly great news at the time. However, I can honestly tell you that through it all, and 30 years later--it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, the best part is I have two wonderful grandchildren, and life just gets better and better.

Even if you didn't have good examples, you can find some now. Sounds like you're hanging around with some real "downers" if everybody's talking about how bad motherhood is. Get new friends! 8-)

Linda C

Linda C
Oklahoma (CST)

"Food is essential to life; Therefore, make it good."
--S. Truett Cathy (Chick-Fil-A)

Come on 5%!!!!!

Member Since Nov 06!


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LAURIE1076's Photo LAURIE1076 Posts: 4,597
8/31/09 8:26 A

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I think that you are having a very natural response. It is scary to be responsible for the life of a little baby and all the changes that go with it. You can imagine how I flet many years ago having twins and not knowing until I went into labor 6 weeks early! talk about scared!!
But when I held them the love was so automatic...so wonderful. They were a part of me and life was meant for this (for me).
I have loved being a mom and have 4 children and soon to be 9 grandkids. The cute little faces and hugs and pictures drawn especially for me has been a gift to my life.
The relationship I have with my kids now is the reward for being a good mom.
I grew up in a home with pretty much no love and abuse and well, it was not such a good place. I didnt think I could be a good mom.
But all the love I didnt have growing up, I made sure our kids had. They were loved and cherished and cuddled and praised for all the good they did.
When you are surely ready you will know.
I am so grateful that I am a mom. It has been a gift for me....not always easy...but always worth it!

Hugs
Laurie

Laurie

I have not failed until I have given up!

I cannot change where I have been but I can change where I am going.


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SEXYSLIMJIM Posts: 84
8/30/09 10:56 P

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It is truly a priviledge to be a mother. I was also reluctant to being a mother for fear of what kind of mother I would be. I was afraid of the examples I was shown as a child would be passed on. I feared the responsiblity of affecting someone's life so much. I was never so wrong. My daughter is the one who affects me. She makes me want to go out there and conquer the world. My standards are so much higher because of her. I am on SP, am I not? When she says "mommy I love you", it's the purest feeling I have ever experienced. When i sit down and see the enjoyment in her eyes when we are playing with blocks, my heart is full. She enjoys the simple things(right now anyway), just as long as we are together. That's an incredible feeling. I started teaching her sight words for kindergarten. Watching her eyes full of joy when she recognizes them is priceless. All the moms could write for days and never tell it all. If your heart is full of love and you are willing to take the time to mold a young precious life, just do it. You never grow too old once you are one and you never retire.

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PATRICIAAK's Photo PATRICIAAK Posts: 154,611
8/30/09 10:23 P

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Raising my 5 children with the help of God to be 'happy contributing members of society doing what it takes to get to heaven' has been the most rewarding part of my life. Being a physician pales in comparison to being a Mom and a Grandma.

Become Your Best! Be kind
Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia Kaine MD, OFS
Speaker re: suicide epidemic
butterflyfuture.com
co-Leader of Emotional Eaters


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CD2313590 Posts: 6,599
8/30/09 8:18 P

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My daughter just turned 3 two weeks ago and she says to me the other day,"Mommy you my best." My heart
was full. You are their world.

If and when you decide to have children of your own,you will be a great MOM.

Edited by: CD2313590 at: 8/30/2009 (20:18)
BENTONHEALTHY's Photo BENTONHEALTHY Posts: 2,248
8/30/09 7:11 P

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Well if you still need to get married, then my thought is make sure that works for a few years before you have children. Once you have children, it is for life. Like any responsibility there are some very tiring and trying times but I couldn't imagine a life without my children. They are 26 and 23 and we talk often and have fun together. When they have children, there will be more pleasure to come. Just be ready. It is the highest of highs and at times can be the most challenging part of life.

I am not losing this fat - I am removing it for good.

"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us."

"Change your thoughts and change your world"


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BELLACUDDLES's Photo BELLACUDDLES Posts: 41,713
8/30/09 4:22 P

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I'll tell ya...it is probably one of the most rewarding things I've ever done, but it is hard too. There are so many wonderful things about being a mom....nurturing a little "sponge", caring for them as only a mom can.....and letting them go as they get older......give them roots and give them wings! I would NOT trade it at all, despite many challenging times especially those teen years, but thank God for Clairol! LOL!!!! My favorite saying was and still is (my kids are adults now....26 and 29....Joseph and Mary)....THIS TOO SHALL PASS! God bless you!!!!


Barbara .....that's what my friends call me! Never cared for the name Barb.

Make it a blessed and healthy day! IT IS YOUR CHOICE!

Remember how special you are and how you are soooooo worth it to be healthy and fit!!

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the assurance of things unseen. Hebrews 11:1




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LOSINGNOW24's Photo LOSINGNOW24 Posts: 275
8/30/09 3:35 P

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Hi I read your thread and thought I would tell you that to me being a mother is the greatest thing. It is not always a bed of roses there are always bumps in the road even in relationships. I have two sons that are now 28 and 26 and I am very close to them. They have not always been perfect but who is. They totally respect me and its like having 2 bodygaurds with me when we go out cause they are so protective. It is so wonderful having that unconditional love and know that if you need something that we are always there for each other. Don't let people fill your head and make you afraid to have a child if you want it badly. There is nothing like reading your baby a story and have them think that you are the best thing in the world to them. The love you feel for that little person is undescibable. it is something to cherish you won't believe how your heart will swell with so much love that you don't know where it all comes from. Now they are not so little with both being taller than I am the love is still there 100% and its such a good thing. Don't be afraid sweetie the baby doesn't come with a manual but you learn as you go and I am sure you would be a wonderful Mother as long as you want a baby and your heart will do the rest. Wishing you all the best. Hugs, Amie emoticon

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DAYHIKER's Photo DAYHIKER Posts: 3,328
8/30/09 3:31 P

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What is still great is that my boys are 41 and 36 and two better friends I couldn't ask for! They love to challenge me to be more than I think I can be. And their wives are good to me as well! The wife who lives close is someone I do a lot of things with. I am so blessed!!

Cindy in Indiana
69 years young, 5'8" tall.
"2. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: 5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103: 2,5


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SUGARSMOM2 SparkPoints: (297,949)
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8/30/09 3:13 P

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one of the most amazing things in the world is to be a mother. to feel those little hands around your neck and the sofest kiss from those rosebud lips . that is the best . you know as you teach your child the way they are to act in public and how to do all the things that they need to have help . you are doing the job that not just anyone can do . You will be special . you will mean the whole to world to another human . big reasonablity but a good feeling . do not be afraid honey . life is uncertain and noone can tell you how it will turn out but if you give it a shot and it works well for you then the whole world is like a open garden of love . if you need help ask . do not live in fear . only have a child if you really want a child . they test you everyday . ask a million times the same question over and over to get you to allow them to do something you told them no about the second before . as you age i find it worth it . i love my grandchildren and great grandchildren . yeah they grow on you .. life a puzzle you do not know the outcome . just live it do not hide from it .

sugarsmom2 donna wva


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CD405576 Posts: 1,403
8/30/09 12:29 P

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I'm approaching this stage in my life where I'm ready to marry and have kids. The only thing is I'm terrified! Not even so much of being pregnant and giving birth. I'm terrified of what kind of mother I'll be. I've discussed with my therapist that part of the reason I believe I hold on to my weight is to keep certain things at bay out of fear. Motherhood is one of them.

I just need to hear some positive things about being a mother. Most of the people I know who are mothers speak so terribly about it. It doesn't seem worth it or even all that great, to hear them tell it. I really really really want to become a mother. But I need to get over this fear.

So if all the moms at EE would indulge me and tell me some positive things about being a mother, I'd be eternally grateful and I'd name my children after all of you. (Well, maybe not all of them LOL)

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